SCIF Spray: Order Yours Today!

[Marauder06]

Need to talk about classified information, but don't have a secure facility handy? Your needs have been answered, with SCIF Spray! (patent pending)

9 out of 10 Special Security Officers (SSOs) interviewed for this article recommend that high-level intelligence figures use SCIF Spray when talking to reporters about national security on an unclassified phone while in a public area. (The 10th SSO interviewed simply recommends that they STFU about it—but no one likes that guy anyway).

“... with SCIF Spray™, I never have to worry again. Shake up the spray, give a couple of squirts into the air, and the patented formula automatically de-classifies any secrets it touches. It comes in Confidential, Secret, and TS/SCI flavors. It’s like national security in a can! I have a can for my home, my office, my car… hell, there’s even a handy travel-sized version that’s small enough to get under the TSA’s liquid screening threshold at the airport. Now even the lowliest intelligence analyst can compromise national secrets with impunity, just as if he or she were a former DNI like me.”

“I was the SSO for the 2nd Special Forces Group,” Gunter explained, “and I was always having to get on to the team guys about mishandling classified information. That’s when they told me about the ‘SCIF pocket,’ which is a special pocket that only Special Forces guys have, where they can secure, store, and transport any level of classified information for whatever duration, and to whatever location, they choose. I never heard of that before, and I couldn’t find it in any regulation, but the SF guys insisted it was a real thing and told me to quit bugging them about it. When I got out of the Army, I tried to expand and monetize the SCIF pocket idea for the civilian market, but the SCIF Poncho™ didn’t work out. But once I hit on the SCIF Spray™, I was golden.”

 

[Lycurgus]

ha, ha, ha...that is awesome. 2 person integrity turns into 1 guy in board shorts and flip-flops!

 

[0699]

ha, ha, ha...that is awesome. 2 person integrity turns into 1 guy in board shorts and flip-flops!

TPI = Two Piece Integrity. It's when you rip the crypto tape in half and give one half to another RTO...