# Family while in SOF



## coolusername (Apr 12, 2019)

Hello, I saw that SOF has a extremely high divorce rate. I am a 17 year old but I have been raised by a single mom for easily 12 years. I obviously don't plan on getting married for at least 5 years (and yes, I already have a girlfriend so if all goes right, it will be her) and I am family oriented and I don't want to repeat what my father did (up and left while my mom was pregnant and I have seen him 4 or 5 times). Also tips for maintaining a relationship while training would be appreciated.


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## AWP (Apr 12, 2019)

Realistic expectations, communication, and spending time together when you're together. Ultimately, you "pays your money and you takes your chances" because no one can see the future.

Good luck.


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## “The Old Man” (Apr 12, 2019)

You are doing better than a lot of people I know, myself included when I was around your age. In that you are already looking at not adopting the behaviors. That are a very sad but, common example amongst not only the military. But, most any high stress job profession requiring a lot of travel and time on the job.
Ground yourself in your decision to be a family man. Use that as your purpose and reason for being the best. Not only because everyone wants to be on top. But, because it is the best way to insure that you return.
I'm an old fart now son. Been divorced twice and had a fiance' murdered 2 weeks before our wedding. I remember Top admonishing me for getting married against the advice of my command. His words exactly were "Hughes if we thought you needed a wife. We would have issued you one." Well in my case he was right. He was right because he knew me better than I knew me at the time.
Well times are a bit different now. As well as that it would seem that you have a positive outlook. Probably instilled by your Mom. So, in closing my hint to you is this. Be faithful to the woman you love no matter what. Demand fidelity in your relationship and don't ever stop communicating with her. When your in training. Kiss her long and hard. Then put that on the shelf to focus on your training. Chances are pretty good your not going to die from it anyway. So if she is the one she'll be there. when you return from all the cool places you are going to be going to.
Hope this helps.


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## coolusername (Apr 12, 2019)

Thanks for the help and honesty. Sorry for your loss tinman6.


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## Brill (Apr 12, 2019)

A modern day 17 yr old should be banging his teachers and MILFs.  This ain’t the 80’s man, get out there and get in the game!


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## Diamondback 2/2 (Apr 12, 2019)

17 and only one girlfriend? Dude get out and experience life... When I was 17 I was fucking every chick I could, partying and living it up.  

News flash, it all changes after you turn 18. No more highschool chicks, no more free rent, no more mommy's car insuranc, phone and cable bill. 

Run a muck, just stay off drugs and out of jail.


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## Diamondback 2/2 (Apr 12, 2019)

lindy said:


> A modern day 17 yr old should be banging his teachers and MILFs.  This ain’t the 80’s man, get out there and get in the game!


lol


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## “The Old Man” (Apr 12, 2019)

Well there goes the sage advice from the old bastard. Choose your own path young man


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## Brill (Apr 12, 2019)

Tinman6 said:


> Well there goes the sage advice from the old bastard. Choose your own path young man



Actually, it’s VERY sound advice. The problem is @Diamondback 2/2 and I are just a couple of 12 year olds who still laugh at fart jokes...and when someone trips or falls.


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## “The Old Man” (Apr 12, 2019)

lindy said:


> Actually, it’s VERY sound advice. The problem is @Diamondback 2/2 and I are just a couple of 12 year olds who still laugh at fart jokes...and when someone trips or falls.


Gotcha


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## Ranger Psych (Apr 12, 2019)

Honestly, slow roll relationships while in, and especially if you're in a pipeline. Don't worry about her, worry about getting your goals you want. Once you situate yourself wherever you end up, then see about upgrading her to live in girlfriend. Let her get a taste of "how shit's gonna be" because you're gonna bail, sometimes with zero notice, if you make the cut. My then GF now wife moved down to live with me on friday. Monday I left for a month for training. Advantage me, she's a trooper and solidly able to handle herself without me, she chose me as much as I chose her. You need a solid girl that can handle business on her own if she's gonna stick around in SOF, because as much as you'd like to be there all the time, Uncle Sam has shit to do and it involves you.


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## coolusername (Apr 12, 2019)

@coolusername -

You are a minor, and what you shared is way too personal to be shared on the open internet like this.   I'm going to send you a PM in a bit.

Ooh Rah


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## LibraryLady (Apr 12, 2019)

lindy said:


> Actually, it’s VERY sound advice. The problem is @Diamondback 2/2 and I are just a couple of 12 year olds who still laugh at fart jokes...and when someone trips or falls.


In other words, you're typical boys, I mean men...

LL


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## GOTWA (Apr 13, 2019)

lindy said:


> A modern day 17 yr old should be banging his teachers and MILFs.  This ain’t the 80’s man, get out there and get in the game!



Sound advice.  Just don't get naked with Foreign Nationals; they make things complicated.


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## Gunz (Apr 14, 2019)

Get prepared for the Royal Kiss Off ("Dear John Letter") about two months into your first deployment. 🙋😳🤣


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## pilot538 (Apr 14, 2019)

My girlfriend (freshly commissioned officer in the Army) has made it pretty clear if I join she's gone. At least she had the decency to be up front with me, right? 

I'm glad to see the reminder that young guys, like myself, shouldn't worry to much about the relationship and focus on their own personal goals. Easier said than done though I feel.


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## coolusername (Apr 14, 2019)

pilot538 said:


> My girlfriend (freshly commissioned officer in the Army) has made it pretty clear if I join she's gone. At least she had the decency to be up front with me, right?
> 
> I'm glad to see the reminder that young guys, like myself, shouldn't worry to much about the relationship and focus on their own personal goals. Easier said than done though I feel.


If you want to join, then evaluate which one is more important. 
1. Chasing your dream while serving your country and lose a girl that might be the love of your life 
                                                                                        OR
2. Not join and stick with her and miss out on your dream/Aspiration.
Obviously you have probably thought of this but it's very important. Dual military couples have a hard life.


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## medicchick (Apr 14, 2019)

coolusername said:


> If you want to join, then evaluate which one is more important.
> 1. Chasing your dream while serving your country and lose a girl that might be the love of your life
> OR
> 2. Not join and stick with her and miss out on your dream/Aspiration.
> Obviously you have probably thought of this but it's very important. Dual military couples have a hard life.


You are an unmarried 17 year old. Don't give advice on the subject when you have ZERO experience in it.  I had a whole post typed up about the subject (ya know since I have experience in the SOF family wheelhouse) but your last post changed that.


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## coolusername (Apr 14, 2019)

medicchick said:


> You are an unmarried 17 year old. Don't give advice on the subject when you have ZERO experience in it.  I had a whole post typed up about the subject (ya know since I have experience in the SOF family wheelhouse) but your last post changed that.


You are right. Sorry if I was out of my lane just trying to give him my opinion but I can see what you're saying.


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## coolusername (Apr 15, 2019)

With all due respect he never said he was married (and if he was, then I wouldn't have commented on his situation) and me and my GF (we are a serious couple we have been together for pretty much our whole lives as we were childhood friends) we had a moment similar to this. I didn't want to type all this because my device is hard to type on. She wanted to be a USCG Rescue Swimmer. And I want to serve in a SOF medical role. And we talked it out and it was determined that I will join and she wouldn't. If I couldn't join then she would. Again sorry if I sound rude or disrespectful, I have all the respect possible for you men and women on here. And anyway I laid it out in a similar way, and it resolved our problem I figured if it worked for us, it might work for him. Hate to say it for a third time, but just so it's made very clear, I have all the respect possible for you men and women and hope to in the future gain knowledge and engage in conversation with everyone here. So I apologize if this sounds rude or disrespectful, but two well respected members have liked my comment.


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## “The Old Man” (Apr 15, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> Get prepared for the Royal Kiss Off ("Dear John Letter") about two months into your first deployment. 🙋😳🤣





coolusername said:


> With all due respect he never said he was married (and if he was, then I wouldn't have commented on his situation) and me and my GF (we are a serious couple we have been together for pretty much our whole lives as we were childhood friends) we had a moment similar to this. I didn't want to type all this because my device is hard to type on. She wanted to be a USCG Rescue Swimmer. And I want to serve in a SOF medical role. And we talked it out and it was determined that I will join and she wouldn't. If I couldn't join then she would. Again sorry if I sound rude or disrespectful, I have all the respect possible for you men and women on here. And anyway I laid it out in a similar way, and it resolved our problem I figured if it worked for us, it might work for him. Hate to say it for a third time, but just so it's made very clear, I have all the respect possible for you men and women and hope to in the future gain knowledge and engage in conversation with everyone here. So I apologize if this sounds rude or disrespectful, but two well respected members have liked my comment.


I would cease and desist young man. You really do not know where you tread. Your question has been answered... move on.


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## GOTWA (Apr 15, 2019)

Hope you brought your floaties because you're making some big waves.


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## Grunt (Apr 15, 2019)

Situational awareness is a big part of this site and there comes a point in threads like this where people get to the point where they don't suffer fools lightly anymore. Wisdom says, "Move along smartly now."


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## medicchick (Apr 15, 2019)

You make it sound like there are two choices and that's it. You can't speak to anything marriage because you would be speaking out your ass. You come across as a know it all bipolar kid. I know what it's like to pull papers, I know what it's like to give up a career, I know what it's like to move thousands of miles from everyone and everthing you know, except for one person.  Come talk to me when you have lived life at all.  To quote GoT

You know nothing Jon Snow.


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## “The Old Man” (Apr 15, 2019)

With that said. Maybe this thread needs to be closed.


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## coolusername (Apr 15, 2019)

You guys are right, I do sincerely apologize if it seemed rude or disrespectful. I didn't mean to say that there are only two choices. Medicchick I will send you a PM.


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## Ooh-Rah (Apr 15, 2019)

Tinman6 said:


> With that said. Maybe this thread needs to be closed.


Cool.

@coolusername - take a few days to read and not post, okay?  This is the 3rd thread you’ve been involved in that a staff member has closed down. 

Locked.


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