# Interesting Thoughts From A Special Operator



## Muddergoose (Dec 5, 2012)

I wanted to share something I found digging through some old papers. I'm sure many of you can relate. Not important where it came from, but pretty powerful stuff. 

...sometimes I wonder why I'm doing what I do, and in lonely times, feel like the isolation is going to drive me crazy. I miss my wife, my family, my dogs, my car, and even simple things I guess I never realized how significant they would be out here. Sometimes it takes everything in me not to run away screaming, or eating my weapon. Once that moment of insanity passes, I try to focus on the silence, and make it a positive feeling. I try to let the warm air pass over me and make myself imagine I'm back home, laying in my field, looking up at the stars and listening to the crickets. On cold nights, I try to remember my boys and I walking to get firewood or even walking to the store to get that 7-11 hot chocolate and how cold my toes were. I have a lot of time to reflect on life and things, and try to remind myself this is not forever. That worn out picture in my pocket and in that spot in my boot wrapped in plastic as worn as it may be, let's me know a world outside of this insanity exists. I love my country and love my freedom, and know right now there is no promise I'm coming home, but this is what I do. There are no parades and bands waiting for me. No prospects of some kick ass consulting job, but there is a home, a life, and a loving family. That's better than anything and makes this worth it i think in some crazy way. I just need to remind myself, just one more night, one more day, everyday until the day I see the beautiful faces of home, and yesterday was what this was.

-anonymous 2009


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## Worldweaver (Dec 6, 2012)

Obviously this is directed at certain individual nostalgia, but I can't help to feel that little twinge.  Years away from family and children that you hardly ever see, it does touch even the most hardened individual (not that I was even close to that).  I do remember venturing home and seeing my daughter, visting the places that I hadn't seen in some time, feeling a deep gratitude for some semblance of normalcy.  I'm so proud of these men that stand the watch, put their lives on hold for the unwilling and the uncaring.  Not to make this into a sentimental piece (had a couple single malt's tonight) but I'm in awe of the men that put their lives on hold for the rest of us, and especially those that wait for us in the void...guarding the way for us once more.


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## Muddergoose (Dec 6, 2012)

Well said Worldweaver. I wish I had made selection when I tried out for CCT. I
Couldn't believe how tough it was. Made it to day 3. 

 Although I'm doing some neat stuff I can't disclose, I can't imagine how tough it would be for these folks. I can relate to the frustration of doing work, and getting no recognition, and often someone else gets the credit, and that's why I feel a kinship with SOF troops. It's about doing what needs to be done on principal and morals, not for self pride. 
 I'm up here in Canada, and there are some A1A people here, and it's certainly not Afghanistan or any other trouble spot, but I miss the good old USA, palm trees and mountains, and most of family. In some way, I can relate to the isolation. 

 I just can't explain how greatful I am to the operators out there, past and present.


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## Worldweaver (Dec 6, 2012)

Honestly I don't think frustration from lack of recognition is a problem at all, most guys would cringe at the thought of the fluff fest of notoriety.  I think that principal at times can be the motivating factor but honestly it's a job and nothing more.  These men are in a position that they worked hard for and have succeeded at, they do not need free meals and bumper stickers of condescending slogans.   What struck me was remembering the twenty or so days I got to spend with my daughter a year, and what it felt like when I could finally see her again.  I truly respect these men because I know they give up a lot, and their families give up a lot.


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## Muddergoose (Dec 6, 2012)

It's not so much wanting recognition so to speak. It gets frustrating for me to busy my ass and other people do jack squat and as the saying goes "f-up, move up". Truth be told, not only in the grand scheme do I not only NOT want to be recognized, but for PERSEC reasons, try to avoid it anyhow. There's a real lack of discipline and motivation in my place, and an even lesser sense of duty and honor. It for me, is nice to get a verbal attaboy once in a while, and yes I admit that, but the real satisfaction I get, and what I try to instill in rookies, is to finish a duty day knowing you did the best you could, and maybe, just maybe you saved a life, or a family's heartbreak and protected the people you took an oath to.


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## Muddergoose (Dec 6, 2012)

...and I forgot to add, Worldweaver, thank you for your service.


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