# Oh Florida.....



## Chopstick (Feb 18, 2018)

Florida man arrested for reportedly tossing gator into Wendy's

Maybe his Frosty wasn't Frosty enough?  o_O



> A Jupiter, Florida, man was arrested for throwing a live alligator into a Wendy’s restaurant drive-through east of Loxahatchee, according to WPTV.
> 
> Joshua James, 23, was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, illegally killing, possessing or capturing an alligator, and second-degree larceny petit theft, according to the Palm Beach Sheriff’s Office.
> 
> ...


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## ShadowSpear (Feb 19, 2018)

“So what are you in for?”


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 19, 2018)

BAN ASSAULT GATORS!


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## Red Flag 1 (Feb 19, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> BAN ASSAULT GATORS!


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## CDG (Feb 19, 2018)

President Trump really needs to do something about these gator throwing incidents.  This is what happens when you have a crocodile apologist in the White House.  Also, he's racist because that term has to be constantly attached to anything relating to someone the Democratic Party does not agree with.  #GatorLivesMatter  #ClawsUpDon'tShoot  #Gatorvan Martin  #DrainTheSwamp


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## AWP (Feb 19, 2018)

We should just make this the "one size fits all" thread for all of FL's stupidity in the news.

Besides... maybe the server told him "see you later."


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 19, 2018)

My question is did said "gator" have an adjustable tail, vertical fore grip and a muzzle device?


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 19, 2018)

AWP said:


> We should just make this the "one size fits all" thread for all of FL's stupidity in the news.
> 
> Besides... maybe the server told him "see you later."



How about stupidity around the country?


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## CQB (Feb 19, 2018)




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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 19, 2018)

AWP said:


> We should just make this the "one size fits all" thread for all of FL's stupidity in the news.


May as well. Reddit does it too.


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## Chopstick (Feb 19, 2018)

I wonder if any of those U.S. Marshals frequent this site?  Asking for a friend....


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## AWP (Feb 19, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> How about stupidity around the country?



You want a ban hammer too? I roll like John Henry with that bitch. We not minimize FL's contributions to the Union by diluting it with news from other, wannabe states. We're #1! We're #1!



Ooh-Rah said:


> May as well. Reddit does it too.



And Fark. I love that site, no denying that.


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## ShadowSpear (Feb 19, 2018)

If Florida broke off the US would we suddenly see a surplus in social security and Medicare? 🤔


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## BloodStripe (Feb 19, 2018)

ShadowSpear said:


> If Florida broke off the US would we suddenly see a surplus in social security and Medicare? 🤔



Florida, home of the newly wed and the nearly dead.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 19, 2018)

My contribution to the Florida thread!

Florida woman ‘just out of rehab' had open 12-pack of beer, child in car, deputies say

*WELLINGTON, Fla.* - A Florida woman was arrested on Thursday after deputies said she drove intoxicated with a child sitting above an open case of beer tucked in the back seat.

A Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputy pulled over Miami resident Stephanie Roque, 30, about 11 a.m. after she made a complete stop in her SUV in the center of a lane, the Palm Beach Post reported. The deputy said that Roque’s drivers license was suspended, and noticed she had a “strong smell of alcohol,” the arrest report states.

Roque told the deputy that she “just got out of rehab today for a drinking problem,” according to the report. The deputy found a child in the backseat of the car with an open 12-pack of beer sitting underneath the child’s feet, the Palm Beach Post reported. Only nine of the 12 beers were in the case, the report states.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 19, 2018)

Because I am now obsessed with Floridian news!  

‘I hope it gets on you!’: Peeing mom lashes out during DUI arrest, Florida cops say

As officers began to handcuff her, Nespolini said “I’m peeing and I hope it gets on you!” an arrest report said. Police say she began peeing on an officer’s foot, Florida Today reported.

Or to get more technical, an officer “observed a stream of liquid falling from Nespolini’s groin,” according to court documents, the Orlando Sentinel said.

But that wasn’t the only thing that caught their attention. After Nespolini was put in the back of the patrol car, officers noticed a baby was in the backseat of her vehicle, Florida Today reported.

The baby’s father came and got the child while Nespolini was hospitalized and taken to jail, the publication said.


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## Stretcher Jockey (Feb 19, 2018)

This is a great thread to be reading since Im in the state for a couple weeks. Intense situational awareness - activated!


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 19, 2018)

Paramagician said:


> This is a great thread to be reading since Im in the state for a couple weeks. Intense situational awareness - activated!



One more, then I'll be done for the night....promise!

Cops: Florida Man Googled "How To Rob A Bank" Before Robbing A Bank

Cops charge that William Johnson, 26, made off with about $2000 from the Achieva Credit Union in Largo. According to a criminal complaint, Johnson handed a teller an envelope with the words “give me money, no bait, I have gun” written on it.

By late afternoon, cops had received multiple phone calls identifying Johnson as the bank robber (the sources had seen bank surveillance photos that police had posted to Facebook). *Additionally, Johnson’s mother identified him as the man seen in the bank photos.*


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## AWP (Feb 19, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> My contribution to the Florida thread!
> 
> Florida woman ‘just out of rehab' had open 12-pack of beer, child in car, deputies say



You can do better. This is pretty tame.



Ooh-Rah said:


> Because I am now obsessed with Floridian news!
> 
> ‘I hope it gets on you!’: Peeing mom lashes out during DUI arrest, Florida cops say



That's the spirit! My man!


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 20, 2018)

AWP said:


> You want a ban hammer too? I roll like John Henry with that bitch. We not minimize FL's contributions to the Union by diluting it with news from other, wannabe states. We're #1! We're #1!
> 
> 
> My wife and I grew up in Davie. We are well versed in the stupidity in Florida.


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## Red Flag 1 (Feb 20, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> My contribution to the Florida thread!
> 
> Florida woman ‘just out of rehab' had open 12-pack of beer, child in car, deputies say
> 
> ...




FWIW,


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 20, 2018)

I have never been able to accept that addiction is a disease. I am aware of the definition of the word but no one chooses to get cancer or MS or anything like that. The person with the addiction chooses to drink, chooses to snort that rail, chooses to shoot that herion.


I am not it the medical field that is just my opinion.


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## Red Flag 1 (Feb 20, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> I have never been able to accept that addiction is a disease. I am aware of the definition of the word but no one chooses to get cancer or MS or anything like that. The person with the addiction chooses to drink,


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 20, 2018)

Red Flag 1 said:


> As with all things researched, you can find information supporting a particular viewpoint, and Alcoholism is no different. If you do an in-depth study on the subject, you will likely find more supporting a biological than a simple I just like to drink more reason behind Alcoholism. There are genetic links and markers in addiction/alcoholism. If your parent(s) are alcoholic the chances are much greater that you will develop alcoholism.
> 
> As with most diseases, hypertension, heart disease, diabetes and others, there is a predictable progression as the disease impacts your body. With medical intervention that includes medication and behavior modification, the disease effects can be reduced resulting in a healthier and longer lifespan. The same is true for alcoholism. The diseases and never cured, if you stop taking meds for hypertension, et al. the disease will pick back up again with a predictable shortened and less healthy lifespan. Alcoholism is also a permanent disease with death being the only "cure". Of the disease is treated and behavior changes are made, the positive life effects are quite tangible.
> 
> Here is one look at how we decide Alcoholism is a disease. A Disease.  The medical community has embraced addiction and alcoholism as a disease. In the case of drug addiction, there is a decided clinical difference between a drug addict and someone who is dependant on narcotics or other psychoactive drugs.



I guess my opinion of the matter comes from biased view. Both my biological parents died from drugs and alcohol and chose their habit over me. Alcoholism was rampant on my mother’s side and it killed my mom’s mother and her half-brother. I watched what their habits did to them and our family as a whole. No one forced them to do what they were doing, they chose the path. If they had never consumed their “poison” would they have contracted the disease of addiction?

I personally have never done drugs in whole, because of what I saw as a child and made the decision not to. I made the choice not to do drugs but I do drink on occasion. No one makes the choice to get a disease like cancer. Again, I have a biased view.


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 20, 2018)

Sorry, back on topic.

Florida, what a nutty place!


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## Gunz (Feb 20, 2018)

AWP said:


> You want a ban hammer too? I roll like John Henry with that bitch.



Happiness is a belt-fed ban hammer^^

Hey, I've lived in this limp penis-shaped state for 30 years now, and it sure is perversely entertaining and weird. And don't forget, I live in the town where the dude had sex with a plush animal in the toy aisle at the local Walmart. It was a stuffed red horsey.


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 20, 2018)

@Ocoka I thought you were full of it! 

Guess you really can’t make this shit up!


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## Gunz (Feb 20, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> @Ocoka I thought you were full of it!
> 
> Guess you really can’t make this shit up!




I may crack wise on this forum but I don't bullshit anybody.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 20, 2018)

Ocoka said:


> I may crack wise on this forum but I don't bullshit anybody


Hard Agree.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 25, 2018)

...good ol' Florida rarely disappoints....

Florida man turned apartment into shooting range, cops say. Neighbors woke to a bang.

And it didn’t take long for officers to find the source of the gunfire: Next door neighbor Ivan Bakh, 61, was responsible for the shooting, according to police. He’d turned his home into what they described as “an indoor gun range.”

Police found thick books taped together and propped on a shelf in Bakh’s apartment when they searched the residence, police said. And on the books, someone had drawn a target using red marker.

Three rounds had hit the red target on the thick stack of books, police said, with one to two rounds penetrating the stack. The books were positioned against the wall shared with the couple who had awoken to gunfire, police said.

Police found a 9mm casing in the residence, as well as a 9mm Glock with unspent rounds that matched the spent casing found in Bakh’s hallway.


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## AWP (Feb 25, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> ...good ol' Florida rarely disappoints....
> 
> Florida man turned apartment into shooting range, cops say. Neighbors woke to a bang.
> 
> ...



I actually did this as kid with .22LR in my hallway. Was that wrong?


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## SpongeBob*24 (Feb 25, 2018)

For some reason......I just thought of Sledgehammer!!!!






The 80's were awesome......


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## Gunz (Feb 25, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> ...good ol' Florida rarely disappoints....
> 
> Florida man turned apartment into shooting range, cops say. Neighbors woke to a bang.
> 
> ...




Improvise, adapt, overcome.


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## Salt USMC (Feb 25, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> ...good ol' Florida rarely disappoints....
> 
> Florida man turned apartment into shooting range, cops say. Neighbors woke to a bang.
> 
> ...


Kind of reminds me of this:


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## Red Flag 1 (Feb 26, 2018)

Salt USMC said:


> Kind of reminds me of this:


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## Raptor (Feb 26, 2018)

Red Flag 1 said:


> I was trying to ID the ring on his right ring finger. It is not large enough for VMI, and I did not see the usual VMI dates,1839 for one, on either side. The Star made me think that maybe he is a Texas A&M alum.


He is. He followed in his dad's footsteps and went to A&M to become a veterinarian.


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## Red Flag 1 (Feb 26, 2018)

Raptor said:


> He is. He followed in his dad's footsteps and went to A&M to become a veterinarian.



!


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 26, 2018)

Tonight "Florida Man" made me laugh out loud and offer a "well played..."

The real Jefferson Memorial has a statue, but this one has a jukebox

The building was in its infancy when a vintage Cadillac Eldorado rumbled up the construction path. Getting out, the driver demanded to know what the finished structure was intended for.

Told that it would be a private home, the driver scoffed. The unique design, he said, gave it away. Someone was building a mosque on this residential street north of Keystone Road in Tarpon Springs.

Later, when the construction manager told the property owner about the exchange, Gareth Whitehurst couldn’t resist. He commissioned a sign with a Middle East flavor and hung it on a wrought iron gate at the front of the property for a month. Written in Arabic, the sign read:

This is not a mosque.

"At least the people who spoke Arabic wouldn’t be confused,’’ Whitehurst later laughed. "Those other SOBs could construe it any way they wished.’’


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## Frank S. (Feb 27, 2018)




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## AWP (Feb 28, 2018)

Florida woman, ladies and gentlemen.

Florida Woman Beats Up Boyfriend for Interrupting Sex to Check on Dinner



> Now to the boyfriend. He told the deputy that they were indeed “drinking alcohol, cooking, watching the Nascar race, and having a good time.”



Nascar says a lot.



> They started having sex but then he remembered he was cooking. He didn’t want the food to burn so he took a little break to check on the food.



Dude...



> Florida Woman was not having it. She smashed a T.V. onto the floor.
> 
> Her boyfriend asked what was wrong.



This is why you pay attention to your spouse or SO. Smashing a TV should be grounds for an uncontested divorce.



> Instead of answering with words she just screamed and started “striking him with a closed fist in his face, head, stomach, and legs.” He pushed her out the front door and told her to leave. She just charged at him again, so he stuck his hand out to block her, creating that red mark on her left cheek with the palm of his hand. Then he said she ran off with his vehicle.



Strike a Heisman for the win!!!!


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## DasBoot (Feb 28, 2018)

AWP said:


> Florida woman, ladies and gentlemen.
> 
> Florida Woman Beats Up Boyfriend for Interrupting Sex to Check on Dinner
> 
> ...


Shit like this will make anyone pro-eugenics.


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## Frank S. (Mar 2, 2018)

The Florida Kool Aid.


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## CQB (Mar 2, 2018)

Yep, that tops the pet vulture chorizo post. 🍟


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## SaintKP (Mar 2, 2018)

Danny Brown and MF DOOM? @Frank S. you are a man of culture and nuanced refinement.


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Mar 3, 2018)




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## AWP (Mar 7, 2018)

And a Chapelle's Show skit goes live, or something.

Targeting Tony Daniel? Tampa begins to tighten public comment rules









> More recently, Daniel made news for driving his pickup truck though the city with a large sign described in a Tampa Bay Times story last year as emblazoned with a "Confederate flag, a Nazi flag, a photo of a lynching, Mayor Bob Buckhorn’s photo, references to Home Depot and multiple uses of the word "n-----."
> 
> Daniel, who is black and has been affiliated with the International People’s Democratic Uhuru Movement, was ejected from several meetings in 2003 and 2005.


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## SaintKP (Mar 7, 2018)

When will we get one of those super bugs to wipe us out as a species? I'm ready now.


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## Red Flag 1 (Mar 7, 2018)

SaintKP said:


> When will we get one of those super bugs to wipe us out as a species? I'm ready now.


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## SaintKP (Mar 7, 2018)

Red Flag 1 said:


> Really?
> 
> We are always a mutation away from something like this. Then there is the nuclear option that will bring sterility to the planet.
> 
> Most likely a Virus and the Tardigrades will take over the world. Facts About Tardigrades



It was an attempt at some dark humor, but it is a very real and scary thought to me in all honesty. Hell, the super flu that was just going around this year killed a bunch of people some of which I even knew. With an over reliance on antibiotics and as the world becomes more and more cramped and interconnected we're almost due for mother nature to come and knock us down a peg.


I've always been fascinated by infectious diseases though, it's amazing how something so simple can change so rapidly and adapt and take advantage of an environment it's in. Also, I for one welcome our new indestructible water bear overlords.


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## Frank S. (Mar 7, 2018)

SaintKP said:


> I've always been fascinated by infectious diseases though, it's amazing how something so simple can change so rapidly and adapt and take advantage of an environment it's in. Also, I for one welcome our new indestructible water bear overlords.



Richard Preston makes for entertaining reading. As for tardigrades, I was way off base, thinking they enabled police call boxes to travel through time.


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## CQB (Mar 7, 2018)

FFS Frank...






Sorry, can’t stop laughing 😂


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## DC (Mar 7, 2018)

Ban Gatoraide not Gators!!!


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Mar 16, 2018)

'Mad Nailer' deliberately scattering roofing nails on a portion of Florida's US 1


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## AWP (Mar 17, 2018)

Goat assault!

Woman charged with battery after falling on goat

MILTON, Fla. (WEAR) — A Pensacola woman is facing a battery charge for allegedly physically assaulting her nephew after she fell on top of a goat while intoxicated.


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## Chopstick (Mar 17, 2018)

I have solid evidence that I have never been in Milton Florida.  Just sayin'.


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## Ooh-Rah (Mar 26, 2018)

Good ol'Florida....

Florida woman marries’ 100-year-old tree, hoping to save it

"If they cut down this tree, I’m going to be a widow," she said.


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## Etype (Mar 26, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> BAN ASSAULT GATORS!


Where does it end? First my assault rifle then my gator? 



P.S.- I love the good people of my state. NC rednecks are so boring compared to Floridians.


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## Etype (Mar 26, 2018)

AWP said:


> Uhuru Movement


In case anyone else was wondering, from Wikipedia- 





> The *Uhuru Movement* _(Uhuru_ is the Swahili word for freedom.[1]) is a socialist movement centered on the theory of African Internationalism, which provides a historical material explanation for the social and economic conditions of African people worldwide. The Movement has been led by the African People's Socialist Party (APSP)[2] whose chairman is Joseph Waller who founded the movement in 1972.


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## DasBoot (Mar 26, 2018)

Etype said:


> Where does it end? First my assault rifle then my gator?
> 
> 
> 
> P.S.- I love the good people of my state. NC rednecks are so boring compared to Floridians.


You really can’t top the inbred methed out insanity of the Sunshine State. The I4 corridor is like being in a permanent episode of Jerry Springer.


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## Etype (Mar 26, 2018)

DasBoot said:


> You really can’t top the inbred methed out insanity of the Sunshine State. The I4 corridor is like being in a permanent episode of Jerry Springer.


I grew up about 45 minutes north of I-4, but most of my family lived in Lakeland and Winter Haven. Those are definitely the lands of which you speak.


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## x SF med (Mar 27, 2018)

Etype said:


> I grew up about 45 minutes north of I-4, but most of my family lived in Lakeland and Winter Haven. Those are definitely the lands of which you speak.



Ah,that explains a lot....  almost everything...  but still leaves a few unanswered questions.


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## Gunz (Mar 27, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Good ol'Florida....
> 
> Florida woman marries’ 100-year-old tree, hoping to save it
> 
> "If they cut down this tree, I’m going to be a widow," she said.




Goddammit you beat me to it.


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## Gunz (Mar 27, 2018)

AWP said:


> And a Chapelle's Show skit goes live, or something.
> 
> Targeting Tony Daniel? Tampa begins to tighten public comment rules



The Uhuru's started the infamous St Pete riots back in the 90's when Curt Curtsinger returned as chief of SPPD...in his previous tenure he oversaw the busting of a guy named Romeo--the Southside's biggest dope dealer--and the community thought that was a racist move. "If Curt Returns, St. Pete Burns."


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## AWP (Mar 27, 2018)

Ocoka said:


> The Uhuru's started the infamous St Pete riots



This is why I hate Star Trek.


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## SaintKP (Mar 27, 2018)

Stay classy Flo-.....uhh California and New York?

Stoneman Douglas suspects remain in jail after memorial was plundered

_"Witnesses told police they saw Michael Shawn Kennedy, of Hollywood, and Kara M. O’Neil, of Fulton, N.Y., pilfering cherished items from the campus memorial, created in the aftermath of the shooting that killed 17 students and staffers and injured 17 others on Feb. 14."_


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Mar 28, 2018)

What in the actual fuck...
Female McDonald's cashier charged with incest after she and brother have baby with 'severe medical problems'


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## SaintKP (Mar 28, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> What in the actual fuck...
> Female McDonald's cashier charged with incest after she and brother have baby with 'severe medical problems'



Somehow this would be even more perfect if they worked at a Waffle House in Alabama or in the city of brotherly love. Or is that too on the nose?


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## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Mar 29, 2018)

SaintKP said:


> Somehow this would be even more perfect if they worked at a Waffle House in Alabama or in the city of brotherly love. Or is that too on the nose?



Man I miss Waffle House. I fucking hate NJ


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## SaintKP (Mar 29, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> Man I miss Waffle House. I fucking hate NJ



I don't know how far away it is for you but I'd have to drive almost 3 hours just to go to the closest one in MO. I think it's asinine that CO and MO can have a plethora of Waffle Houses but NE gets jack.


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## x SF med (Mar 29, 2018)

The last time we went to a Waffle House, they were out of waffles.  
True story, worst part, it was the one on Skibo on a Bragg graduation weekend, there were other SS members there...  Really a Waffle house ran out of waffles...
Not FL, but the stupid qualifies on the level of FL.


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## DasBoot (Mar 30, 2018)

First time I threw up in college was at a Waffle House in Lakeland. Good times.


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## Etype (Mar 30, 2018)

x SF med said:


> The last time we went to a Waffle House, they were out of waffles.
> True story, worst part, it was the one on Skibo on a Bragg graduation weekend, there were other SS members there...  Really a Waffle house ran out of waffles...
> Not FL, but the stupid qualifies on the level of FL.


That's why there's two on that corner.


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## Topkick (Mar 30, 2018)

x SF med said:


> The last time we went to a Waffle House, they were out of waffles.
> True story, worst part, it was the one on Skibo on a Bragg graduation weekend, there were other SS members there...  Really a Waffle house ran out of waffles...
> Not FL, but the stupid qualifies on the level of FL.



No shit...I went to a Wings and Rings not too long ago. They were out of chicken wings.


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## x SF med (Mar 31, 2018)

Etype said:


> That's why there's two on that corner.



apparently, the truck for both stores never showed up, no waffles at either one...  there were some pissed off people on that side of Bragg that night.


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## rhanzlikusaf (Mar 31, 2018)

CDG said:


> President Trump really needs to do something about these gator throwing incidents.  This is what happens when you have a crocodile apologist in the White House.  Also, he's racist because that term has to be constantly attached to anything relating to someone the Democratic Party does not agree with.  #GatorLivesMatter  #ClawsUpDon'tShoot  #Gatorvan Martin  #DrainTheSwamp


#ClawsUpDontShoot maybe be my favorite hashtag of all time


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## DC (Apr 2, 2018)

Pregnant woman upset with Disney Cruise Line after family escorted out by armed officer

Keeping it classy Fl.


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## Ooh-Rah (Apr 3, 2018)

DC said:


> Pregnant woman upset with Disney Cruise Line after family escorted out by armed officer
> 
> Keeping it classy Fl.



Not sure what your stance is on this but a few pieces of additional info:

- The woman is not from Florida
- The woman was 26 weeks pregnant and Disney is clear in their terms that that is a ‘no go’.
- She began to argue for an exception and began filming.
- She even had a doctor’s note saying she was okay to travel, which means she knew about the policy.

I fully support Disney in this one, and offer a ‘well done’ to the Miami Police in charge of security at the port.


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## Blizzard (Apr 3, 2018)

But...but...she _had_ a note! 

Ugh...and, sadly, they've reproduced.


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## DC (Apr 3, 2018)

The whole thing is hilarious. The dumb prego whining, Disney being well Disney, the overweight cop...it’s all well newsworthy Floridianesk😉


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## racing_kitty (Apr 3, 2018)

Every last cruise line bans travel for pregnant passengers after 24 weeks. All of them. No exceptions, no notes from doctors. DCL was 100% in the right on this. 

All of the comments regarding the “police overreaction” are laughable. The Miami-Dade Officer was in the proper uniform for providing enhanced security at a soft target infested with international tourists on a major religious holiday. I won’t make a statement about his deportment because I didn’t watch the whole video. Hell, I didn’t watch any of it. 

For the police to be called to escort them out indicates an adult got particularly mouthy and belligerent. The DCL desk clerks are considered cast members by the mouse conglomerate; their code of conduct requires them to be hyper-saccharine. Yes, even cast members have bad days once in a while, but I’m confident that the shitty attitude was all on the pax side of the desk. 

Fuck this bitch.


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## Gunz (Apr 3, 2018)

Anyway, it's fucking April. Time for all these tourist assholes to GTFO and go home...And let us resume the voodoo that we do...


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## AWP (Apr 6, 2018)

Suspect uses vacuum to decapitate man in Kissimmee, police say



> OSCEOLA COUNTY, Fla. - A murder suspect is accused of *beating a man so violently with a vacuum cleaner that he severed the victim's head*, leaving him beaten beyond recognition, according to the Kissimmee Police Department.



Vacuum cleaner decapitation is the name of my new band.


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## SaintKP (Apr 6, 2018)

Just imagine how clean his carpets are. Probably blows my Kirby out of the water.


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## AWP (Apr 6, 2018)

SaintKP said:


> Just imagine how clean his carpets are. Probably blows my Kirby out of the water.



His Kirby can beat anything.


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## SaintKP (Apr 6, 2018)

AWP said:


> His Kirby can beat anything.



After a cup of coffee and a reread I realize now that he beat the dude with the vacuum, not that the vacuums suction power managed to pull the dudes head off. Still, does the vacuum work? I can see it as a major selling point in terms of durability.

Also you're fine on the band name the closest, as far as I could find, is Cattle Decapitation, a reformed vegetarian goregrind band.


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## DC (Apr 6, 2018)

Ban vacuums...March on Dyson...where’s Hogg


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## Etype (Apr 6, 2018)

AWP said:


> OSCEOLA COUNTY, Fla. - A murder suspect is accused of *beating a man so violently with an ASSAULT vacuum cleaner that he severed the victim's head*, leaving him beaten beyond recognition, according to the Kissimmee Police Department.


The word from my relatives down in FL is-  this particular vacuum had a HIGH CAPACITY dust bag and was PAINTED BLACK.

BAN ASSAULT VACUUMS!!!


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## Gunz (Apr 6, 2018)

AWP said:


> Suspect uses vacuum to decapitate man in Kissimmee, police say
> 
> 
> 
> Vacuum cleaner decapitation is the name of my new band.



Now yer talkin. That's FL Hall of Fame shit right there. Lobster Boy would be proud.


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## DC (Apr 6, 2018)

Hey the VCD band is playin tonite on the Cocoa Beach pier... bring your dirtbags and lint rollers and git suckin....


----------



## DasBoot (Apr 6, 2018)

AWP said:


> Suspect uses vacuum to decapitate man in Kissimmee, police say
> 
> 
> 
> Vacuum cleaner decapitation is the name of my new band.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Apr 19, 2018)

All hail return of the Florida Man!

Cops: Drunk Driver Wore Novelty Undies

_APRIL 17--A Florida Man arrested early Thursday on a drunk driving charge was in his underwear behind the wheel, according to cops who noted that the suspect’s drawers were imprinted with the word “breathalyzer” and the phrase “blow here,” which was “near his genitals.”_


----------



## DasBoot (Apr 20, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> All hail return of the Florida Man!
> 
> Cops: Drunk Driver Wore Novelty Undies
> 
> _APRIL 17--A Florida Man arrested early Thursday on a drunk driving charge was in his underwear behind the wheel, according to cops who noted that the suspect’s drawers were imprinted with the word “breathalyzer” and the phrase “blow here,” which was “near his genitals.”_


----------



## AWP (Apr 23, 2018)

The title alone is worth an entry in this thread.

He pimped a minor at Santa's Enchanted Forest. He got slapped with federal prison



> A Miami pimp's reaction to a Santa's Enchanted Forest employee not paying for sex with a 16-year-old led cops to him and a prison sentence for sex trafficking.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Apr 24, 2018)

I don't know man, cops are gonna cop, but at the funeral home?

Cops Try Unlocking Phone With Dead Man's Finger

Florida police have raised eyebrows by showing up at a funeral home and trying to use a dead man's finger to access his phone, the _Tampa Bay Times_ reports. Victoria Armstrong was at Sylvan Abbey Funeral Home in Clearwater when two detectives showed up and held the hands of her fiance, Linus Phillip, to the fingerprint sensor on his phone. "I just felt so disrespected and violated," Armstrong says. The unlocking attempt failed, but police—who shot and killed Phillip in a gas-station clash last month, per WFLA—say the phone's data could have helped in probing the man's death and resolving a drug inquiry that includes Phillip. The move also triggered debate about using a corpse to unlock a phone.


----------



## SaintKP (Apr 24, 2018)

Digging up graves is probably hard. 

Still not as bad as taking a selfie with the dead body though...I've actually had family do that but that's Missouri for you.


----------



## Box (Apr 24, 2018)

Now if those two officers had snuck in, absconded with the dead mans fingerprints, unlocked the phone AND used the data to solve a crime then I would feel comfortable elevating their status to “cop-erators”.

Instead they just seem like a couple of assholes that crashed a funeral


----------



## CDG (Apr 24, 2018)

Promposal contains joke about blacks 'picking cotton.' People aren't laughing

Florida never disappoints.


----------



## J. (May 1, 2018)

Police: Man kicked swans in the head at Orlando park

“Multiple people told officers they saw Rocco Joseph Mantella kicking swans "as hard as possible" as he appeared to practice karate.”


----------



## AWP (May 3, 2018)

You steal my socks, I find a samurai sword. That's the Florida way.

Man angry over socks attacks 2 with sword in Hudson, deputies say

HUDSON, Fla. (WFLA) - A Hudson man is behind bars after deputies say he attacked two people with a sword because he was angry over socks.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (May 4, 2018)

Florida Man back in business!

Man: I'll confess to 8 killings for better food

In a letter to Orange County Circuit Judge Keith White, Scott Edward Nelson says in exchange for better jail food, Nelson will agree to confess to eight murders and several armed bank robberies, for which he says he has not been caught.

In the five-page letter, Nelson wrote he has been in some of the worst prisons in America, but by far, the Orange County Jail has been the worst for him.

“I am starving to death,” Nelson wrote in his letter to the judge.

Nelson, 54, wrote that he will offer a full confession and cooperation if he can get a high-calorie diet, saying he has lost 40 pounds of body weight since Oct. 1 of last year while awaiting trial on charges that he killed Fulford.


----------



## runninrunninrunnin (May 9, 2018)

Florida man charged with trying to 'barbecue' sex offenders at motel

Yikes. Wonder if he was going for a slow cook or a hot n’ fast sear. We’ll never know.


----------



## Chopstick (May 10, 2018)

I am going to hell.  I am laughing so hard over here I am crying.  
Enjoy.

Deputies: Polk man tried to hide legless girlfriend in plastic tote



> A Winter Haven man is accused of trying to hide his legless fugitive girlfriend in a plastic storage container.
> The Lakeland Ledger reports John Robert Carr Jr., 48, faces a resisting arrest charge after trying to hide Krystle Lee Anderson, 39, when Polk County deputies and U.S. Marshals officials showed up at his home on Tuesday.
> Carr told the officers she was not home, but they saw him trying to put the 4-foot-tall Anderson in a plastic tote. The two were arrested.
> Anderson was wanted for failure to appear on charges stemming from a 2015 incident where she held hostages at an Orange County Burger King with a BB gun. She was shot by a police officer, leading to the loss of her legs, the Ledger reported.


----------



## Gunz (May 10, 2018)

Chopstick said:


> I am going to hell.  I am laughing so hard over here I am crying.
> Enjoy.
> 
> Deputies: Polk man tried to hide legless girlfriend in plastic tote



I don't understand. Doesn't everybody?


----------



## Devildoc (May 10, 2018)

The Police found her....


----------



## CQB (May 10, 2018)

All I'm thinking is 'cheap holiday'


----------



## AWP (May 10, 2018)

Good old Polk county. It never disappoints.


----------



## Gunz (May 11, 2018)

AWP said:


> Good old Polk county. It never disappoints.



Good old (insert name of Florida County here). It never disappoints.


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (May 11, 2018)

Chopstick said:


> Florida man arrested for reportedly tossing gator into Wendy's
> 
> Maybe his Frosty wasn't Frosty enough?  o_O



This has gotta be the greatest thing I've read this year. Tossing a live gator into a drive in window. That is awesome!


----------



## Gunz (May 11, 2018)

Diamondback 2/2 said:


> This has gotta be the greatest thing I've read this year. Tossing a live gator into a drive in window. That is awesome!




It's not just awesome...it's _Florida._


----------



## Ooh-Rah (May 11, 2018)

Florida Man on full alert!

Naked man said bomb was about to go off at Daytona Beach airport, deputies say

With bonus video and *audio*!


----------



## SaintKP (May 11, 2018)

If there was ever a state that could be compared to a slow motion car crash this would be it. I just wish more states tried to be like Florida, help liven up the news and make it more interesting.


----------



## Gunz (May 11, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Florida Man on full alert!
> 
> Naked man said bomb was about to go off at Daytona Beach airport, deputies say
> 
> With bonus video and *audio*!




Dammit, the high socks give me away every time.


----------



## Chopstick (May 11, 2018)

@Ooh-Rah that video made me dizzier than one of Boon's rafting videos, and laugh twice as much.


----------



## CDG (May 11, 2018)

I couldn't find the article I read that mentioned it, but apparently this chick was from Florida.  FL is now exporting their crazy. God help us all.

https://nypost.com/2018/05/10/hitler-loving-stalker-sent-guy-65k-texts-after-one-date-cops/


----------



## Chopstick (May 11, 2018)

@CDG Good God....her eyes....


----------



## SaintKP (May 11, 2018)

Chopstick said:


> @CDG Good God....her eyes....



It's all in the eyes, everytime.


----------



## Devildoc (May 14, 2018)




----------



## CQB (May 14, 2018)

We used to live in shoebox in middle of road.  
We used to live in corridor.


----------



## Gunz (May 14, 2018)

CQB said:


> We used to live in shoebox in middle of road.
> We used to live in corridor.



We used to _dream_ of living in a corridor
would've been a palace to us...


----------



## AWP (May 15, 2018)

5 minutes from my house. Level of difficulty: NOT George Zimmerman.

Officers shoot, kill man at Lake Mary shopping center

I live around white people, this isn't supposed to happen to us!!!!


----------



## Gunz (May 15, 2018)

AWP said:


> 5 minutes from my house. Level of difficulty: NOT George Zimmerman.
> 
> Officers shoot, kill man at Lake Mary shopping center
> 
> I live around white people, this isn't supposed to happen to us!!!!



SUV-driving White suburbanite lives matter.


----------



## AWP (May 22, 2018)

(Naked man+Cooking oil) x Taser=Florida Man

Police: Florida man tasered after walking naked through neighborhood carrying cooking oil


----------



## Gunz (May 22, 2018)

This is how we explain the birds and the bees in Florida.

Florida man climbs playground equipment, allegedly yells to children about how babies are born


----------



## Gunz (May 30, 2018)

Police: Clearwater man caught masturbating tells officers he's Captain Kirk


----------



## Ooh-Rah (May 30, 2018)

Ocoka said:


> Police: Clearwater man caught masturbating tells officers he's Captain Kirk


He was just to get his communicator to work!


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (May 30, 2018)

Holy fuck Florida.


----------



## AWP (May 31, 2018)

"Hey, what can we name our daughter?"
"Florida Woman?"
"Nah, I have a better idea."

Anonymous complaint in St. Augustine leads to arrest of two on drug charges



> Crystal Methvin and Douglas Nickerson were arrested on drug possession charges.


----------



## SaintKP (Jun 1, 2018)

Not crime related but somehow this could only happen in Florida. However I feel its pertinent to this thread as it involves a man in Florida, a cockroach, and the roach trying to lay eggs inside of the mans skull. You've been warned.

https://gizmodo.com/man-says-dying-roach-left-eggs-in-his-ear-i-heard-it-d-1826452177


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 8, 2018)

I feel like we should just lock the Florida thread now. What can top this?

Adam Putnam’s office stopped concealed weapons background checks for a year because it couldn’t log in

For more than a year, the state of Florida failed to conduct national background checks on tens of thousands of applications for concealed weapons permits, potentially allowing drug addicts or people with a mental illness to carry firearms in public.
.
.
.
The employee in charge of the background checks could not log into the system,


----------



## AWP (Jun 8, 2018)

One employee with access to the system and the backup can barely use it....which is also probably outside of his scope? I'm a contractor and that behavior would have me fired.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 8, 2018)

AWP said:


> I'm a contractor and that behavior would have me fired.



In Florida it probably gets you elected.


----------



## Chopstick (Jun 9, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> In Florida it  gets you elected.


FIFY


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 10, 2018)

Mommy, I want to go see the Crocs in Florida...


----------



## BloodStripe (Jun 10, 2018)

https://gizmodo.com/florida-didnt-run-fbi-background-checks-on-gun-buyers-f-1826701317
Jesus. No wonder @AWP got his.


----------



## AWP (Jun 12, 2018)

Got us a doubleheader today. 

"Ole' Joe won't leave his house? What we gonna' do, Zeb?"
"Bombs."

He wanted to get rid of apartment tenants. Then, the bombs went off, cops say

He pulls a rake, you pull a hammer! THAT's the Florida way!

Pasco sheriff: Naked man broke into home, used rake in attack

Bonus points for using "bowed up" in the arrest report.


----------



## Topkick (Jun 16, 2018)

Florida driver chugged can of Busch during DUI stop, cops say

One last drink before they haul me off.


----------



## SaintKP (Jun 16, 2018)

Topkick said:


> Florida driver chugged can of Busch during DUI stop, cops say
> 
> One last drink before they haul me off.




Gotta respect that the man has his priorities straight.

"I still have to go to work."


----------



## AWP (Jun 16, 2018)

You know what's troublesome....the world was probably as bad or close before the Internet allowed us to see these stories. I want to believe we've always this much and these levels of stupidity for generations.


----------



## AWP (Jun 27, 2018)

We have 'shrooms, a naked guy standing in a fire, swinging a stick at police, arming himself with a knife, chanting.... 

Florida man stood in fire, chanted before his arrest, cops say. Family says he needs help


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 27, 2018)

AWP said:


> We have 'shrooms, a naked guy standing in a fire, swinging a stick at police, arming himself with a knife, chanting....
> 
> Florida man stood in fire, chanted before his arrest, cops say. Family says he needs help


“Family say he needs help”. 

Where’s my Captain Obvious meme!?!


----------



## AWP (Jun 27, 2018)

Ooh-Rah said:


> “Family say he needs help”.
> 
> Where’s my Captain Obvious meme!?!



Enlisting in the Space Force.


----------



## racing_kitty (Jun 27, 2018)

AWP said:


> Enlisting in the Space Force.



Oh God. I can only imagine what the blotter around Cape Canaveral will look like with a fresh influx of Space Force junior enlisted


----------



## AWP (Jul 4, 2018)

There are three lakes that flank the entrance to my subdivision. From time-to-time we'll see ducks or turtles making the trek across the road. Most of us stop and either wait for them to cross or help them, especially the turtles.

Because this is the Florida thread....

Two brave women help alligator cross busy intersection



> Kerr says that two women, who were stopped at the light, then jumped out of their separate cars to direct traffic away from the alligator and herded it back to Downey Park.


----------



## CQB (Jul 4, 2018)

I digress, but I have this image of one of the Lunar astronauts splashing down, getting sorted, getting into a Pontiac Bel Air and driving home. 'Hi babe! Back from the Moon." Another day at the plant.


----------



## AWP (Jul 5, 2018)

In the state of Florida, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: people like you and me, who live normal lives; and Florida Man, who you read about on the Internet. These are their stories. 

GONG! GONG!

Deltona man surrenders after calling in bomb threat, barricading himself in home

"My neighbor is pointing a device at me that shoots microwaves into my brain. I guess I just need to call in a bomb threat on a police station."


----------



## AWP (Jul 19, 2018)

Today we have a monkey named Spanky (cue Beavis and Butthead laugh), a history of violence at the local Home Depot, and fleeing the state to avoid charges.

Her pet monkey bit a Home Depot worker. Now, she’s behind bars.


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Jul 19, 2018)

AWP said:


> Today we have a monkey named Spanky (cue Beavis and Butthead laugh), a history of violence at the local Home Depot, and fleeing the state to avoid charges.
> 
> Her pet monkey bit a Home Depot worker. Now, she’s behind bars.


----------



## Chopstick (Jul 28, 2018)




----------



## AWP (Aug 7, 2018)

Florida man, parkour edition.

Florida man shocked while attempting parkour on power pole

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. — A man was shocked by more than 7,000 volts of electricity after he scaled a building and attempted to walk on a Florida Power and Light power pole in downtown West Palm Beach.


----------



## CQB (Aug 7, 2018)

Truly shocking...there, I said it.


----------



## AWP (Aug 16, 2018)

When a Florida man gets cancer and needs more sick days for his treatment, his coworkers and strangers...wait, this can't be Florida. That's not how any of this works.

Florida teacher battling cancer posted plea for sick days. His co-workers didn’t let him down



> The Florida public school teacher figured he needed at least 20 additional sick days to deal with more chemotherapy, days he just didn’t have. So on July 23, right there in a room at Tomsich Health and Medical Center of Palm Beach County, Goodman took a selfie, posted it on Facebook and appealed for help.
> 
> Within four days he had enough sick days to cover an entire semester.
> 
> Teachers, staff members, administrators and even lunchroom workers who pay into the Florida retirement system transferred 75 sick days to Goodman.


----------



## Devildoc (Aug 17, 2018)




----------



## Devildoc (Aug 17, 2018)

Florida Man Arrested After Smearing Human Poop On Supermarket Food


----------



## Devildoc (Aug 17, 2018)




----------



## SaintKP (Aug 17, 2018)

Devildoc said:


>


----------



## Blizzard (Aug 17, 2018)

Devildoc said:


>


Yeah, he looks about right for that.


----------



## digrar (Aug 18, 2018)

Devildoc said:


>



Florida man now goes by the nickname "The Pelican". 

Imagine hitting that with the high pressure hose, atomising and wafting all over the place... You'd want to be wearing a NBC suit.


----------



## DasBoot (Aug 18, 2018)

Devildoc said:


>


...Dad?


----------



## AWP (Sep 15, 2018)

A Florida Man update, courtesy of a hurricane...in South Carolina, because that's how we roll. Dumb and all over the place.

Hurricane Florence


----------



## AWP (Oct 10, 2018)

The headline is awesome, the story is better.

Did the commissioner accused of sphincter bleaching just compare the mayor to Hitler?



> Last month, the mayor of Hallandale Beach, Keith London, bizarrely accused fellow commissioner Anabelle Lima-Taub of profiting from bleaching her sphincter, causing public outrage and series of #MeToo posts on social media. Now, Lima-Taub is the one under fire for apparently comparing the mayor to Adolf Hitler during Wednesday night’s regularly scheduled commission meeting.


----------



## CQB (Oct 10, 2018)

#MeToo! Can I bleach my sphincter?


----------



## AWP (Nov 1, 2018)

Florida Woman decided to celebrate Halloween this year.

Nazi skeletons saluting Hitler in concentration camp, neighbors outraged



> In the yard - skeleton after skeleton, saluting Hitler with concentration camp identification numbers on their arms and a Star of David on their chests.


----------



## SaintKP (Nov 1, 2018)

AWP said:


> Florida Woman decided to celebrate Halloween this year.
> 
> Nazi skeletons saluting Hitler in concentration camp, neighbors outraged




What?.... Has no one ever heard of modern art before?


----------



## DA SWO (Nov 1, 2018)

AWP said:


> Florida Woman decided to celebrate Halloween this year.
> 
> Nazi skeletons saluting Hitler in concentration camp, neighbors outraged


Neighbors should re-enact Inglorious Bastards and burn the house down.


----------



## racing_kitty (Nov 3, 2018)

Florida Man will stop at nothing to make that beer run!

Behold!!!


----------



## Dame (Nov 4, 2018)

Shooting up a Yoga studio? Two dead, five others injured. At least he's burning in hell now.


> TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) — A brooding military veteran and former teacher appeared to have made videos in which he railed at women and blacks, years before he fatally shot two women at a Florida yoga studio, wounded five other people and then killed himself.


Yoga shooter appeared to have made misogynistic videos


----------



## BloodStripe (Nov 17, 2018)

True story.


----------



## DasBoot (Nov 18, 2018)

Thank Florida for your newest meme

Large-necked man and Joker lookalike are upping the ‘Florida Man’ mugshot game


----------



## BloodStripe (Jan 9, 2019)

Woman attacks parents for not taking her to Outback

And in other Florida news today, a 28 year old woman went off on her parents for not taking her to Outback.


----------



## AWP (Jan 9, 2019)

BloodStripe said:


> Woman attacks parents for not taking her to Outback
> 
> And in other Florida news today, a 28 year old woman went off on her parents for not taking her to Outback.



This isn't the Florida we need, it is the Florida we deserve.


----------



## DasBoot (Jan 9, 2019)




----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Jan 9, 2019)

BloodStripe said:


> Woman attacks parents for not taking her to Outback
> 
> And in other Florida news today, a 28 year old woman went off on her parents for not taking her to Outback.



28 living at home, fat as fuck and pissed her parents won't take her grazing...


----------



## Topkick (Jan 13, 2019)

Florida is what Florida does...
Florida man chews up seat of police car after cocaine arrest, officials say


----------



## policemedic (Jan 20, 2019)




----------



## racing_kitty (Jan 20, 2019)

policemedic said:


> View attachment 26079


Goddamnit, CARROT


----------



## RackMaster (Jan 24, 2019)

Classy chick. 

https://www.wftv.com/news/trending-...-licked-employees-face-deputies-say/909203480


----------



## AWP (Jan 24, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Classy chick.
> 
> https://www.wftv.com/news/trending-...-licked-employees-face-deputies-say/909203480



I'm going to go out on a limb and say drugs were involved.


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Jan 24, 2019)

AWP said:


> I'm going to go out on a limb and say drugs were involved.



I was just about to say cocaine is a helluva drug... But maybe more appropriatly, Meth will steal your soul... Lol


----------



## racing_kitty (Jan 24, 2019)

I was thinking meth, which would mean she’s probably from Pace. That was straight Pensacola, though.


----------



## AWP (Jan 24, 2019)

racing_kitty said:


> I was thinking meth, which would mean she’s probably from Pace. That was straight Pensacola, though.



Just about the entire state can lay claim to high density pockets of meth heads. P-cola has nothing on Polk County.


----------



## BloodStripe (Feb 1, 2019)

Florida Man Killed Parents, Brother After Being Kicked Out Over Theft of $210K He Sent to Woman He Met on Porn Site: Sheriff

Can we at least just build a wall around Florida?


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Feb 1, 2019)

BloodStripe said:


> Florida Man Killed Parents, Brother After Being Kicked Out Over Theft of $210K He Sent to Woman He Met on Porn Site: Sheriff
> 
> Can we at least just build a wall around Florida?


Now that’s a Go-Fund-Me I’d contribute to.


----------



## medicchick (Feb 1, 2019)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Now that’s a Go-Fund-Me I’d contribute to.


Your own state was making news in Florida though...

Man threw meth-fueled 'death party' for his wife before she died, deputies say


----------



## racing_kitty (Feb 1, 2019)

medicchick said:


> Your own state was making news in Florida though...
> 
> Man threw meth-fueled 'death party' for his wife before she died, deputies say



I think Florida Man was a touch jealous.


----------



## medicchick (Feb 4, 2019)

Stay classy..

Pasco stripper gets into fight, strips meter off wall at gentleman's club
Deputies said Christie Caratini-Mendoza, 37, punched the other woman several times in the face, knocked her down and kicked her while she was on the floor.


----------



## Cookie_ (Feb 4, 2019)

medicchick said:


> Your own state was making news in Florida though...
> 
> Man threw meth-fueled 'death party' for his wife before she died, deputies say


Maybe he was inspired by Doug Stanhope


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Feb 4, 2019)

Cookie_ said:


> Maybe he was inspired by Doug Stanhope


Stanhope is so damn funny. This one gets me every time.


----------



## BloodStripe (Feb 26, 2019)

Florida man arrested for allegedly throwing cookie at girlfriend

Note to self. If I'm going to throw a cookie at my wife first get a tattoo on my face for some prison cred and fucked up mug shot.


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Feb 26, 2019)

WTF?  they took him for a food fight? 

My wife hits me with all kinds of shit, empty beer cans I left on the coffee table,  food serving utensils when I sneak test food.  I can't tell the amount of cups of water I've had tossed on me.  But a fucking hard cookie and HO LEE CHIT! that little Mexican woman of mine better watch her goddamn step.  I'll get all trailer trash on her,  and scream bloody murder.  Teach her about over baking my goddamn cookie!

Fucking Florida, they must have the good Meth out there... Lmao


----------



## BloodStripe (Feb 26, 2019)

About the only good left in Florida. 

Two marines met in a burger joint during World War II. Their 75th wedding anniversary is Saturday


----------



## SaintKP (Feb 28, 2019)




----------



## BlackSmokeRisinG (Mar 2, 2019)

Never stepped foot in FL, but when I read this I immediately thought of this thread. 

Fight over 2Pac in Clearwater sends man to hospital


----------



## racing_kitty (Mar 6, 2019)

I’m sure he believes his sense of style is impeccable. 



> The semi-nude cyclist has struck again.
> 
> A man wearing a headband, hot pink socks and sneakers and we believe a thong was spotted riding a bicycle backwards Sunday on Interstate 95


----------



## AWP (Mar 27, 2019)

His mom refused to dress his mannequin...and that's just the beginning.


----------



## Bunsickle (Mar 27, 2019)

Florida, a season-less state, hot and humid most of the year does weird things to people, I absolutely hate and despise the place. If you want weird head on down to the Keys. One day I saw this grown man dressed like a toddler with an oversized toddler looking bike at the cross walk, immediately saw red.


----------



## DasBoot (Mar 27, 2019)

Bunsickle said:


> Florida, a season-less state, hot and humid most of the year does weird things to people, I absolutely hate and despise the place. If you want weird head on down to the Keys. One day I saw this grown man dressed like a toddler with an oversized toddler looking bike at the cross walk, immediately saw red.


Toddler people? Fuck that’s just Tuesday morning in Gainesville...


----------



## racing_kitty (Apr 5, 2019)

When Florida Man and Florida Woman love each other, they go to the Redneck Mud Park and tie the knot.


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 5, 2019)

Florida Man prefers to drink their piss warm. 

Florida Gas Station Forced to Post Sign: 'Do Not Warm Urine' in Microwave


----------



## AWP (Apr 5, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Florida Man prefers to drink their piss warm.



I don't understand the problem.


----------



## SaintKP (Apr 5, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Florida Man prefers to drink their piss warm.
> 
> Florida Gas Station Forced to Post Sign: 'Do Not Warm Urine' in Microwave




This only reinforces the idea that every warning label ever is because of someone doing it in the first place. Humanity is truly a beautiful thing.


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 6, 2019)

AWP said:


> I don't understand the problem.



Nothing but make sure your mixing with whiskey.  A hot toddy with vodka, just isn't the same.


----------



## Totentanz (Apr 6, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Nothing but make sure your mixing with whiskey.  A hot toddy with vodka, just isn't the same.



I am equal parts thoroughly impressed  and thoroughly disgusted at that thought. Well done.


----------



## Gunz (Apr 6, 2019)

Florida is America's drain. All the trash east of the Mississippi gets sucked down here. Which, when you think of it, is Florida's best excuse for its remarkable ability to generate perverse news. Because most of the people who live here are from somewhere else.


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 6, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Nothing but make sure your mixing with whiskey.  A hot toddy with vodka, just isn't the same.



Then my work here is done.


----------



## LibraryLady (Apr 7, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> Florida is America's drain. All the trash east of the Mississippi gets sucked down here. Which, when you think of it, is Florida's best excuse for its remarkable ability to generate perverse news. Because most of the people who live here are from somewhere else.


What happens west of the Mississippi?  

LL


----------



## Viper1 (Apr 7, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> Florida is America's drain. All the trash east of the Mississippi gets sucked down here. Which, when you think of it, is Florida's best excuse for its remarkable ability to generate perverse news. Because most of the people who live here are from somewhere else.



A former Methodist preacher going through a Catholic retreat with me told me this after I told him I moved away from South Carolina: "There are two basements in the United States. South Carolina is one. Mississippi is the sub-basement." 

Savage burn from an 88-year old man. Fire and brimstone indeed. 

I do like Tampa though. I see why a lot of SOF folks move there.


----------



## Gunz (Apr 7, 2019)

LibraryLady said:


> What happens west of the Mississippi?
> 
> LL



They go to Vegas.


----------



## Dame (Apr 9, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> They go to Vegas.


You beat me to it.


----------



## racing_kitty (Apr 13, 2019)

One should not let Florida women congregate publicly. The police will get involved.


----------



## digrar (Apr 13, 2019)

> led police on a 21-mile (34-kilometer) chase



We might get you guys converted over to metric yet...


----------



## digrar (Apr 14, 2019)

Cassowary kills suspected breeder in Florida



> *Cassowary kills suspected breeder in Florida*
> Posted about 2 hours ago
> 
> 
> ...



Angry bush chooks are not to be fucked with. Stupid Florida Man...


----------



## AWP (Apr 14, 2019)

digrar said:


> Angry bush chooks are not to be fucked with. Stupid Florida Man...



But what a very Florida Man way to go! He fell down and was shanked by a large flightless bird imported from the most dangerous continent in the history of ever? Florida Man does not halfass anything.


----------



## SaintKP (Apr 14, 2019)

Florida Man gets too much of a bad rep at times.


----------



## AWP (Apr 14, 2019)

FUS RO DAH!!!! Florida Man.


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 19, 2019)

Scohol is for losers! 

You had one job: Road crew misspells 'school' on crosswalk


----------



## Devildoc (Apr 19, 2019)

Hey, at least he tried.  Gotta give the man credit.

Florida man pretends to be a cop, pulls over actual cop, gets arrested


----------



## Dame (Apr 20, 2019)

They start 'em young down there.
2 teen girls are facing a raft of felony charges in alleged plot to kidnap and kill 9 people


> A pair of 14-year-old Florida middle school girls are facing felony charges for conspiracy to commit kidnapping and murder after being arrested this week in what authorities described as a plot to kidnap and kill 9 people.
> Court records obtained by ABC News Tampa affiliate WFTS and reviewed by ABC News indicate that a teacher told police she observed the girls acting “hysterical” while searching for a folder at school, and heard one say that “I’m just going to tell them it’s a prank if they call me or if they find it.”
> ABC News is withholding the identity of the girls due to their age.


----------



## Gunz (Apr 20, 2019)

Naked Florida man robs Little League concession stand. Steals hotdogs.

A naked man burglarized a Little League concession stand in Dunedin


----------



## Gunz (Apr 20, 2019)

SaintKP said:


> Florida Man gets too much of a bad rep at times.
> 
> View attachment 27361



C'mon now...real Florida Man news isn't weird enough?

FACT CHECK: Florida Veteran Daniel Sharp Convinces Two Female Officers to Perform Sexual Acts with Him

Why doesn't it surprise me that he was a Marine SAW gunner? 😏


----------



## SaintKP (Apr 20, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> C'mon now...real Florida Man news isn't weird enough?
> 
> FACT CHECK: Florida Veteran Daniel Sharp Convinces Two Female Officers to Perform Sexual Acts with Him
> 
> Why doesn't it surprise me that he was a Marine SAW gunner? 😏




This is why we can't have nice things.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Apr 23, 2019)

The state that just keeps on giving.  Get a load of this guy, good luck fitting in!

Florida Man Obeys Law, Stays Out Of Trouble


----------



## digrar (Apr 25, 2019)

Looking to buy a cassowary? One that killed its previous owner is up for sale 

Bird for sale, only killed once, no homicidal pattern of behaviour identified at this stage.


----------



## SpongeBob*24 (Apr 25, 2019)

Bringing back an oldie but a goodie....


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 25, 2019)

digrar said:


> Looking to buy a cassowary? One that killed its previous owner is up for sale
> 
> Bird for sale, only killed once, no homicidal pattern of behaviour identified at this stage.



Sound's like I'd need to buy some more charcoal.


----------



## digrar (Apr 25, 2019)

I'd be looking at mallee fowl or even bin chickens before I'd look at eating one of those big bush chooks.


----------



## RackMaster (Apr 26, 2019)

digrar said:


> I'd be looking at mallee fowl or even bin chickens before I'd look at eating one of those big bush chooks.



Fucker's gonna try to kill me, it's gonna get cooked.


----------



## SaintKP (May 8, 2019)

I can't believe I'm saying this but, I'm on Florida Man's side here. If we can't have a "I eat ass" bumper sticker, can we truly consider ourselves a free nation?

Florida man arrested after refusing to remove ‘I eat a–’ bumper sticker


----------



## RackMaster (May 8, 2019)

SaintKP said:


> I can't believe I'm saying this but, I'm on Florida Man's side here. If we can't have a "I eat ass" bumper sticker, can we truly consider ourselves a free nation?
> 
> Florida man arrested after refusing to remove ‘I eat a–’ bumper sticker



It is Ass Eating Season...


----------



## Ooh-Rah (May 8, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> It is Ass Eating Season...


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (May 8, 2019)

SaintKP said:


> I can't believe I'm saying this but, I'm on Florida Man's side here. If we can't have a "I eat ass" bumper sticker, can we truly consider ourselves a free nation?
> 
> Florida man arrested after refusing to remove ‘I eat a–’ bumper sticker



I gave my brother my old truck when he was in highschool.  It had a rebel flag sticker on the back window that said "eat more GRITS (girls raised in the south)". He was pulled over by a cop who was black and took offense,  got a ticket for any stupid shit the cop could find.  Anyway I never thought for any minute the sticker was racist, but we peeled it and I paid the fines. My dad made a complaint to the PD and we went on our way. I always was conflicted about it, as I never felt I was being racist, but was upset that the cop took it as such,  but also,  because he used his position to fuck with my brother over a sticker. 

Anyway,  I just thought I would share,  sometimes things bring back old memories.


----------



## Gunz (May 9, 2019)

Florida man drives lawnmower into police car, blames cops for giving him cocaine


----------



## Gunz (May 9, 2019)

Florida woman pulls baby alligator from her pants during routine traffic stop, cops also find 41 turtles in car


----------



## racing_kitty (May 9, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> Florida woman pulls baby alligator from her pants during routine traffic stop, cops also find 41 turtles in car


Without clicking through to the article, I shudder to think where those turtles were holed up at (SWIDT).


----------



## DA SWO (May 9, 2019)

racing_kitty said:


> Without clicking through to the article, I shudder to think where those turtles were holed up at (SWIDT).


Someplace moist?


----------



## RackMaster (May 13, 2019)

Now this one isn't so bad. 

Florida Manatee Orgy Near Tampa Bay Highway Causes World's Most Awkward Traffic Jam


----------



## BloodStripe (May 15, 2019)




----------



## Scarecrow (May 22, 2019)




----------



## Ooh-Rah (May 22, 2019)

Scarecrow said:


> View attachment 27972


There is plenty of silliness in Florida without resorting to obvious fake news “click bait”.

FACT CHECK: Two Burglars Sodomized for Five Straight Days?

Come on man, you are better than this.


----------



## Scarecrow (May 22, 2019)

Sorry mate, had it sent to me earlier today and the Florida thing stuck out. 

Will fact check next time.


----------



## Gunz (May 22, 2019)

Scarecrow said:


> Sorry mate, had it sent to me earlier today and the Florida thing stuck out.
> 
> Will fact check next time.



AUSTRALIAN MAN EATS OWN FOOT AFTER POSTING BOGUS FLORIDA MAN STORY AND GETTING CHASTISED BY MOD.


----------



## AWP (May 22, 2019)

To be fair, the "we broke into a man's house and were raped for 5 days" is a solid Florida story. How do we know it hasn't already happened?

Exactly. Check mate. Florida.


----------



## Gunz (May 22, 2019)

AWP said:


> To be fair, the *"we broke into a man's house and were raped for 5 days" *is a solid Florida story. How do we know it hasn't already happened?
> 
> Exactly. Check mate. Florida.




I think we know who the _"we"_ were:

"We met up at Bagram. The things B-huts could say...."


----------



## Devildoc (May 31, 2019)

Florida Man up to his shenanigans:

https://www.nbc-2.com/story/4057352...bz0p9SpJGMWFJi5WcAgwq_LASwgKw8MbDVoZ7LLOK-xM4


----------



## Gunz (May 31, 2019)

Devildoc said:


> Florida Man up to his shenanigans:
> 
> https://www.nbc-2.com/story/4057352...bz0p9SpJGMWFJi5WcAgwq_LASwgKw8MbDVoZ7LLOK-xM4




Gunplay and arson during sex are mandatory for citizenship in Florida.


----------



## AWP (May 31, 2019)

Does she have a sister? Asking for a friend.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 11, 2019)

Sometimes the Florida Woman is more frightening than the Florida Man....

Men...take a moment before you read this one....



Spoiler



Florida woman, 21, 'squeezed her boyfriend's genitals until they bled'


----------



## SaintKP (Jun 11, 2019)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Sometimes the Florida Woman is more frightening than the Florida Man....
> 
> Men...take a moment before you read this one....
> 
> ...




Theres a direct correlation between attractiveness and level of crazy, and aside from her squeezing lemonade out of lemons. Sign me up.


----------



## AWP (Jun 11, 2019)

Thorazine and condoms can fix that...


----------



## Box (Jun 11, 2019)

Ole' Katie Pitchfork seems to have a history of violence. 

Nooooooo thank you. 

If it means keeping my nuts from being squashed by a psyhopath - I'll take a "can I talk to a manager" haircut, a few freckles, and an extra 20 pounds on a gal wearing mom-jeans before I'm letting Ms Pitchfork into my automobile.


----------



## SaintKP (Jun 11, 2019)

Box said:


> Ole' Katie Pitchfork seems to have a history of violence.
> 
> Nooooooo thank you.
> 
> If it means keeping my nuts from being squashed by a psyhopath - I'll take a "can I talk to a manager" haircut, a few freckles, and an extra 20 pounds on a gal wearing mom-jeans before I'm letting Ms Pitchfork into my automobile.




There are flavors of ice cream such as jalapeno bacon and well....vanilla. Gotta risk it for the biscuit man.


----------



## Gunz (Jun 11, 2019)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Sometimes the Florida Woman is more frightening than the Florida Man....
> 
> Men...take a moment before you read this one....
> 
> ...




Hey listen, I was a single guy until I got married at age 44...and ten of those single years (86-96) were spent on Madeira Beach FL (AKA "Mad Beach")...so I had plenty of time to study Florida Woman and regret what my dick was doing. Every week was a new adventure in SERE.


----------



## Box (Jun 11, 2019)

I'm not ready to risk my "biscuits" over the chance at a new and exciting ice cream flavor.
I'll just live vicariously through others - its much safer for a guy my age.

Ms Pitchfork has the look of unbalanced crazy in her eyes - no amount of jalapeno/bacon ice cream can fix that - hell: Ben and Jerry dont make a flavor thats worth risking my biscuits


----------



## Gordus (Jun 11, 2019)

*".... violating* her* probation
.... *was arrested in October* AND *November 2017 for* resisting *an* officer with VIOLENCE."*

Florida Man: "But she cute though"


----------



## BloodStripe (Jun 11, 2019)

Everyone knows crazy bitches have the best pussy.


----------



## Isiah6:8 (Jun 11, 2019)

BloodStripe said:


> Everyone knows crazy bitches have the best pussy.



Yeah but that one looks like you will need a chimney sweep a couple weeks after


----------



## digrar (Jun 11, 2019)




----------



## Raptor (Jun 11, 2019)

SaintKP said:


> Theres a direct correlation between attractiveness and level of crazy


I thought you just had to stay below the Crazy-Hot Line.


----------



## BloodStripe (Jun 11, 2019)

Isiah6:8 said:


> Yeah but that one looks like you will need a chimney sweep a couple weeks after



Meh. I R grunt. Besides I think deep down Doc loves giving a bore sweep occasionally.


----------



## Viper1 (Jun 11, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> Hey listen, I was a single guy until I got married at age 44...and ten of those single years (86-96) were spent on Madeira Beach FL (AKA "Mad Beach")...so I had plenty of time to study Florida Woman and regret what my dick was doing. Every week was a new adventure in SERE.


There's a solid book title there somewhere. "Mad Beach: A Weekly Adventure in SERE"


----------



## Kraut783 (Jun 11, 2019)

I would bond her out


----------



## Viper1 (Jun 12, 2019)

Raptor said:


> I thought you just had to stay below the Crazy-Hot Line.


This chart is funnier once I realized her job. 
*Pitchford, a hairstylist, was arrested for battery and violating her probation” *


----------



## AWP (Jun 12, 2019)

Raptor said:


> I thought you just had to stay below the Crazy-Hot Line.



Jennifers and Rebeccas...mos def add them to that list


----------



## amlove21 (Jun 12, 2019)

AWP said:


> Jennifers and Rebeccas...mos def add them to that list


142%.


----------



## medicchick (Jun 12, 2019)

I have yet to meet one named after booze (Brandy, Sherry, etc.) that isn't batshit too. Ambers at Bibbys school are horribad.


----------



## RackMaster (Jun 12, 2019)

amlove21 said:


> 142%.



Make that 284%.


----------



## Gunz (Jun 12, 2019)

My contribution from the *very few* times I hit Joe Redner's places in Tampa:

Okay Gents, get your hands out of your laps and put 'em together for..._Cinnamon_! ...or... _Roxy, Chrystal, Candy, Charity, Amber, Cherry, Jade, Destiny, Chastity, Bambi, Star, Raven, Diamond, Chardonnay, Houston, Coco, Chyna, Paris,  _and my personal favorite,_ Suction..._


----------



## AWP (Jun 12, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> My contribution from the *very few* times I hit Joe Redner's places in Tampa:
> 
> Okay Gents, get your hands out of your laps and put 'em together for..._Cinnamon_!



The TACP OIC at work is a prior enlisted, redhead, Ranger school grad, etc. Our running joke is that his post-op stage name is Sin-amon. We have the DJ's monologue planned, song, everything for the "guy's" first night on the pole. I don't know what this has to do with the thread, but thought it worth sharing based upon the name.

Great guy, loved by his airmen, but I can't help to think of his stage name while sitting in the weekly maintenance meeting. 

How will I go back to a normal job after this...


----------



## Gunz (Jun 12, 2019)

AWP said:


> The TACP OIC at work is a prior enlisted, redhead, Ranger school grad, etc. Our running joke is that his post-op stage name is Sin-amon. We have the DJ's monologue planned, song, everything for the "guy's" first night on the pole. I don't know what this has to do with the thread, but thought it worth sharing based upon the name.
> 
> Great guy, loved by his airmen, but I can't help to think of his stage name while sitting in the weekly maintenance meeting.
> 
> How will I go back to a normal job after this...



Shouldn't it be "Sin-a-man?" Just a marketing suggestion.


----------



## R.Caerbannog (Jun 12, 2019)

AWP said:


> The TACP OIC at work is a prior enlisted, redhead, Ranger school grad, etc. Our running joke is that his post-op stage name is Sin-amon. We have the DJ's monologue planned, song, everything for the "guy's" first night on the pole. I don't know what this has to do with the thread, but thought it worth sharing based upon the name.
> 
> Great guy, loved by his airmen, but I can't help to think of his stage name while sitting in the weekly maintenance meeting.
> 
> How will I go back to a normal job after this...


Inquiring minds are curious as to the song and DJ monologue. On the other hand, this could be a chapter in a book on the absurdities of Freefalling's life in Afghanistan. I dunno, maybe between the chapter of porta-potty humor in Bagram and the nuances of snagging/forcibly acquiring the best office chair?


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 16, 2019)

Silly Florida Man, there is no such thing as a good land deal!

Florida man accidentally bought a foot-wide strip of grass in auction


----------



## Raksasa Kotor (Jun 16, 2019)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Silly Florida Man, there is no such thing as a good land deal!
> 
> Florida man accidentally bought a foot-wide strip of grass in auction



Wonder how much his HOA dues are going to be.


----------



## Gunz (Jun 26, 2019)

Pinky's Revenge

Florida Man who killed the famous Busch Garden dancing flamingo, dies

Man accused in flamingo's death fatally struck by truck

The original tragic story

'Pinky' the dancing flamingo killed at Busch Gardens


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Jun 26, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> My contribution from the *very few* times I hit Joe Redner's places in Tampa:
> 
> Okay Gents, get your hands out of your laps and put 'em together for..._Cinnamon_! ...or... _Roxy, Chrystal, Candy, Charity, Amber, Cherry, Jade, Destiny, Chastity, Bambi, Star, Raven, Diamond, Chardonnay, Houston, Coco, Chyna, Paris,  _and my personal favorite,_ Suction..._


There is always a Karma, Mercedes, Lexus and "Starr".


----------



## SaintKP (Jun 26, 2019)

Diamondback 2/2 said:


> Mercedes



Speaking hypothetically and obviously in conjecture here, but I've never seen a Mercedes that disappoints. Sure you might get stabbed, clothes lit on fire, utensils and/or plates thrown at you. But the price of admission is worth it.

The "Sierra" and "Marisela" of the world also are worth the price of admission regardless of the Terms and Conditions.


----------



## Gordus (Jun 26, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Make that 284%.



568% No regrets.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 26, 2019)

Court: Man on Trial for Burglary Throws Feces at Judge, Misses | Breitbart

Dorleans Philidor, 33, was sitting in a wheelchair in the courtroom before closing arguments on Friday when he “cast feces” in the direction of Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Lisa Walsh and missed, the _Miami Herald_ reported.

County law enforcement officers and corrections officers swarmed the scene while lawyers ran away from the commotion.

*“It’s protein! It’s good for you!” Philidor yelled, according to witnesses.*


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Jun 26, 2019)

Because sometimes even The Florida Man gets it right....

*Link to Video *

Dad nosedives over 4ft fence into pool to save his one-year-old son

A Florida father jumped into action to save his one-year-old son from drowning after he fell in a pool.

Video shows Albert Passavanti and his family enjoying some fun in the sun at their West Balm Beach home on Sunday.

All of a sudden, Rocco falls into the pool and immediately struggles.

But Albert is fast on his feet, taking off running and quickly diving over the fence into the pool.

He surfaces, moments later, with his son.


----------



## Centermass (Jun 29, 2019)

Polk County......a woman driving a F150 with a grown man locked in a dog cage


----------



## AWP (Jun 29, 2019)

Centermass said:


> Polk County......



That alone is worth a post, much less a man in a dog cage. The sheriff, Grady Judd, is awesome though.


----------



## DasBoot (Jun 30, 2019)

Centermass said:


> Polk County......a woman driving a F150 with a grown man locked in a dog cage
> 
> 
> View attachment 28317


Polk county is to Florida what Florida is to America.


----------



## x SF med (Jun 30, 2019)

R.Caerbannog said:


> Inquiring minds are curious as to the song and DJ monologue. On the other hand, this could be a chapter in a book on the absurdities of Freefalling's life in Afghanistan. I dunno, maybe between the chapter of porta-potty humor in Bagram and the nuances of snagging/forcibly acquiring the best office chair?



Dude (Looks like a Lady)  has to be one of the songs...


----------



## Gunz (Jun 30, 2019)

Ooh-Rah said:


> Because sometimes even The Florida Man gets it right....
> 
> *Link to Video *
> 
> ...




The fence isn't 4 feet. And that's how we teach our kids to swim in FL.


----------



## R.Caerbannog (Jun 30, 2019)

x SF med said:


> Dude (Looks like a Lady)  has to be one of the songs...


 With Kenny Rogers crooning a modern rendition of Scarlet Fever as a follow up song?

Oh! Better idea! Scarlet Fever would be played as a cover by Nickleback! Heck, Free's Bagram inspired strip club could also exclusively play nonstop Nickleback covers for all it's songs. (During the off time he can sub-lease it as temporary interrogation site)

DJ announcer: "Our next dancer just recently transitioned and is gonna need your love and support.  Alright folks! Get you dollar bills together fooooor Georgeinaaaa!" (Nickleback cover of a DJ Kaleed song starts blaring in the background)


----------



## AWP (Jul 1, 2019)

R.Caerbannog said:


> Heck, Free's Bagram inspired strip club could also exclusively play nonstop Nickleback covers for all it's songs.



I need you to go set yourself on fire.


----------



## R.Caerbannog (Jul 1, 2019)

AWP said:


> I need you to go set yourself on fire.


Sigh... great thinkers are often unappreciated in their time. Also, leaded or unleaded?


----------



## BloodStripe (Jul 1, 2019)

Fox News: Florida couple had drugs, toddler in bug-infested car, cops say.
Florida couple had drugs, toddler in bug-infested car, cops say

Send these ass hats to NK.


----------



## AWP (Jul 1, 2019)

R.Caerbannog said:


> Sigh... great thinkers are often unappreciated in their time. Also, leaded or unleaded?


----------



## RackMaster (Jul 17, 2019)

Florida man is stepping up his game in the wrong direction ... 

Florida man tied up wife's lover, cut off penis: police


----------



## LibraryLady (Jul 17, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Florida man is stepping up his game in the wrong direction ...
> 
> Florida man tied up wife's lover, cut off penis: police


Note. No word on the whereabouts of the missing appendage.

LL


----------



## AWP (Jul 17, 2019)

Held the paramour at gunpoint? Meh.
Chopped off the penis? Whatevs
FLED WITH SAID PENIS: Florida Man.


----------



## DasBoot (Jul 17, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Florida man is stepping up his game in the wrong direction ...
> 
> Florida man tied up wife's lover, cut off penis: police


Alright so seeing as this article is about me, allow me to clear somethings up...


----------



## RackMaster (Jul 17, 2019)

@DasBoot


----------



## AWP (Jul 17, 2019)

Y'all understand that if me @DasBoot and @Ocoka ever link up...you're gonna' work for us when it is over.


----------



## Gunz (Jul 17, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Florida man is stepping up his game in the wrong direction ...
> 
> Florida man tied up wife's lover, cut off penis: police




The irony here is that Florida itself is shaped like a giant penis. You have to look for the symbolism in the acts of Florida Man.


----------



## Gunz (Jul 17, 2019)

AWP said:


> Y'all understand that if me @DasBoot and @Ocoka ever link up...you're gonna' work for us when it is over.



Wasn't it Tom Petty who sang "The drunk tank in Orlando is just a motel room for me."? 

Because that's my ambition...


----------



## DasBoot (Jul 17, 2019)

AWP said:


> Y'all understand that if me @DasBoot and @Ocoka ever link up...you're gonna' work for us when it is over.


I mean it’s gonna get weird. Like. Really weird.


----------



## Gunz (Jul 17, 2019)

DasBoot said:


> I mean it’s gonna get weird. Like. Really weird.



I would bring my crash helmet, my swim fins and my crack pipe.


----------



## DasBoot (Jul 17, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> I would bring my crash helmet, my swim fins and my *crack pipe*.



Is yours bedazzled too?!

Also this is how I usually party, you decide if this is how the nights gonna go:


----------



## Raksasa Kotor (Jul 17, 2019)

AWP said:


> Y'all understand that if me @DasBoot and @Ocoka ever link up...you're gonna' work for us when it is over.





DasBoot said:


> I mean it’s gonna get weird. Like. Really weird.





Ocoka said:


> I would bring my crash helmet, my swim fins and my crack pipe.



I'm in. I'll be the dude at the bar wearing nothing but rollerblades and a light coat of Crisco.


----------



## Brill (Jul 17, 2019)

DasBoot said:


> Is yours bedazzled too?!
> 
> Also this is how I usually party, you decide if this is how the nights gonna go:
> 
> View attachment 28572



That is straight out of Algiers Station.

Ex-CIA official sentenced for drugging, assaulting woman in Algeria



> In his plea hearing, Warren confessed that on February 17, 2008, he rendered a woman unconscious and then committed "abusive sexual contact" at the American embassy in Algeria.
> Warren also admitted that, on April 26, 2010, he used cocaine while possessing a 9 mm Glock semi-automatic pistol.


----------



## DasBoot (Jul 17, 2019)

The Morning After, when we come to terms with the meth we’ve smoked, endangered species we molested, and hookers we killed.


----------



## RackMaster (Jul 17, 2019)

DasBoot said:


> The Morning After, when we come to terms with the meth we’ve smoked, endangered species we molested, and hookers we killed.
> View attachment 28576



Part of me misses partying like that.  Then the old and tired part reminds me it's bedtime.  lol


----------



## SpongeBob*24 (Jul 17, 2019)

DasBoot said:


> The Morning After, when we come to terms with the meth we’ve smoked, endangered species we molested, and hookers we killed.
> View attachment 28576



@DasBoot Who's carrying you?


----------



## AWP (Jul 17, 2019)

It looks like every dime from 15 years of contracting is going towards bail and we mos def will have to surrender our passports.


----------



## GOTWA (Jul 17, 2019)

AWP said:


> It looks like every dime from 15 years of contracting is going towards bail and we mos def _will have to surrender our passports.
> _




That's nothing but a hiccup.


----------



## racing_kitty (Jul 18, 2019)

AWP said:


> It looks like every dime from 15 years of contracting is going towards bail and we mos def will have to surrender our passports.



The fact that bail would even be set is a sign that I wasn’t at that party.


----------



## Gunz (Jul 18, 2019)

racing_kitty said:


> The fact that bail would even be set is a sign that I wasn’t at that party.



There's that....and it ain't a party unless you're tased twice...in the face.


----------



## LibraryLady (Jul 18, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Part of me misses partying like that.  Then the old and tired part reminds me it's bedtime.  lol


Bah... You're too young to feel that way... Crippled up? Yes... 

LoL

LL


----------



## RackMaster (Jul 18, 2019)

LibraryLady said:


> Bah... You're too young to feel that way... Crippled up? Yes...
> 
> LoL
> 
> LL



Maybe once the kids are a little more self sufficient, I'll have more energy.  lol


----------



## LibraryLady (Jul 18, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> Maybe once the kids are a little more self sufficient, I'll have more energy.  lol


Yup, forgot that one, Dad-ness can make you feel that way. From what I've been told. 

LL


----------



## AWP (Jul 21, 2019)

Crocodiles are endangered? Let's raise them where they are protected from man...

...next to a nuclear power plant.

American crocodiles thriving outside nuclear plant

Florida Man, now with Science!


----------



## digrar (Jul 22, 2019)

That's a piss poor excuse for a salt water crocodile, a bit of nuc therapy might help it not get laughed at by the other considerably more bitey salties.

On the upside, they'd be a nice little deterrent, providing security against eco warrior activists and what not.


----------



## Kaldak (Sep 14, 2019)

Florida man strikes again...

Florida man says he smashed car windows because ‘Trump owes me 1 trillion dollars’


----------



## Centermass (Oct 17, 2019)

*Florida man *arrested for launching filled diapers from catapult at moving cars

The catapult was five feet high and weighed over 50 pounds. It could launch diapers a quarter of a mile.

In total the man launched 63 filled diapers at moving cars. The man was arrested and is waiting trail for endangering the public and assault with a deadly weapon. He faces up to life in prison. 

Florida man arrested for launching filled diapers from catapult at moving cars - The Stonk Market


----------



## Gunz (Oct 17, 2019)

Centermass said:


> *Florida man *arrested for launching filled diapers from catapult at moving cars
> 
> The catapult was five feet high and weighed over 50 pounds. It could launch diapers a quarter of a mile.
> 
> ...




A diaper catapult has a max range of 100 meters, at best. So, no, I call bullshit.


----------



## Totentanz (Oct 17, 2019)

Centermass said:


> *Florida man *arrested for launching filled diapers from catapult at moving cars
> 
> The catapult was five feet high and weighed over 50 pounds. It could launch diapers a quarter of a mile.
> 
> ...


----------



## LibraryLady (Oct 17, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> A diaper catapult has a max range of 100 meters, at best. So, no, I call bullshit.


Sounds like a man with experience... Where do you live?  

LL


----------



## RackMaster (Oct 17, 2019)

Ocoka said:


> A diaper catapult has a max range of 100 meters, at best. So, no, I call bullshit.



I have an excess of diapers lately, I may give it a try.


----------



## Box (Oct 17, 2019)

Make jokes about crocodiles living next to a nuclear plant - its funny now but we all know what comes next..................................


----------



## AWP (Oct 17, 2019)

Totentanz said:


>



You beat me to it.


----------



## Box (Oct 24, 2019)

A Florida man admitted to doing “stupid stuff” after sexually assaulting two stuffed animals in a Target store. 

The Snowman technically wasn't wearing any clothes - just a few buttons stabbed into his torso - so, I'm not saying that Olaf had it coming for running around naked with a carrot nose but I am not hearing any reports of Olaf resisting or saying "no" - besides, what do we know about Olavs lifestyle choices, personal pronouns, or previous "In-store-behavior"

Now, "No" means "no" but if Olaf was a willing participant, then the fact that Cody Meader (the alleged doll humper) later admitted to doing "stupid stuff" and that he "nutted" on the beloved Disney character shouldn't be held against him...

...on second thought, maybe something should be done to ensure that no stuffed animal are held against him in the future either.  

Worst of all - the victim (Olaf) was DESTROYED after the fact.  People think slut shaming is bad - poor Olaf got dry humped at Target and then tossed out like last weeks left overs.


----------



## AWP (Oct 24, 2019)

I just want to give a shout out to Florida staying Florida after all of these years. Let no state take our title, no matter what the cost.


----------



## GOTWA (Oct 24, 2019)

AWP said:


> I just want to give a shout out to Florida staying Florida after all of these years. Let no state take our title, no matter what the cost.



I feel like you're always deployed just so you can stay out of Florida.  I bet you're gone right now...


----------



## AWP (Oct 24, 2019)

GOTWA said:


> I feel like you're always deployed just so you can stay out of Florida.  I bet you're gone right now...



I can trace my family to an 1809 Spanish land grant, so yeah...


----------



## GOTWA (Oct 24, 2019)

AWP said:


> I can trace my family to an 1809 Spanish land grant, so yeah...


You dodged that elicitation attempt like a god damn wizard.


----------



## Brill (Oct 24, 2019)

AWP said:


> I can trace my family to an 1809 Spanish land grant, so yeah...



GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!!!!

Oh, wait.


----------



## Gunz (Oct 24, 2019)

Box said:


> A Florida man admitted to doing “stupid stuff” after sexually assaulting two stuffed animals in a Target store.
> 
> The Snowman technically wasn't wearing any clothes - just a few buttons stabbed into his torso - so, I'm not saying that Olaf had it coming for running around naked with a carrot nose but I am not hearing any reports of Olaf resisting or saying "no" - besides, what do we know about Olavs lifestyle choices, personal pronouns, or previous "In-store-behavior"
> 
> ...




This is a copy cat crime.

Man 'has sex with stuffed animal' at Walmart - WND


----------



## Gunz (Oct 25, 2019)

"Proceeded to pull out his genitals..."

"Proceeded to hump the stuffed horse utilizing short fast movements."

Really? Do Police reports have to describe the actual motion the perv "_utilized_"? And _"proceeded to hump"_? What the hell is that? Is "hump" an official law enforcement term? Sounds like Fergie wrote that report.


----------



## Chopstick (Oct 25, 2019)

Florida PoliceMAN has to write the Florida Man Police reports.


----------



## AWP (Nov 26, 2019)

Florida Man handling bidness about 10 miles from my house.

Mostly naked Florida man accused of spreading feces during school break-in



> The opened cake container was found in the classroom’s trash can along with a child’s sweatshirt that was covered in frosting and feces, according to the affidavit.
> Hand prints and foot prints of fecal matter were found at the window ledge in the classroom where Shay broke in, authorities said.
> A stapler was found placed in a toilet and a TV remote that was covered in feces and frosting was located in the bathroom as well, according to the report.


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## Brill (Nov 26, 2019)

AWP said:


> Florida Man handling bidness about 10 miles from my house.
> 
> Mostly naked Florida man accused of spreading feces during school break-in



Pretty shitty way to treat school property. That’ll leave a stain on his permanent record.


----------



## AWP (Dec 3, 2019)

Florida Man brought a .22 to a Nerf gun fight. No word on if the child was an adventurer before he took a bullet to the knee...

Child playing with Nerf gun shot by intoxicated man in Sanford home, officials say



> One of the children said while they were playing with the Nerf guns, Knuth told them he had a real gun and was going to put a real bullet in it.


----------



## Gunz (Dec 3, 2019)

*FLORIDAMAN
*


----------



## RackMaster (Dec 4, 2019)

If it wasn't Florida, I'd call bullshit. 

Florida couple buys baby bouncer at Goodwill, finds semi-automatic rifle inside


----------



## AWP (Dec 4, 2019)

RackMaster said:


> If it wasn't Florida, I'd call bullshit.
> 
> Florida couple buys baby bouncer at Goodwill, finds semi-automatic rifle inside



Even if it isn't real? I'm still claiming that shit.

Flor-i-da!
Flor-i-da!
Flor-i-da!
(chant continues)


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## AWP (Jan 4, 2020)

In these crazy times we can still count on Florida Man to be Florida Man.

Naked Florida Man Arrested for Biting Police Dog in Ear While High on Meth | Maverick | 92.1 CTQ



> Last Friday in High Springs, Florida, police were called to a residence, where they found Donald Watts *high on methamphetamine* and rolling around in the mud in a ditch. He was also completely naked and *making bird noises*.
> 
> When Watts *spotted the cops, he punched one of them and failed to be deterred by stun guns*. Accompanied by a K-9 officer named Casper, police found Watts in some woods nearby. He proceeded to *get down on all fours and mimic the police dog, which he bit in the ear.*
> 
> Casper responded by biting Watts in the head, and Watts was finally arrested on multiple charges.


----------



## Brill (Jan 4, 2020)

AWP said:


> In these crazy times we can still count on Florida Man to be Florida Man.
> 
> Naked Florida Man Arrested for Biting Police Dog in Ear While High on Meth | Maverick | 92.1 CTQ



cannot wait for the police cam to be released!


----------



## Kaldak (Jan 4, 2020)

Let the poor man enjoy being a bird. Arrest him after he remembers his name...poor Florida man!


----------



## BloodStripe (Jan 4, 2020)

Typical Florida shenanigans. 

Florida man woken up by another man sucking on his toes, police searching for perpetrator


----------



## SaintKP (Jan 7, 2020)

BloodStripe said:


> Typical Florida shenanigans.
> 
> Florida man woken up by another man sucking on his toes, police searching for perpetrator



Gotta look at the local purchases of Tabasco..


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## Gunpowder (Jan 7, 2020)

SaintKP said:


> Gotta look at the local purchases of Tabasco..


Works on cats...


----------



## SaintKP (Jan 7, 2020)

Gunpowder said:


> Works on cats...



Would Tabasco flavored peanut butter be too ambitious?


----------



## Gunpowder (Jan 10, 2020)

SaintKP said:


> Would Tabasco flavored peanut butter be too ambitious?


Hmmm


----------



## RackMaster (Jan 21, 2020)

Florida man is stepping up to murder. 

Man stabs, kills pro-Trump boss, drapes American flag over him, deputies say


----------



## Gunz (Jan 21, 2020)

RackMaster said:


> Florida man is stepping up to murder.
> 
> Man stabs, kills pro-Trump boss, drapes American flag over him, deputies say



I would not want to be stabbed with a trowel.


----------



## Blizzard (Jan 21, 2020)

Gunz said:


> I would not want to be stabbed with a trowel.


Picky, picky.


----------



## Devildoc (Jan 24, 2020)

Florida man, meet Massachusetts woman:

Massachusetts serial pooper arrested after police catch her defecating in parking lot: reports


----------



## LibraryLady (Jan 24, 2020)

Devildoc said:


> Florida man, meet Massachusetts woman:
> 
> Massachusetts serial pooper arrested after police catch her defecating in parking lot: reports


A match made in.... uh, somewhere...

LL


----------



## DA SWO (Jan 24, 2020)

Devildoc said:


> Florida man, meet Massachusetts woman:
> 
> Massachusetts serial pooper arrested after police catch her defecating in parking lot: reports


Her booking photo is a classic.


----------



## DA SWO (Jan 24, 2020)

Gunz said:


> I would not want to be stabbed with a trowel.


My dad was a bricklayers, trowels are fucking sharp.


----------



## Gunz (Jan 25, 2020)

Devildoc said:


> Florida man, meet Massachusetts woman:
> 
> Massachusetts serial pooper arrested after police catch her defecating in parking lot: reports



Doc scuttlebutt was we had a "Phantom Shitter" on the USS Shreveport. Allegedly did a dump on the helo flight deck...and in various other locations. A sailor, of course, supposedly big and hairy, like Saquatch...


----------



## Devildoc (Jan 25, 2020)

Gunz said:


> Doc, scuttlebutt was we had a "Phantom Shitter" on the USS Shreveport. Allegedly did a dump on the helo flight deck...and in various other locations. A sailor, of course, supposedly big and hairy, like Saquatch...



The phantom shitter is naval lore; apparently there is one on every naval ship that can launch an aircraft. I heard about it on one of the floats, but I assumed it was just urban legend.


----------



## Dame (Jan 26, 2020)

*Florida man accused of pointing lasers at landing planes, injuring a pilot*
Florida man accused of pointing lasers at landing planes, injuring a pilot 
*Should we start hyphenating this? Florida-man accused of ...?*



> A man in Florida is facing multiple charges after allegedly pointing a laser at planes trying to land at Sarasota-Bradenton International Airport, injuring a pilot.
> The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said Charlie Chapman Jr., 41, was arrested on Wednesday after he was caught on camera aiming a laser pointer toward planes four times. When a sheriff's helicopter tried to locate Chapman, he pointed a laser at them.
> When authorities made contact with Chapman, "he grabbed a hammer and made a striking motion towards the deputies," prompting officers to deploy a taser on him. Chapman was taken to a hospital. He was later released and taken to jail, the sheriff's office said.


*ETA: Is this a seasonal thing? This is from February 2019:*
*The warning label on laser said ‘Never aim at aircraft.’ Florida-man ignored it, cops say. *
https://www.miamiherald.com/news/state/florida/article226415525.html


----------



## CQB (Jan 27, 2020)

Devildoc said:


> The phantom shitter is naval lore; apparently there is one on every naval ship that can launch an aircraft. I heard about it on one of the floats, but I assumed it was just urban legend.


Floats, bobbers & sinkers...who knew?


----------



## BloodStripe (Feb 5, 2020)

And here we have the Floridian with highest level of honesty.

Florida troopers find narcotics in bag labeled ‘Bag Full of Drugs’


----------



## R.Caerbannog (Mar 24, 2020)

Why CNN is fake news. Florida dems apparently party...

__ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1242222336910094336


Spoiler: Andrew Gillium








Context w/pictures of hotel room (it gets worse):
Inside hotel room where Andrew Gillum was found with male escort


----------



## DasBoot (Mar 24, 2020)

R.Caerbannog said:


> Why CNN is fake news. Florida dems apparently party...
> 
> __ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1242222336910094336
> 
> ...


Please don’t ruin this thread with.... what we will call... “your stuff.” This isn’t the politics thread.
This is the meth thread. 
This is the bestiality thread. 
This is the meth and bestiality thread. 
This... is the... Florida thread.

Not the “I wake up at 0600 and start ranting about the DEMO-CRAPS and the DEEP STATE” thread....Forreal man.

Pro tip- delete the first half of the post, and just post the former candidate getting porked by a male hooker. That’s funny, and very Florida. Drug abuse? Yes. Extreme sexual behavior? Yep. Person indulging is a politician? Got it. Very Florida- post would have been a 7/10 Florida post. Or it could have been...


----------



## R.Caerbannog (Mar 24, 2020)

DasBoot said:


> Please don’t ruin this thread with.... what we will call... “your stuff.” This isn’t the politics thread.
> This is the meth thread.
> This is the bestiality thread.
> This is the meth and bestiality thread.
> ...


Enjoy the schadenfreude too much to make edit's (other than grammar).

If you go through the article gallery there's plenty of other pics to include baggies of meth, blood pressure cuff, injectable liquid, and god knows what on the kitchen table. No bestiality though... figured the poop and vomit covered sheets, pillow, and towels in conjunction with everything else was Florida enough.



Spoiler: Table mystery item






Scroll down Andy Ngo's twitter thread if you're bored. 

__ https://twitter.com/i/web/status/1241149786440364032
Edit: Just noticed there's a disco party light under a bottle of coke.  (not grammar related but funny)


----------



## RackMaster (Jul 15, 2020)

Even though they aren't from Florida, this is worthy. 

Spirit airline employees battered in violent brawl over delayed flight


----------



## Andoni (Jul 15, 2020)

RackMaster said:


> Even though they aren't from Florida, this is worthy.
> 
> Spirit airline employees battered in violent brawl over delayed flight


Spirit is the Greyhound Bus of the sky.


----------



## Blizzard (Jul 15, 2020)

Andoni said:


> Spirit is the Greyhound Bus of the sky.


----------



## Andoni (Jul 15, 2020)

Blizzard said:


>


This is so validating 🤣🤣🤣. I have not flown Spirit, but I did book a Spirit flight for someone else to fly, and boy, was that a mess. It was delayed for 12 hours, in 90 minute increments.


----------



## Marauder06 (Aug 3, 2020)




----------



## AWP (Aug 12, 2020)

Another felon, another case of the police taking a thug off the street, another case of Florida Man.

Only FM is the officers.

Video shows Key West police officers handcuff, arrest 8-year-old boy



> Police body cam footage shows an officer trying to handcuff a crying 8-year-old boy reportedly with special needs who attends Gerald Adams Elementary School in Key West.
> 
> The handcuffs are too big for the 3-foot-5, 64-pound boy, but he is taken into custody none the less.
> 
> ...


----------



## Dame (Aug 12, 2020)

AWP said:


> Another felon, another case of the police taking a thug off the street, another case of Florida Man.
> 
> Only FM is the officers.
> 
> Video shows Key West police officers handcuff, arrest 8-year-old boy


Goddammitall.
I need to make some calls.


----------



## AWP (Aug 12, 2020)

Dame said:


> Goddammitall.
> I need to make some calls.



Those usually end poorly for someone else...


----------



## Dame (Aug 14, 2020)

Cops violated rights of 8-year-old arrested at elementary school, lawsuit alleges 
Smart parents.


----------



## compforce (Aug 24, 2020)

Cops: Woman Beat Father Over His Flatulence


----------



## AWP (Aug 24, 2020)

Other states do... Florida things, but make no mistake, FL is the Alpha and Omega. All y'all need to bow down, kiss the ring, and recognize.


----------



## RackMaster (Sep 19, 2020)

This is Facebook but two guys stole a utility pole, strapped it to the roof of their SUV and drove around town. 





__ https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=1630084243732466&id=152264798181092


----------



## racing_kitty (Sep 19, 2020)

RackMaster said:


> This is Facebook but two guys stole a utility pole, strapped it to the roof of their SUV and drove around town.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Meth makes you able to do anything....



Except exercise common fucking sense. Guess the kids in their trailer park needed something new to climb on.


----------



## Diamondback 2/2 (Sep 21, 2020)

That's all methed up man...


----------



## AWP (Sep 23, 2020)

I have what surely must be a great idea!

Nominate a new state song for the wonderous place known as "Florida."


----------



## compforce (Sep 24, 2020)

AWP said:


> I have what surely must be a great idea!
> 
> Nominate a new state song for the wonderous place known as "Florida."



There's only one candidate...


----------



## DasBoot (Sep 25, 2020)

Florida level 3001


----------



## AWP (Oct 6, 2020)

Florida Man and his Florida Truck do Florida things.

Polk suspect's attempt at fleeing comes to a halt after pickup truck partially lands on cruiser







Quote of the day from Polk Country Sheriff's Office:

"Austin's getaway truck was finished, but Austin was not. He got out and ran as a K9 team pursued," the sheriff's office post read." Suddenly, it struck Austin. Not that he was making things worse by fleeing from the popo. What struck him was two prongs from another deputy's Taser that stopped him like....well, like a pickup truck that ran into steel cables."


----------



## Blizzard (Oct 26, 2020)

Could this go in the political thread?  Meh, no...this guy took care of political yard signs in a manner fitting of a Floridian:
Police: Florida man stole bulldozer, ran down Biden signs


----------



## Blizzard (Oct 30, 2020)

I'm not clever enough to come up with a good Tiger King/Carol Baskin reference, so you'll need to do that on your own:
Leopard mauls Florida man who paid for 'full-contact experience' with big cat


----------



## Locksteady (Oct 30, 2020)

Blizzard said:


> I'm not clever enough to come up with a good Tiger King/Carol Baskin reference, so you'll need to do that on your own:
> Leopard mauls Florida man who paid for 'full-contact experience' with big cat


To the leopard's defense, s/he was told to go full contact.


----------



## joshbarl (Nov 8, 2020)

Heh, Florida is a really crazy state. I somehow lived there for a couple of months when I worked at <NOPE> But besides the madness of the locals, there is really beautiful nature and this is a great place for diving. I'm sorry I had to leave.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Nov 8, 2020)

joshbarl said:


> Heh, Florida is a really crazy state. I somehow lived there for a couple of months when I worked at <NOPE>. But besides the madness of the locals, there is really beautiful nature and this is a great place for diving. I'm sorry I had to leave.


Hi welcome to ShadowSpear and thanks for posting a link to your business.

And now...buh-bye.


----------



## BloodStripe (Nov 22, 2020)

Lowe’s employees hacked payroll data and stole paychecks, Florida deputies say

Finally a half way smart Florida person. They got caught so it's only half way.


----------



## AWP (Dec 16, 2020)

Just a nice little roll-up for Florida Man in 2020.

Top 10 Florida Man Stories Of 2020

A couple of these are pretty sick to be honest.


----------



## Blizzard (Dec 16, 2020)

Burglary itself isn't so unusual but the manner of death is fitting enough for a FL story:
Florida burglar climbing into home killed by falling window, sheriff says


----------



## Locksteady (Dec 16, 2020)

Blizzard said:


> Burglary itself isn't so unusual but the manner of death is fitting enough for a FL story:
> Florida burglar climbing into home killed by falling window, sheriff says


Wow.

That's some instant karma meets final destination ish right there.


----------



## BloodStripe (Dec 16, 2020)

Blizzard said:


> Burglary itself isn't so unusual but the manner of death is fitting enough for a FL story:
> Florida burglar climbing into home killed by falling window, sheriff says


As soon as I saw that headline this morning on the local news I said that has to be Florida.


----------



## compforce (Mar 30, 2022)

Because this thread deserves to continue, let's get caught up...


----------



## Marauder06 (Aug 11, 2022)

Naked machete-wielding Florida man tries to rob victim of clothing

Naked machete-wielding Florida man tries to rob victim of clothing

^the headline isn't even the weirdest part of the story​


----------



## AWP (Aug 11, 2022)

I don’t own a machete.


----------



## Marauder06 (Aug 11, 2022)

AWP said:


> I don’t own a machete.


Well I mean not anymore...




> As he began complying, Wright suddenly *hurled the machete at him* — along with a handful of palmetto berries.
> 
> The weapon bounced off of the victim’s chest and he avoided injury, deputies said.
> 
> Still nude, *Wright sprinted off *and hopped into his white Dodge Challenger and fled the scene.



I didn't know  your middle name was "Wright."


----------



## Gunz (Aug 11, 2022)

I put my machete in my pants and lost my palmetto berries.


----------



## DasBoot (Aug 11, 2022)

I immediately assume this is the I-4 corridor

ETA: read the article. Volusia county. Goddam I’m good.


----------



## AWP (Aug 11, 2022)

DasBoot said:


> I immediately assume this is the I-4 corridor
> 
> ETA: read the article. Volusia county. Goddam I’m good.



Volusia and Polk counties are always good for some laughs.


----------



## Gunz (Aug 11, 2022)

Grady Judd, Polk County Sheriff. Best sheriff ever.


----------



## Marauder06 (Aug 29, 2022)

Fayetteville trying to give Florida Man a run for his money:

North Carolina man sentenced to 40 years for running drug trafficking operation out of daycare


----------



## Devildoc (Aug 29, 2022)

Marauder06 said:


> Fayetteville trying to give Florida Man a run for his money:
> 
> North Carolina man sentenced to 40 years for running drug trafficking operation out of daycare



Fayetteville is just North Florida...


----------



## AWP (Aug 29, 2022)

Some MSG at COSCOM had their competition taken off the street.


----------



## RackMaster (Aug 29, 2022)

Florida Man exported to Jonestown, Pennsylvania.

His emotional support animal is an alligator and they sleep in same bed


----------



## AWP (Aug 30, 2022)

RackMaster said:


> Florida Man exported to Jonestown, Pennsylvania.
> 
> His emotional support animal is an alligator and they sleep in same bed


We’ll see this guy in future stories.


----------



## Marauder06 (Sep 6, 2022)

"tail-gatoring"


----------



## AWP (Sep 6, 2022)

What in the chicken-fried fuck is going on there?


----------



## Blizzard (Sep 7, 2022)

AWP said:


> What in the chicken-fried fuck is going on there?


A whole lot of Florida.


----------



## MIkeH92467 (Sep 14, 2022)

Blizzard said:


> A whole lot of Florida.


I could say that's why I left Florida (among other reasons) but then again I moved to Idaho where the Legislature (which is dominated by part of "fiscal responsiblity"_  created a slush fund to pay millions of dollars for private lawyers to fight (and lose) court battles over laws that the state's attorney general warned them wouldn't stand up in court. He was right, but got defeated in the primary by a guy who promised to fight even more of those Quixotic court battles.


----------

