# If the spouse of the Marsoc Marine is also AD how much would that affect family life?



## Egnats27 (Dec 5, 2015)

I am currently serving in the Army as a medic and I plan to reenlist. My fiancé is a Marine and is going to a&s in January. Although I know it's not guaranteed that he will pass or be chosen, but I would still like to be prepared for any situation. All of the posts I see about making marriages work are where the wife is civilian. Obviously with me also being AD it will be a lot different especially being Army. Is there anyone with a situation like this that would know more?


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## The Hate Ape (Dec 5, 2015)

It is not uncommon for a guy to have a harley and an ex-wife (sort of a phrase around here) but the other end of the spectrum is that there are many happy families as well who have had ups and downs, deployments, and lots of time apart. It comes down to the maturity of the couple and what I have found to be most important: communication.

Really, I think you're worried from horror stories. Most are true but they're not your stories - remember that when you think about how much you love your husband.


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## Ranger Psych (Dec 5, 2015)

I think the largest challenge you'd be facing is even less ability to be co-located than you already have as a multi-service family. Beyond that? He'll have unit tempo to deal with. 

SOF of all types is a funky monkey in that you get more "time off" than what you might see in conventional units, yet at the same time you've also got larger commitments and durations that you're gone. After all, it's much easier to spend Friday finalizing your packing list, show up at the asscrack on Monday and be gone until Friday morning and get cut loose early, than to have to schedule transportation, interrupt training, have to handle guard rotations for equipment remaining onsite, bla de blah... and for those not in the barracks, you'd be lucky to see 6 straight hours of rack time. 

This is all obviously with the positive outcome he's looking for... which isn't guaranteed upon anything.  My take? Worry about dual-service life with a SOF member _if he makes it_, right now worry about helping him be squared away for A&S.


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## Ooh-Rah (Dec 5, 2015)

A couple thoughts -

-  You've been in the Army long enough to know the odds of how "this" story often ends...sorry, had to be said.

-  One of my very best friends met her husband in the Corps, they both stayed in and did their "20" and raised two daughters.  An advantage they had is that they had similar MOS's and their respective commands worked with them to make deployments easier on the family.

-  The two of you being in separate services, and him possibly going to Recon, would probably not enjoy such a luxury

-  Bringing children into the game in a strong and stable relationship will still stress the bonds of that marriage for the first few years...I traveled a lot for work, it almost broke us.  At least I could call every night and schedule some of my own time off...likely he will not have that opportunity.

-  Please be sure you are ready to make this dual service commitment before you say "I do".  There are few things worse than being deployed and watching a good friend read an honest to goodness "dear jon" letter - especially after you have listened to day-after-day stories of how much he loves her and his family and can't wait to get home to see them.

Wishing you and your family the best of success - both in careers and in life!


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## Egnats27 (Dec 5, 2015)

Thank you for not adding to the pile of horror stories I keep reading. He's dead set on making special forces he keeps saying if he doesn't get picked for Marsoc he wants to switch over to the Army to try for the Green Berets. Being both Army would help but I'm not sure how accomodating they would be. Just a month ago they sent a close friend with a month old newborn baby to a different duty station than her husband. On a different note is there any way I can help him prepare for A&S? He's leaving for DM school soon so he will be going to this schools pretty close to each other.


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## x SF med (Dec 5, 2015)

I am locking this thread until the original poster follows instructions and posts her Introduction in the proper place.

@Egnats27 - you have 24 hours to comply.  I suggest you re-read the "New Members Begin Here" thread, you are on your way to NCO and are acting like a buck private.
No excuses, you made sure to do a couple of other things right.  But this is a major fail, YOU ARE A NO-GO at this station.


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## AWP (Dec 5, 2015)

Think it through. If he makes it to MARSOC he's going to Lejune or Pendelton. That gives you Bragg and..NTC as your closest Army posts? Maybe something like AP Hill in VA too? Be prepared to spend long periods away from each other.

My old squadron commander was an F-15E backseater and her husband was an EA-6B pilot. They were coming up on 20 years and managed two two-year tours where they were stationed within the same state or a reasonable driving distance. Needless to say, they had no children and an amazing cache of frequent flyer miles.

Can you do it? Sure. Are you willing to spend most of your lives apart?

Good luck.


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## x SF med (Dec 5, 2015)

Reopened, thanks for the Intro.


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