# Don't thank me for my service



## Gunz (Feb 23, 2015)

This is an article about combat vets who don't like it when people come up and thank them for their service.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/please-don’t-thank-me-for-my-service/ar-BBhPFEn?ocid=iehp


This is a sore point with me. First of all, fuck Tim O'Brien. He may be the "unofficial poet-laureate of the Vietnam War", but he ain't my poet-fuckin-laureate. I think his writings contributed to the negative stereotyping of Vietnam veterans.

And anybody who complains about being thanked for their service, even if they doubt its sincerity, needs to spend a couple of decades in an environment where not only are you _not _thanked but in which your service is suspect in the least or at worst, regarded with outright contempt.

All I gotta say is be grateful that somebody appreciates what you've done even if they'll never have a fucking clue about what it's like. Some guys don't know how good they've got it. Nowadays you're an automatic warrior-hero even if you've never pulled a trigger in your life. I know that blanket adoration rankles people who've cut their teeth at the sharp edge, but it's better than the opposite.

Transitioning from combat into civilian life is hard enough in a supportive environment. Extremely difficult in one full of resent.

Thank you for your service.


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## DA SWO (Feb 23, 2015)

Be gracias, thank them for caring and move on, it's not that hard and shouldn't be that traumatic.


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## TLDR20 (Feb 23, 2015)

Maybe it is a generational thing. It always makes me uncomfortable. I did a job I wanted to do, and was compensated well for it.


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## RetPara (Feb 23, 2015)

I think this is a generational thing, at least as it impacts me.  I was in the Marines in the early 70's in California.  In fact it was noted in the local paper and at my retirement ceremony that I had enlisted at a time when serving was not held in the regard it is now.  So I was 'raised' (went in the Marines I was 17) by Vietnam veterans.   We were not well treated in California; but nothing compared to what some of the guys went through in the late 60's.   I made an oath then that I would NEVER tolerated seeing a veteran treated like that.  The older I am; the more serious I take that oath.

The first time I heard 'Thank You For Your Service' was at the gift shop at Rhien Maine on the way back from DS/DS.  My jaw dropped;  TOTALLY not something I expected.   A lot of freebies and good deals got tossed at the troops in the next year or so for serving.  Didn't blink an eye accepting free admission to Busch Gardens.

Since 9/11 though, especially around Ann Arbor (I wear an Army hat festooned with wings and unit crests) I take a REALLY hard look at the person saying that.   I have found that talk is cheap.  Some people around here say it as a way of mollifying their conscience.


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## Grunt (Feb 23, 2015)

There will always be those that appreciate being thanked and those that are uncomfortable with it. I suspect it will always be that way.

Personally, I am proud of my service, and yet, I often times am uncomfortable with it. Not sure why...I can't put my finger on it. But, regardless of their motives, I simply say "Thank you" or "You're welcome" and go about my business.

I believe there are those that are sincere and there are those that are simply hopping on the "bandwagon" of thankfulness.

Either-or, I simply move forward and don't spend too much time worrying about it.


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## Gunz (Feb 23, 2015)

The first time I remember getting a positive word was a "welcome home" from a civilian in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant, circa 1991, when everybody was flushed with pride from the Gulf War. Twenty years post VN. I didn't know what to say. I thought the guy must've been from Jupiter. I stammered my thanks and walked off scratching my head.

I think a guy recently out of combat is going to feel alone in any crowd of civilians, whether they're supportive or indifferent. I know I did. The only people you can ever really connect with on the exact same level are your brothers, a feeling that lasts a lifetime. But if some civilian non-hack wants to thank you for your service, it's better than hate.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 23, 2015)

I appreciate when someone makes a point to say something after they see my USMC ball-cap.  On the other hand, I do not at all like the pro-sport bits where they do the televised national "thank you" and parade out a bunch of vets.  Call me jaded, but I do not find it at all sincere - Obviously I'll take it over what the Vietnam era guys went through, but I don't like the idea of being part of some producer's 'must have' checklist.


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## BloodStripe (Feb 23, 2015)

This goes right up there with a yellow magnet slapped on a car saying "I support the troops".


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## pardus (Feb 24, 2015)

As a veteran, It normally makes me feel uncomfortable. Though I do tremendously appreciate the sentiment. I'm so grateful we aren't being spat upon like our brothers from the Vietnam war were. I would be in jail now if that was the case.
The scene in American Sniper where the other vet is thanking Kyle in the tire shop was very awkward, and made me wince just watching it.


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## pardus (Feb 24, 2015)

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/22/s...nt-thank-me-for-my-service.html?smid=fb-share


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## Gunz (Feb 24, 2015)

pardus said:


> As a veteran, It normally makes me feel uncomfortable. Though I do tremendously appreciate the sentiment. I'm so grateful we aren't being spat upon like our brothers from the Vietnam war were. I would be in jail now if that was the case.
> The scene in American Sniper where the other vet is thanking Kyle in the tire shop was very awkward, and made me wince just watching it.


 

So what you guys are saying is, too much of any good thing is a bad thing.

Nobody ever spit on me. At JFK airport, standing around with some other Marines in uniform, I remember people looking at us like we were dirt. It wasn't just a few incidents, it was an all-encompassing atmosphere that pervaded social settings, schools, places of business, a lot of people sympathized with our enemy, college kids were waving NVA flags, posters of Ho Chi Minh; some people wouldn't hire you if they found out you'd been to Vietnam.  And it didn't _end. _We were shunned, figuratively and literally, for twenty years. William Calley, goddam him to hell, branded us with his blood-stained hands, and the media and Hollywood and assholes like John Kerry and Ron Kovic did everything they could to perpetuate the myths that nothing we had done was worthy of honor, that we were losers, killers, rapists, war-mongers, and that we were to blame for the war.

In 1989 I went for a job interview. Everything was going great until I told the guy I'd served in Vietnam. He asked what branch I was in, and I told him. (Marines were particularly evil). "Oh," he said, "Were you drafted?" See, that would've have been okay, I would've been forced against my will by the evil government to go participate in the genocide. By this time I was smelling a rat...I said, "No, sir, I enlisted. I wanted to be a Marine since I was 8 years old." Right then a fuckin wall came down between him and me, it was palpable. I'll never forget it, it was astonishing how instantly his demeanor toward me went from cordial and pleasant to cold and distant. And thank you for coming in, interview over.

So now, thanks to the Gulf War and 9/11 and the GWOT and UBL and fanatical Muslim terrorists and Call of Duty, Modern Warfare, the pendulum has swung the other way, and like most pendulums, maybe it's swung too far, the respect and adoration for anybody in a uniform has reached critical overdose levels, now you're getting thanked and slapped on the back by any and every swinging dick who's motives are self-serving, awash with guilt or completely insincere and meaningless and its uncomfortable. 

The only people who's respect I ever valued was the respect of the men I served with. But if a fellow American had ever offered to buy me a drink when I was in uniform, I wouldn't have turned it down. Maybe before too long that pendulum is going to swing back the other way.


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## CQB (Feb 24, 2015)

Apropo the above, the term "hero" gets bandied around too much, it's a bete noir of mine. Thanks for you service/contribution etc.  you're a hero. So the person who is the recipient of the accolade rejects the notion by way of falling into the box of being a shy, reluctant recipient of a compliment, somewhat embarrased and rejects the notion politely.  Real heroes as we know are reluctant, self effacing, so by the definition of rejecting the title _they are heroes_ by default. What if the person in question said," Hell yeah! That's me." By default they would not be heroes and true to the interpretation but in doing so they would become egotistical monsters and baby killers. I see it more and more here as we creep slowly towards the Gallipoli Centennary in April. I hope I've outlined this thought enough to make sense as it's been a hard one to quantify.


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## DA SWO (Feb 24, 2015)

Ocoka One said:


> The first time I remember getting a positive word was a "welcome home" from a civilian in the parking lot of a Mexican restaurant, circa 1991, when everybody was flushed with pride from the Gulf War. Twenty years post VN. I didn't know what to say. I thought the guy must've been from Jupiter. I stammered my thanks and walked off scratching my head.
> 
> I think a guy recently out of combat is going to feel alone in any crowd of civilians, whether they're supportive or indifferent. I know I did. The only people you can ever really connect with on the exact same level are your brothers, a feeling that lasts a lifetime. But if some civilian non-hack wants to thank you for your service, it's better than hate.


LOL.

Came home from Kosovo in Aug 2003.
Cab is in front of my apartment and I am chucking A-bags out left and right, guy comes out of the next bldg and asks if I just got back.
Me:"Yep, just getting home"
Clueless Person: "Where were you?"
Me: "Kosovo"
CP: "Uh, oh, ah, er, welcome home!"
It was very evident he had no idea where Kosovo was, didn't know we were still there and was caught up in the "I must thank the military craze".
But that's ok, I thanked him and went on my way.


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## pardus (Feb 24, 2015)

Ocoka One said:


> *So what you guys are saying is, too much of any good thing is a bad thing.*



That wasn't my meaning, it's a personal thing for me, unless I'm drunk, standing on the bar taking my pants off, I generally like to blend in and not be noticed. 
It's not easy for me to properly articulate this.

I have a friend who is an amputee as the result of an IED, I've been to hospital several times to help and support him over the period of a couple of years, the most recent visit I saw a guy who had lost both arms and both legs. You want to talk humbling, go the the physical therapy gym at Walter Reed hospital. 
When someone thanks me it often embarrasses me in light of what other veterans have done and are doing. 
The quick "thanks for your service" is cool. The "you're a hero" is not _to me_. When I hear people say anyone in uniform is a hero, it makes me want to grind broken glass into my eyes.

@CQB  states it pretty well.


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## Grunt (Feb 24, 2015)

pardus said:


> When someone thanks me it often embarrasses me in light of what other veterans have done and are doing...



Very well said my brother, well said indeed! 

Pretty much sums up what I was trying to say.


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## Gunz (Feb 25, 2015)

pardus said:


> It's not easy for me to properly articulate this.
> 
> I have a friend who is an amputee as the result of an IED, I've been to hospital several times to help and support him over the period of a couple of years, the most recent visit I saw a guy who had lost both arms and both legs. You want to talk humbling, go the the physical therapy gym at Walter Reed hospital.
> When someone thanks me it often embarrasses me in light of what other veterans have done and are doing.
> ...


 

Bro, I think you articulated very well. I want to properly articulate too that I well understand the humbling aspects, I've help carry wounded brothers to medevacs, spent my time in physical therapy, and saw a teammate and dear friend spend 4o years in a wheelchair after getting shot in the back by a VC sniper in 71. I've been in and out of VA hospitals for years and get a lump in my throat every time I see a young man with hideous wounds, lost limbs, blinded, burned...I've seen the faces of parents who's beloved sons have been returned to them mutilated. I understand fully why any outward display of adoration would embarrass you and me and the rest of us who were more fortunate.

And it also makes me cringe the way the word "hero" is thrown around to the point where it means nothing anymore.

So, in other words, I get it. But with regard to the article in the original post, I just don't see the overdose of gratitude as something significant enough to get all wigged out about. Take it or leave it for what it is, but most people I think _are _sincerely appreciative of those who serve.


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## Loki (Mar 15, 2015)

As a boy in the mid 70s I was in the a couple of military type organizations (Sea Cadets and Military school) later I went to "Devil Pups".  During this time and wearing those uniforms my experiences were all bad. People disliked us and made it clearly known for our association with the military during that time. I later joined the Marines at 17 delayed entry and went to boot camp at 17 1/2 in the late 70s.  Still the public opinion persisted in a extremely negative way. All my uncles and many family members seved in WW2, Korea and Vietnam felt slighted and had little to no use for the public in general and non-veterans.  I have served from from 1978 until 2011 in several services.  I think it's great the appreciation the public has now in general and the postive feelings expressed for our veterans.  Not to mention the improved VA benefits, college opportunties, and other benefits guys have told me that exist. Little to no first hand experience collecting any of them on my part. My nephews, my brother & numerous family members have served.  My nephew lost part of his leg to an IED in A-stan two years ago, he has been treated excellent and his benefits are excellent.  My son is now at Benning going through boot camp and on his way to the Infantry.  I will be at his graduation to give him my old blue cord.  I have friends in many foriegn nations who are serving and served in their militaries. British, Finnish, French, Norwiegn, Sweden and a couple of others. Theirs is a much more negative and different exeprience, in an extremely negative way. Be thankful for what you have and the public sentiment here.          

I'm not thrilled with slimy civlians and the public in general or non-veterans, but I think it's great that many give thanks to our veterans and the benefitsthat are being given to the guys that need them. It's better than the alternative.        

Respectfully


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## racing_kitty (Mar 15, 2015)

I don't remember when I was thanked for my service for the first time, but I do remember thinking to myself "wow, people really do this?  That's kinda neat."  The novelty did wear off quite quickly, though, and for ages my response was a sheepish half-smile, ducking of the head, and a general response having something to do with just doing a job I love, etc. etc.  

Now, whenever someone thanks me for my service I make it a point to smile, nod, and say "Well, thank you for all the support.  I really appreciate it."  It's definitely not insincere, but for those people out there for whom thanking a former or current service member is merely an empty, self-serving reflex, it makes some of them fret about whether their support is that blatantly vacuous (the resultant hemming and hawing can be quite funny).  For the ones who are truly sincere in their gratitude for my service, the smiles on their faces go from ear to ear, and the rest of that social encounter goes quite smoothly after that.

For me, that's been the best way to handle it with an absolute minimum of discomfort and maintaining humility.


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## Red Flag 1 (Mar 15, 2015)

It is nice to hear,"Thank you for your service". About the only times it comes up, is using my Military ID for discounts. People at Lowes, Advance Auto, Home Depot, etc., etc. are pretty good about that. A simple," your welcome, and thank you" is what I am comfortable with. Having been in since Viet Nam, the recognition was a bit of a surprise the first few times; and a far cry from the 70s, and the Cold War years.


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## Loki (Mar 15, 2015)

There's one thing that continues to bother me now that's vogue; the same who spit on vets in the 60s and 70s now joined the band wagon. They praise the WW2 vets and in public holding them above all others, like a seperate class of Vets. It seems Korean Vets are still forgotten generally. When I was growing up my family members that were WW2 vets were not held in high esteem by any of these commie pukes. I still hold a lot of annomisty toward these hippy bastards (college professors, academia, low life commies dope smoking traitors). Now all the sudden they are all about WW2 Vets.  In general I'm very pleased our younger Vets hear this with regularity.

One more thing; this has the most value and meaning when a brother vet says "thanks for your service, what you did for our country" and shakes your hand. This when I apperciate it the most. 

That is all!
Respectfully


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