# Admitting rules



## Tendercare Doc (Apr 17, 2009)

1. Security is not my bitch
2. Nor is housekeeping
3. Or the valets
4. Not allowed to hit patients
5. Even if they hit me first
6. Not allowed to yell at patients
7. Even if they are being belligerent
8. Not allowed to make fun of patients
9. He is not “Messily Drunk” he is “Intoxicated”
10. He is not “Crazy” he is a “Psych Patient”
11. I cannot take holiday pay for every full moon I work
12. I am not a goddess
13. Advising a patient that the wait is two hours is ok; telling them to go home and take some Motrin is not
14. The fish in the fish tank don’t like Tootsie Rolls
15. I cannot suggest to patients that losing 100 pounds might be beneficial to their health
16. We are obligated to provide care to anyone who comes in, even if it’s dental pain
17. Medicaid patients are not freeloaders and I should stop insinuating that they are
18. The Sabbats are not federal holidays
19. Not allowed to argue with Catholics
20. Even if they started it
21. Not allowed to bet on patient’s diagnoses before they see the doctor
22. Not allowed to refer to patients as “Frequent Fliers” even if they are here every week
23. Not allowed to scare patients with all the things that MIGHT be wrong with them
24. Not allowed to tell patients about all the cool injuries I’ve seen
25. Not allowed to scare new employees with stories about all the cool injuries I’ve seen
26. In fact if the story starts with “I saw the coolest/grosses thing…” I should probably keep it to myself
27. The box of free stuff in the back office is for patients with grievances, not for me
28. Not allowed to puke in front of patients
29. Even if I am pregnant
30. Even if I’m pregnant and they smell like ass
31. Not allowed to ask a patient to see their injury
32. Even if a patients is jabbering away at me in Somali, I still have to smile and try to understand them, I cannot cut them off and ask them if they brought a friend who speaks English
33. I should warn visitors that the automatic doors swing out, not laugh when I hit the button and they get smacked in the face
34. Radiology techs don’t glow in the dark and I shouldn’t test that
35. “I don’t know” is not a proper response to any question posed by a patient
36. Or a staff member
37. In fact, I am assumed to be the receptacle of all knowledge relating to the hospital
38. When administration asks how I am this morning, they don’t actually want to know so I am always “Fine”
39. Not allowed to take bets on how many different drugs will be found in a patient’s system
40. Cracking jokes about “The crazy in room 4″ is generally frowned up, especially if said crazy’s family happens to be within ear-shot


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## HoosierAnnie (Apr 17, 2009)

AMEN Sister


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## 8'Duece (Apr 18, 2009)

Try to get blood drawn a frequent IV drug user is still a bitch and I can't tell them to see the 8th floor for an inpatient rehab program.

I also have lie to frequent migrain suffers who insist on narco therapy that I'm not testing for a tox screen. :uhh:


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## Tendercare Doc (Apr 18, 2009)

bump


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## Tendercare Doc (Apr 18, 2009)

82ndtrooper said:


> Try to get blood drawn a frequent IV drug user is still a bitch :uhh:



just ask said IV user where their good veins are.  Trust me, they know


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## 8'Duece (Apr 18, 2009)

Tendercare Doc said:


> just ask said IV user where their good veins are.  Trust me, they know



Yeah, and it's usually their penis. :doh:


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## 0699 (Apr 18, 2009)

Along this vein, see the linked thread from Studentdoctor.net.  Funny stuff...

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985&highlight=things+i+learned+from+my+patients


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## AWP (Apr 18, 2009)

Tendercare Doc said:


> bump



You bumped a thread that you started....and it was less than 24 hours old?

:uhh:


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## Tendercare Doc (Apr 18, 2009)

still learning how to use this stuff


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## 8'Duece (Apr 18, 2009)

0699 said:


> Along this vein, see the linked thread from Studentdoctor.net.  Funny stuff...
> 
> http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985&highlight=things+i+learned+from+my+patients




That thread is hilarious !!!!  A must read for just about everyone. :doh:


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## TLDR20 (Apr 18, 2009)

82ndtrooper said:


> That thread is hilarious !!!!  A must read for just about everyone. :doh:



I think I had that same Patient while on a certain rotation, dude ate a bunch of coke when the cops tried to get him. Then told the cops he ate it, came in in handcuffs. lol Idiots!


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## Muppet (Apr 19, 2009)

Priceless Doc. I like it. Gotta love the "special people and the types of issues they have".

F.M.


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## American-n-NZ (Apr 19, 2009)

What if the Radiology tech is really cute and I am just concerned about her health?

When I did my rotation in the ER, for my WEMT, I of course got weekends when I think almost everyone is drunk, and it's really hard not to laugh! "So you and your friends thought it was a good idea to race shopping carts down the steapest hill in town?"

Good luck following those rules!


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## DoctorDoom (May 12, 2009)

I just broke this out today on a really clueless pharmacist who gave me attitude while I was scrubbed:

"Am I fucking speaking Chinese to myself again?  DO WHAT I WROTE IN MY ORDERS AND JUST VERBALLY REPEATED TO YOU."


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## Muppet (May 12, 2009)

DoctorDoom said:


> I just broke this out today on a really clueless pharmacist who gave me attitude while I was scrubbed:
> 
> "Am I fucking speaking Chinese to myself again?  DO WHAT I WROTE IN MY ORDERS AND JUST VERBALLY REPEATED TO YOU."




Sweet. A doc that knows what he wants. I love it.

F.M.:)


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## amlove21 (May 12, 2009)

so priceless. Here is an actual quote from my absolute favorite ER nurse in Philly, discussing the request of a "frequent flyer" pt that insisted she was allergic to EVERY pain med except for dilaudid:

"Really? Well, roberta (not her real name), its AMAZING that you know that! Would you like some?"
*Roberta*- "YES! but dont you lie to me like that last bitch and try the normal salt water shit!" (she was referring TO THE SAME NURSE, who had fooled her with a saline flush last time she was too drugged out to talk)
*ER NURSE*- "If you dont get the hell out of here I will personally insure that you NEED that dilaudid in about 3 minutes."

That chick was the best ever.


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## Muppet (May 12, 2009)

So the nurse was a female. Did you meet Mike Johnson while you were there. I work with him and went to Medic school with him. Did you also see a trauma tech namded Lou S? What was the nurses name? The "cliental" down there are priceless in themselves. Gotta love North Phillly.

F.M.


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## 0699 (May 13, 2009)

American-n-NZ said:


> What if the Radiology tech is really cute and I am just concerned about her health?
> 
> When I did my rotation in the ER, for my WEMT, I of course got weekends when I think almost everyone is drunk, and it's really hard not to laugh! *"So you and your friends thought it was a good idea to race shopping carts down the steapest hill in town?"*
> 
> Good luck following those rules!



Is that not a good idea?? :confused:


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## QC (May 13, 2009)

0699 said:


> Along this vein, see the linked thread from Studentdoctor.net.  Funny stuff...
> 
> http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985&highlight=things+i+learned+from+my+patients



Thats gold and I only read the first page!  :)


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## Pyne (May 13, 2009)

Firemedic said:


> So the nurse was a female. Did you meet Mike Johnson while you were there. I work with him and went to Medic school with him. Did you also see a trauma tech namded Lou S? What was the nurses name? The "cliental" down there are priceless in themselves. Gotta love North Phillly.
> 
> F.M.



Anywhere in Philly sucks. My last ER visit was a 12 hour wait. People were ordering Chinese food and having it delivered to the waiting room. 

We need more urgent care centers in this city. They are all, as you can guess, in North Philly.  I felt especialy bad for an elderly woman who had a broken bone and had been sitting there for 5 hours.


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## 0699 (May 13, 2009)

Queens Cadet said:


> Thats gold and I only read the first page!  :)



Been working my way through it a page or two at a time.  Seems to be growing faster than I can read it...


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## Muppet (May 15, 2009)

Pyne said:


> Anywhere in Philly sucks. My last ER visit was a 12 hour wait. People were ordering Chinese food and having it delivered to the waiting room.
> 
> We need more urgent care centers in this city. They are all, as you can guess, in North Philly.  I felt especialy bad for an elderly woman who had a broken bone and had been sitting there for 5 hours.




I feel your pain. I get called by the public when they are pissed off and want to go to a different E.D.

F.M.


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## QC (May 15, 2009)

Man, I should have done medicine, this is such a hoot.


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## Muppet (May 15, 2009)

Queens Cadet said:


> Man, I should have done medicine, this is such a hoot.




I love medicine. I have loved it since I got my start in the Army. With that being said. It sucks. People think that the E.D.'s are their primary M.D.'s and abuse 911 for a taxi ride only some poor soul needs an ambulance and has to wait an extra 10 minutes bacause some suckhole that is not educated on the 911 system called for menstral pains. Other that that, I love it. :confused:

F.M.


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## sierraleems (May 16, 2009)

Ahh... philly ER's and Chinese food! You knew the wait was good when you'd order Chinese food and the delivery guy would drop off food in the ER waiting room before making his way into the actual ER to deliver my food!


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## Muppet (May 17, 2009)

sierraleems said:


> Ahh... philly ER's and Chinese food! You knew the wait was good when you'd order Chinese food and the delivery guy would drop off food in the ER waiting room before making his way into the actual ER to deliver my food!







There was a Chinese joint across from Temple (where I did my E.D.) time on Germantown and Ontario. Really good Gen. Tso's and cheesesteaks. Lots of bullet holes also. Good place. 5 stars in most eyes I think. They stayed open until 05:00 also which makes good for the late night after watching the strippers leave Broad Street Eddies down the block.

F.M.


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