# PTSD Survivors : Coping with PTSD



## metalmom (Feb 2, 2010)

I have coped,sometimes not so successfully, with PTSD for 15 yrs.
For me, at certain times, it has been fairly debilitating. Although I dont get as many flashbacks as I used to, I have night terrors 5-6 nights out of 7,unless I self med with a few beer.
Tried the meds-tossed them. Tried the REM therapy-unfortunately with no success. Tried a highly reputable psychologist, who has a lot of knowledge on Vietnam Vets and some of the treatments they had been receiving-but as yet, nothing is helping.
My family works hard at being supportive,but they really dont understand it-and I guess its impossible for them to.
I'm wondering what works for you in dealing with flashbacks, nightmares, and the sometimes extreme anxiety that can accompany PTSD?


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## RackMaster (Mar 13, 2010)

I'm going on 11 years now coping.  Self medicated with booze for years but that just made it worse.  I'm now on meds, they help but I still have to work on every thing else daily.  I have night terrors and the sweats that come with them nightly; even with a drink or the meds, they don't go away.  I tried a med for a while that helped with them but it just added to my problems of memory loss.  The best thing that can help is getting the right support and understanding around you.  Then work on each thing one at a time.  I go to support groups ever two weeks, talking to people that are going through similar situations can help.  I've learned different breathing, meditation and self-hypnosis techniques to help with the anxiety and rage.  It doesn't always work but it's calmed me down quite a bit.  There will always be trying moments but you have to work through them.  If you need to rant about it, feel free to send me a pm. ;)


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## RackMaster (Mar 13, 2010)

Do you know of and have you contacted any one from OSISS (Operational Stress Injury  Social Support Program)?  I've been with them for quite some time  and it helps.  They do one-on-one support (in person or by phone/email,  which ever way you are comfortable), organized support groups and  unorganized coffee groups.  Here is the contact info for the people in  your area; both Patrick and Eric have been diagnosed with an OSI and  live with it daily.  There is also a component of the program available  for family members if they wish, the info is on the website linked above  or whomever you contact in the program can do a referral.  

*Patrick Sudrau*
Patrick.Sudrau@osiss.ca
            613.736.0278
*
Éric Collin*
Eric.Collin@osiss.ca
            613-736-0278


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## metalmom (Mar 22, 2010)

Thanks for that info. I have been over at OSISS's site. Had previously never knew about it. Thanks for the contact info in my area.
The past few days I have been researching a ton. I didnt know that my panic attacks could coincide with the PTSD. It was good to read that. I get those babies pretty severely at times-makes avoidance of certain areas a must.
I havent had memory issues-in fact-quite the opposite. Would be nice to have a breather and 'forget' once in awhile.
Thanks again!


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## RackMaster (Mar 23, 2010)

You're quite welcome.  

;) I'd like to remember now and then.  I have some huge gaps in my memory and my short term memory is shit.  Not remembering why or where you are going can be frustrating. lol


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## metalmom (Mar 23, 2010)

Is your memory loss something that you WILL remember when you are ready to handle it-or something different? I had a rough night last night -would give anything to have an 8 hr sleep. Having PTSD can be incredibly draining as I'm sure you well know. 
Have you experienced panic attacks in crowds????


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## metalmom (Mar 24, 2010)

Just saw this today-same group in the article you told me about.  Incredible to see older vets reaching out for help now-they must have endured a lot without help and support for many, many yrs.

http://www.cmaj.ca/earlyreleases/16mar10-veterans-stepping-forward-for-treatment.dtl


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## metalmom (Mar 28, 2010)

Welcome Pistol and FireSpitter!  Glad to have you onboard!
Feel free to PM me anytime.
Kim


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## RackMaster (Apr 14, 2010)

As far as the Doc's say, both they and I don't know if I'll regain the lost memories.  I have some that are trauma related, some medication induced and well I have permanent brain damage from a mTBI.  Been electrocuted, smashed my head quite a few times and been around a few explosions in my time; so who knows what caused it.  My neurologist said that over time as I retrain myself to do things (mostly vocabulary and math skills), the nerves in my melon will rework themselves and it may trigger lost memories.  It's hard to say.


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## RackMaster (Apr 14, 2010)

Ahhh panic attacks... lol  Yup I've had them but not in a while.  I've  had to learn to read my body and react to the physical symptoms of my  anxiety to prevent the panic attacks.  I've come close to having them  again but it's usually when I'm exhausted.  Personally I get tightness  in sternum when it all starts going down hill, freaked me out the first  few times I noticed it; thought I was having a heart attack.  But if I  don't start doing proper breathing and relaxation techniques (which can  be done in public with out any one noticing), then my whole body goes  tense; then there is no prevention at that point.  If I reach the panic  stage, if I'm triggered; I can black out and that's not good.  I've done  it in the grocery store and almost choked out some dude reaching into  the cooler beside me.

There are a lot of older vets coming forward now, I know of a lot of  Korea and WWII guys seeking help now.


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## metalmom (Apr 14, 2010)

Wow! You've been thru the wringer. I think that if you have memory loss due to trauma, that its sort of a way of protecting one's self and usually will return gently when you are ready. Here's hoping!
Exhaustion, caffeine and having too much to drink the night before leave me more susceptible to having one I've found. Same symptoms for me-but I have a helluva time getting my breathing under control. I'm just starting to rtn to the world now, and without meds. I had one of my 1st outings a few wks back. Made it to the grocery store a few minutes away and had a full blown panic attack in the frozen food section. Talked myself down eventually-my fear of fainting and looking stupid got me home-but it sucked. Trying again tomorrow. 
Glad to hear you have some control over them now with breathing and relaxation techniques. Thats HUGE!!


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## Swamp Honky (Apr 23, 2010)

Glad to see this group here. I had some trouble, when I separated from active duty and redeployed from Iraq within 2 months from each other. I initially went to the VA, and I barely spat out a paragraph about what I was experiencing and they were already trying to shove meds down my throat, which I promptly refused. This is the first time I have ever joined any group like this. But, I saw it and thought it was awesome that you guys are on here talking about it. I was in the 101st Airborne which has the highest suicide rate out of any other unit. I have had friends that got out of the army and on the outside they seemed to be doing great... finished college degrees, family, etc.. next thing you know they are gone.


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## metalmom (Apr 23, 2010)

We are so glad to have you here SH. Yeah-I did meds for 5 yrs-way back-and it just numbed me. I chose beer-lol Each to their own though. I didnt know how high the suicide rate was for the 101st. We have lost 165 just this yr to suicide-I am not sure who they were with(our Airbourne was disbanded), but I heard through the grapevine a few from JTF2 committed suicide.
I am astounded on the suicide rate, homeless rates etc both in the US and Canada-things need to change in how people are being looked after. That is a given. 
I realize it is extremely tough to speak about how we feel and what we have gone or are going through-but I want this to be our safe haven.  Feel free to pm me if you arent ready to talk here. Hell-I want to talk-but sometimes its hard to put things into words. And our feelings can be so damn overwhelming. You're not alone.
Glad to have ya!:)


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## Swamp Honky (Apr 26, 2010)

Have any of you all read any of Tim O'Brian's works, namely "The Things They Carried?" I would say his writing was the number one thing that helped me. His writings are more circa Vietnam era, but PTSD is PTSD. If you have never read his works, I recommend at least googling and reading some excerpts and quotes.


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## metalmom (Apr 26, 2010)

No, I havent read any of his works-but definitely will. Its kind of funny-probably between 1982 and 1992 I read and devoured anything I could on Vietnam. I wanted for a long time to eventually work with Vietnam Vets that had PTSD-I am in Canada and was unaware at the time that some Canucks served there-so called a VA Hospital and asked a ton of questions about how hard it would be to go work down there , and decided to apply for nursing. Met my husband and never followed it through-then I ended up being diagnosed with it myself. 
Look forward to doing some reading! Thanks for the info!


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## metalmom (Apr 27, 2010)

Just a heads up-have a crap load of issues to deal with atm. Taking a small break from all the forums I frequent, but will still check my email. Anyone needs to talk-here is my email.
kcorbett@live.ca
Will be back soon. You guys take care in the meantime.


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## metalmom (May 2, 2010)

Well-the addictive personality has to check in once in awhile:)   
Gdam-got a message from  a 1 CDO  friend on facebook-said we only have 4 beds  for soldiers available in Canada-thats St Annes-right?? Before I reposted I wanted to ask you for verification if you knew. If so-that is dispicable!!!
Let me know-this is a bandwagon I would be happy to jump on to see change!!!


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## Swamp Honky (May 4, 2010)

Coming forward... 
I decided to seek help after I hit a low point and see a VA counselor. I only saw a counselor a couple times before he retired, but it helped a lot. A year later I joined the reserves while in college. They hit me a year after that with a medical board facing possible discharge. So far this med board has had me flagged since Dec. and is delaying my Army career (schools, etc.). I have plans to work for the govt/mil after graduation. I was scared to seek help because of repercussions. If I could take it back, I would have kept my mouth shut. Now I am just scrambling to not get labeled as a head case and keep my job. It has definitely deterred me from seeking help in the future. My PTSD is manageable, the type I struggle with certain things, but learned to adapt on my own. Its just frustrating knowing that I am on my own, or I risk further career repercussions.


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## RackMaster (May 4, 2010)

metalmom,  I think that the beds available sound about right but there are more than that; they are just filled at the moment.  There are other places to get in-patient treatment all over the country, all private but VA has a contract with them for beds but most have wait lists of a couple months.  If you or any one else is interested, just contact your VA area counsellor and they can start the process.  I tried to do it without meds but that's when the devil inside that I have a hard time controlling comes out.  I figure I take so many other meds for pain that what's wrong with taking another one to keep me stable.  But even then it's taken a lot of trial/error with different meds/dosage and I still have to work at it.  It's a lifelong battle.


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## RackMaster (May 4, 2010)

Keeping tabs on stressors both good and bad, knowing your limits on  activities, keeping a healthy diet (including reducing caffeine) and as  healthy of a sleep routine as you can get goes a long way.  We can get  drained a lot quicker, our brains work overtime even if we're having  fun; just to keep things "normal" and that drains our energy.  I can  have a great but busy day and then go out with friends or family, no  symptoms showing up and then I wake up the next day feeling hung over.   It only lasts a few hours to a day now but before it would keep me layed  up for days.  It's all in learning your limits.


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## RackMaster (May 4, 2010)

Swamp Honkey,  I understand why you would wait to seek help; it took me a  long time to do it myself and for the same reason.  I ended up seeking  help when the backlash/symptoms started hitting home and when my career  was done anyway because of physical injuries.  It's a bit different up  here now, there is a lot of effort being done to get soldiers healthy  and get them back serving in uniform or if they can't wear the uniform;  find them a job out of it.  But to keep them in the fold.  I've heard  that there is similar things in the works down there but I'm not sure  how far along they are but I think it's mostly Active Duty.  I'm not  sure how it works in the reserves down there.  If you hit up some of the  active medical guys on the board, they might be able to give you a  straight answer and point you in the right direction to get help while  keeping your job.


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## Swamp Honky (May 4, 2010)

Yeah, I made a promise to myself, if my symptoms start to go south again I would seek help. The more I learn about myself and my symptoms, the more I understand it is about adjusting and living with them. I stopped having really bad problems once I realized I couldn't go back to being the same 19 year old I was before I joined the Army. This was difficult because I was surrounded by college kids. I was/am a damn good soldier. I got out to get my degree and that's when everything hit me. The trickiest part so far is determining what symptoms are from PTSD and which ones are from Minor TBI. I am actually trying the private sector route. It can take up to 6 months between appointments to get seen by the VA around here. My civilian doc suggested I get another opinion and referred me to a neuropsych.


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## metalmom (May 6, 2010)

SW-glad you are strong enough to know when to seek out help. I hear ya on not being able to return to the same person you used to be. I believe that was a huge part of my inner rage at one point.

Gdam or SW-Do you believe PTSD is a life sentence?? Always have been told it is. Saw a 1st responder on Dr Oz yesterday with PTSD, and he believes this isnt a lifetime sentence. Do you think it just depends on the individual, or is he just fooling himself?? I honestly was repeatedly told I will always be like this by med professionals.


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## RackMaster (May 10, 2010)

Swamp Honky -  It sounds like you are well taken care of.   I have a minor TBI as well, a lot of the symptoms are the same as PTSD and damage from either can look like one and other.  It's great that you are going to a neuropsych, it helps a lot in understanding your limitations and the extent of the "damage".  When you see them, ask if they can get you a fresh MRI on your head and if not, a neurologist can.  There is a special MRI out there now that can show the nerve paths and where there has been changes or damage.  I had one done but I can't remember what it was called.  

metalmom - Yes I do believe PTSD is life long but I don't believe it is a life sentence and thinking like that will make it harder to move on with your life.  That first responder is just in denial and/or is getting the wrong information from his medical professionals.  It does permanent physical changes to your mind and there is no going back.  Now I believe that the sooner you seek treatment, the sooner you will be able to manage things and the less overall effects there will be.  The person you were prior to the trauma does not exist as a whole anymore, you may have portions of him/her come out but you'll never be the same again.  With that, the sooner a person accepts that; the sooner things will get easier.  I've seen people that have been "stable" for years and then crash unexpectedly.  

What did Dr Oz say about it?  I wish I would have known about that episode.  I would have recorded it.  My wife works in mental health, so she would have enjoyed watching it as well.


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## metalmom (May 10, 2010)

I have to say-I was so intrigued by the man telling his story(he was the 1st responder to a chimp attack that tore off a womans face(literally) and other body parts-it was harsh), that I seriously do not remember what Dr.Oz said-more about what the interviewee said. I will go check around a few places and see if I can find a vid anywhere out there of the show. Yeah-I had no heads up either-just channel surfing and found it. That was hard to watch at a few points.

From my experience-when acceptance finally comes-when we get tired of fighting it-there needs to be a grieving process first-(which for me started with anger, then sadness, etc-guilt sometimes)because when you lose a piece of yourself(physically, mentally, emotionally and/or spiritually)-we need to grieve. That is totally different from feeling sorry for yourself-i just think its an integral part to healing. 

Wow-lifelong and life sentence I always associated to be the same. Really never distinguished between the two. Just got a new awakening.


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## RackMaster (Jul 16, 2010)

Grieving any loss is important but it's not letting that grief drag you down to the point where you can't get up on your own.  You understand what I mean?  From what I've seen and all the people I know that have started down the path of healing; it usually takes the loss of either the risk of or actually losing what ever means the most to you.  We usually get so wrapped up in ourselves, that we don't see what's going on around us until it's to late.  For me it was almost losing my current wife, wrecking my first one was enough.  

Let me explain in a little more detail what I meant about the difference between Life Long and Life Sentence.  

Life Long -  PTSD will never going away, you will always have to live with it but you can learn to manage it, in order to move on with your life.

Life Sentence - Letting the diagnosis of PTSD take over and being the only guest at your very own pity party and not getting the help you need.

I hate to use this example since most of us have addictions problems on top of everything else but admittance is the first step.  It can be a steep set of fucking stairs, you'll trip and fall down a few but eventually there is an end to them.


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