# The U.S.S. Illinois



## racing_kitty (May 28, 2012)

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it looks like the Navy is going to toy around with the notion of an all-female unit as opposed to making all-male units co-ed.  The recently commissioned U.S.S. Illinois will have an all-female crew.  Link to story here.



> WASHINGTON -- First Lady Michelle Obama has officially sponsored the USS Illinois, the first Navy submarine to be staffed by an all-female crew, the White House said Monday.


 
I've long held the belief that females in the infantry can be better managed with an all female unit (recent epiphanies WRT physiological consequences notwithstanding) in stead of co-ed.  While this is by no means the same as 11B, it should prove to be one helluva learning point for all parties involved.  I don't know if this will work out well, but I do wish them the best, and look forward to seeing the end result no matter how it pans out.

Thoughts?


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## RackMaster (May 28, 2012)

I hope it plans on frequent surface resupplies with lots of chocolate...


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## CDG (May 28, 2012)

Lol.  This will be a catastrophe.  With no men to pick up the slack when the chicks don't feel like working, how is anything going to get done?  You can't pull the cramps card now.  Not too mention that the female berthings tended to be FAR dirtier and nastier than any of the male berthings.  Think used hygiene products just thrown back into a rack, or on the floor.  And add to all this the fact that women tended to have far more problems with each other than the men did with each other.  Needless to say, my experiences with 99% of the women I served with were not positive.  You try to not let it bias your thinking too much, but based on what I saw and experienced an all-female crew is a terrible idea.


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## AWP (May 28, 2012)

At least the 160 sailors go out and 80 couples return jokes are still valid though we lose references to "seamen" thanks to this. In to each life a little rain must fall.
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How are they going to staff an entire boat with cooks?
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Can a woman apply eye liner and drive a sub at the same time?
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At least the ocean doesn't have a left lane for them to drive slow in.
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How will they accomplish anything without a man to nag?
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USS Illinois, the only sub to loop Sex and the City and the Twilight series for an entire patrol.
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Will the COB be referred to as the "Den Mother?"
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Maybe they can be the first to break the glass thermocline.
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"Flood the forward tubes!"
"How? Mine are tied."

Sigh, I can do this all day. <3's!


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## SkrewzLoose (May 28, 2012)

Freefalling said:


> ---
> How are they going to staff an entire boat with cooks?
> ---
> 
> Sigh, I can do this all day. <3's!


 
HA!


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## racing_kitty (May 29, 2012)

DAMMIT FREE!!!!!!!!!  Now I've got wine stains on my monitor.  You fucking bastard!  







 Keep'em coming.....


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## racing_kitty (May 29, 2012)

CDG, I'm willing to bet that some of the cat fights on that boat will be hellacious.  The neat freaks will NOT tolerate the used tampons laying around, and the gung-ho females will NOT tolerate the girlie girls.  It's been my experience that a male/co-ed chain of command will actively discourage the issue from coming to a head, while all the other males will make book on the side as to which bitch wins; that is, if they didn't just take up a collection for the gung-ho type to cover her NJP and lost pay if she just laid the other one flat out on her ass (please don't ask me how I know).  

What I see happening is this first float will be a fucking nightmare.  There will be an AAR that most likely won't matter, because the only way this mission would go down as a failure is if the Illinois sinks to the bottom of the sea.  Hopefully, and this is looking through pinot noir-colored glasses, the other branches would take a look at the kind of female that it would take to pull off a unit like this, and make their judgments accordingly.  That includes the judgment that "This shit simply will not work, and now we have empirical proof."  

Personally, I believe that once the Navy has figured out what the "right kind" of female is, they won't be able to scrounge up 160 like-minded estrogen vessels to make it happen.  Talking to a friend in PSYOPS, she says that the FET's are having trouble getting enough women as it is, and that's about as close to combat arms as women can get right now.  So we'll see...


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## TLDR20 (May 29, 2012)

Who would command this boat? Last I checked we do not have a competent group o well trained female sub commanders. I wonder what the average service in the sub corps a Captain would have. 20+ years at least.... This is absurd.


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## AWP (May 29, 2012)

cback0220 said:


> Who would command this boat? Last I checked we do not have a competent group o well trained female sub commanders. I wonder what the average service in the sub corps a Captain would have. 20+ years at least.... This is absurd.


 
Don't bring logic to this emotional fight.


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## racing_kitty (May 29, 2012)

cback0220 said:


> Who would command this boat? Last I checked we do not have a competent group o well trained female sub commanders. I wonder what the average service in the sub corps a Captain would have. 20+ years at least.... This is absurd.


 
Perhaps another incarnation of Horrible Holly Graf?


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## AWP (May 29, 2012)

racing_kitty said:


> Perhaps another incarnation of Horrible Holly Graf?


 
That would be awesome and I wouldn't be surprised to see the CO have some connection her or her sister.


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## SkrewzLoose (May 29, 2012)

How did I miss this earlier...it's going to be a goddamn sub full of WRENS!  
2015...they have 3 years to change their minds.


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## Etype (May 29, 2012)

With no men in the galley, what happens when it's time to open a new jar of mayo?


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## racing_kitty (May 29, 2012)

Let their cycles all sync up, and then turn'em loose.  Couldn't pay me enough to be on that boat that week.


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## Etype (May 30, 2012)

They're going to play the _The Notebook_ in the chow hall and the whole ship is going to be out of commission until they all recover.


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## 0699 (May 30, 2012)

racing_kitty said:


> Let their cycles all sync up, and then turn'em loose. Couldn't pay me enough to be on that boat that week.


 
We need a "Fuck yeah I agree" option.

A minimum of three countries would get nuked that week.  Not necessarily our enemies either...


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## AWP (May 30, 2012)

0699 said:


> We need a "Fuck yeah I agree" option.
> 
> A minimum of three countries would get nuked that week. Not necessarily our enemies either...


 
How do you keep the fire control team on the Illinois busy? Tell them to find the target coordinates for Tattooine, Krypton, and Westeros.


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## Brill (May 30, 2012)

cback0220 said:


> Who would command this boat? Last I checked we do not have a competent group o well trained female sub commanders. I wonder what the average service in the sub corps a Captain would have. 20+ years at least.... This is absurd.


 
Very valid point.  All boat skippers have come up from young LtJg qualified on submarines as logistics (O-2) then engineers (O-3).  At the O-4 level, they either become XOs (SSNs) or Div Offs (SSBNs) so I do wonder how much time under their belts they will have before taking command or even the lower ranking officer levels.  Hell, how will they even staff it the boat with SNCOs?

Mixed crews on SSNs will never work: two people cannot pass by without rubbing bellies.  70 days underway and a chick rubs her lovely lady humps against a sailor?  Game over.  Heads (aka bathrooms) on a boat?  Shit, I think on a 688 (LA class) there are two for non-CPOs and you can only shower every other day.  Laundry?  Weekly I think.

Granted, my experiences are from the early to mid-90's when Etype was in fricken grammar school.  Damn it!


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## 0699 (May 30, 2012)

0699 said:


> We need a "Fuck yeah I agree" option.
> 
> A minimum of three countries would get nuked that week. Not necessarily our enemies either...


 
The more I think about this, there'd probably be some individuals being targeted with missles.

Like the guy who invented the "size zero" jeans.  Almost every woman hates him.  And they have the entire IC available to hunt him down.


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## Chopstick (May 30, 2012)

Etype said:


> With no men in the galley, what happens when it's time to open a new jar of mayo?


You know, this is so true.  I cant.  I have never in my life been the one to open the new mayo.  Maybe they will have those squirty bottle kind of mayo.


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## Etype (May 30, 2012)

Chopstick said:


> You know, this is so true. I cant. I have never in my life been the one to open the new mayo. Maybe they will have those squirty bottle kind of mayo.


Those are good, that's what we use- for ketchup, mustard, relish, everything.  They're good for the kids, so the miniature sailorettes should be able to use them, too.


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## QC (May 31, 2012)

There are certain troopies who deploy from subs...would they
A) Jump at the chance & pack condom and lube
B) Say  "fuck that where's the C-130?"


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