# Valentines Day



## Gunz (Feb 14, 2018)

Another fucking ambush.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

Ambush alright! One year Mrs. "Funky Stuff" and I agreed that it was a BS holiday and were not going to exchange gifts as it was dumb. 

Holly fuck me running the wrath of swirling shit and tears I caught for that mistake. She thought I was kidding and going to suprise her with something.


----------



## Muppet (Feb 14, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> Ambush alright! One year Mrs. "Funky Stuff" and I agreed that it was a BS holiday and were not going to exchange gifts as it was dumb.
> 
> Holly fuck me running the wrath of swirling shit and tears I caught for that mistake. She thought I was kidding and going to suprise her with something.



I just fucking laughed out loud bro. 

M.


----------



## Muppet (Feb 14, 2018)

M.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

No shit she called me the dumbest fucker on earth.

Quote "I gave you a blow job and said Happy Valentine's day! Are you fucking retarded!!"


----------



## Muppet (Feb 14, 2018)

Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 said:


> No shit she called me the dumbest fucker on earth.
> 
> Quote "I gave you a blow job and said Happy Valentine's day! Are you fucking retarded!!"



Sweet fucking 5 pound Jesus, I am cracking up bro.

M.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

Was not a good day my friends, not at all.

Good thing she is a sucker for snowcrab legs so off to Red Lobster we went. Moving forward I was advised that no holiday is aviodable. She's not high maintenance or anything just a girl I guess. This year was a cute card and a box of candy.

She told me after we got back from the gym this morning that I was to get a "blowie" once she got out of the shower but I was in the middle of my pre run bowel movement. So looks like Downtown missed the Misses going downtown.


----------



## racing_kitty (Feb 14, 2018)

I got words for this little shit show...


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Feb 14, 2018)

Mr. President wants to get in on the action!!!


----------



## SaintKP (Feb 14, 2018)

Trying to figure out the quantity of flowers, chocolate, and spa days I would need to be able to use the "I wouldn't deport you" one @Ooh-Rah . I'm thinking more than I can afford, but oh..sweet Jesus it would be worth it.


----------



## Devildoc (Feb 14, 2018)

Today is my son's birthday.  I tell my wife, I gave her the present 13 years ago.  The gift that keeps on giving.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

Happy wife happy life bruh...


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

Ocoka said:


> Fuck.
> 
> @Ooh-Rah gets a gun on V-Day. Did you're wife buy it? Because if she didn't pay for it, it doesn't count as a Valentines gift.
> 
> ...



But I do agree...


----------



## Frank S. (Feb 14, 2018)

Ocoka said:


> And gay.



Seems a little strong. I'd say "faggoty".


----------



## Kraut783 (Feb 14, 2018)

Devildoc said:


> Today is my son's birthday.  I tell my wife, I gave her the present 13 years ago.  The gift that keeps on giving.



LOL...how does that go over?


----------



## Gunz (Feb 14, 2018)




----------



## Ooh-Rah (Feb 14, 2018)

@ShadowSpear - Happy Valentine's Day from Tom Brady!


----------



## digrar (Feb 14, 2018)

That's deflating.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

All funny shit aside my wife is a solid woman. She stuck with me when I decided to go back active duty and the pay cut. She is down with the lifestyle and supports me without question. If a card and some sweets keep her happy and feeling appreciated I can dig that. 

We go back almost 30 years. Little sister to one of my best friends. 

She read this thread and about pissed herself laughing.


----------



## CQB (Feb 14, 2018)

We made dinner, I bought a bottle on Ninth Island champagne, it’s from an island off Australia. FFS.
I bought her a beautiful orchid...naw...💕

Well it was $5.00 reduced from $75 ( I kid you not)! Yep, Ima cheap cunt.

Guess she saw me coming, buys me a faggoty pair of board shorts. No escape now, I have to wear ‘em. Farkin, V Day.


----------



## Downtown “Funky Stuff” Malone🍆 (Feb 14, 2018)

C.U.N.T.= Can't Understand Normal Thinking...


----------



## CQB (Feb 14, 2018)

When it comes to women N. Fucking. O.


----------



## SaintKP (Feb 14, 2018)

CQB said:


> We made dinner, I bought a bottle on Ninth Island champagne, it’s from an island off Australia. FFS.
> I bought her a beautiful orchid...naw...💕
> 
> Well it was $5.00 reduced from $75 ( I kid you not)! Yep, Ima cheap cunt.
> ...




It's ok to be a cheap cunt, instead of a card joking about deportation and expensive ass flowers  I'm going with boxed wine and a drive in movie. It's sad when 38 degrees feels like it's beautiful out, but I got blankets so it'll be nice.


----------



## Frank S. (Feb 14, 2018)

At least you were somewhat entertained.
I went to a music recital from a local performance arts group in a church.






If it wasn't for the carpeting, the acoustics would have been perfect.
If it wasn't for the carpeting being imbued with the remnants of bake sales, potlucks and other shit communities are fond of, I wouldn't have felt as though I was in section 8 housing.
Churches are a pain in my ass. My wife has to open the doors for me, lest a lighting bolt arces through my hand and forearm as I reach for the knockers. Like on Christmas Eve 2002.






Speaking of, old church ladies with absurdly large mammaries playing the flute can be yet another trick of the devil.


----------



## Ooh-Rah (Feb 14, 2018)

Frank S. said:


> At least you were somewhat entertained.
> I went to a music recital from a local performance arts group in a church.



That is a VERY different song if sung by a man....

_I won't be afraid to touch myself
It's all right
I said it's all right
I don't think it's wrong to touch yourself
Ain't nothing wrong with making it feel good
Every night I get away
And I think about it baby
You are on my mind
I ain't afraid to touch myself
I don't need nobody else_


----------



## Frank S. (Feb 14, 2018)

Oh, the things you must have experienced with Bob Costas.

Halfpipe indeed.


----------



## Gunz (Feb 14, 2018)

Hey honey, if you ever read this thread, I was just joking, ha ha ha.


----------



## Dame (Feb 14, 2018)

You all are a bunch of whiny bastards akin to the poor deflated ball-less flower toting idjits Ocoka and I saw today.
Why did I see them? Because I went to the grocery store.
Why did I go to the store? To get my new prescriptions from my doctor's appointment.
Why a doctor's apt today? Because... even though she's a she, and even though I don't do gals, that grope was the best date I'll have all year.
So happy fucking Valentine's day to me. 
Embrace the suck.


You whiny little buggers.


----------



## CQB (Feb 14, 2018)

Luv ya long time!


----------



## AWP (Feb 14, 2018)

@CDG I know your boo @amlove21 isn't here, but on behalf of your bae, I know he misses you and wishes he could be there on this special day. Chin up, no tears, and have a very special Air Force Day!


----------



## amlove21 (Feb 14, 2018)

AWP said:


> @CDG I know your boo @amlove21 isn't here, but on behalf of your bae, I know he misses you and wishes he could be there on this special day. Chin up, no tears, and have a very special Air Force Day!


You’re interrupting our romantic dinner, prick. I’m about 80% sure I’m getting laid tonight!


----------



## DA SWO (Feb 14, 2018)

amlove21 said:


> You’re interrupting our romantic dinner, prick. I’m about 80% sure I’m getting laid tonight!


Right hand or left hand?


----------



## Frank S. (Feb 14, 2018)

I wager left. Feels like a stranger's.


----------



## Devildoc (Feb 15, 2018)

Kraut783 said:


> LOL...how does that go over?



Honestly, it's fine.  We are so busy with our son's birthday activities (party, etc), we are good.  Now when he splits to go to college, the military, whatever he wants to do when he is 18, I suppose then maybe we'll do something to acknowledge Valentine's Day.  But even before him, it never really was a big deal to us.


----------



## CDG (Feb 15, 2018)

AWP said:


> @CDG I know your boo @amlove21 isn't here, but on behalf of your bae, I know he misses you and wishes he could be there on this special day. Chin up, no tears, and have a very special Air Force Day!



It's har......difficult, but these are the sacrifices you make when you're with a full time men's hair model/part time PJ.


----------



## Frank S. (Feb 15, 2018)




----------



## Serenity (Feb 15, 2018)

Since having kids, it’s all about the kids.  Valentines this year:

7 y.o daughter at school pick-up:  Mummy, we didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day at school.  I don’t know what we would do, but I thought we’d do something!  I was disappointed.
Me:  Aww, I suppose it would’ve been nice if you got to colour in a love heart!

Husband at station pick-up:  I didn’t get you anything for Valentines!
Me: Whatever.


----------

