# I learn something everyday



## Gunz (Jan 9, 2017)

When you fart and leave the area suddenly, it's called "crop dusting."

Who needs the Urban Dictionary when you have three 20-something males for offspring. I'm sure glad all that money I shelled out for college educations is reaping benefits. :wall:

They all need to join the Marines.


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## The Accountant (Jan 9, 2017)

Make sure when you go on a cruise you crop dust the elevators. When people who speak languages other then English come in and you can hear them complaining.. you don't know what exactly they're saying but oh, you know what they're talking about.


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## The Accountant (Jan 9, 2017)

Edit: *you walk out when they walk in. 

Those few seconds of dialogue you hear as the doors close it's hilarious.


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## AWP (Jan 9, 2017)

I accidentally did it to a woman in the grocery store yesterday. For the record, Irish coffee and eggs for breakfast makes for a potent combination. It didn't help that she looked like Malin Akerman and smelled like something banned by the Treaty of Versailles. Oh well.


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## Red Flag 1 (Jan 10, 2017)

O


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## Devildoc (Jan 10, 2017)

Ocoka One said:


> When you fart and leave the area suddenly, it's called "crop dusting."
> 
> Who needs the Urban Dictionary when you have three 20-something males for offspring. I'm sure glad all that money I shelled out for college educations is reaping benefits. :wall:
> 
> They all need to join the Marines.



I know what it is, have never, ever, used the term around my kids (but I have used 'dutch oven' :)), but my 12 year-old son uses the term.


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## Muppet (Jan 10, 2017)

Last year, my partner Stacey and I were working. We had a rather sick old lady, septic shock but awake / lethargic, no pressure but she talked. Anyhow. I am on bench seat, getting a line started, Stacey was getting lady on monitor and O2, spiking fluids. I crop dusted. Stacey looked at me and whispered: "dude, she shit herself". I was like, "No Stac, that was me". Pt. looked at me and asked if I needed the ambulance more than her. We all laughed, pt. got fluids and orders for pressors and I dropped a deuce back at the station after the job.

M.


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## SpitfireV (Jan 10, 2017)

Once looked around in a HUGE baggage hall and saw noone. Farted and felt better when, suddenly, DRAMA. "Excuse me could you please tell me blah blah blah." I could see her nose twitching once it hit her. I gave her the quickest reply possible and got the hell out of there. 

I still can't figure out where she was hiding.


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## Gunz (Jan 10, 2017)

Devildoc said:


> I know what it is, have never, ever, used the term around my kids (but I have used 'dutch oven' :)), but my 12 year-old son uses the term.



When the boys were little, they called farts "pumpers" because the word "fart" was frowned upon. They could use certain swear words once in a while (damn, hell, shit) but only if they requested and were granted special permission first.


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## Dame (Jan 10, 2017)

Ocoka One said:


> When you fart and leave the area suddenly, it's called "crop dusting."
> Who needs the Urban Dictionary when you have three 20-something males for offspring. I'm sure glad all that money I shelled out for college educations is reaping benefits. :wall:
> They all need to join the Marines.



Oh man, you and I should talk. I have the same three boys living here.


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## Red Flag 1 (Jan 10, 2017)

[Q


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## Muppet (Jan 10, 2017)

Red Flag 1 said:


> There is a theory that children can understand, and repeat complex words at an early age. I have tested that theory in long-term trials 11 different times. Not once could I get the wee ones to say, "son of a bitch" or "nasal congestion". All 11 did succeed in saying shit, and f#&k, with no formal training at all.
> 
> I do think my Huskey said "son of a bitch" to my wife on several occasions; good dog.



Maria got mad at me a few months ago. I was teaching her 12 year old niece the alternate purple Barney song:

"I love you, you love me, lets get together and kill Barney, with a knife to the throat and a bullet to the head, look everybody, Barneys dead".

Little did I know her 5 year old niece was listening from the other room and she repeated it that night at her home, in front of her mom and dad. Maria got the call the next morning, her sister asking where she heard it. Maria blamed it on the 5 year old male cousins. I heard shit all week. That is what a Tio (Spanish for uncle) is for!

M.


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## Gunz (Jan 11, 2017)

My kids can instantly translate all of @AWP 's deviant sexual references.


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## Devildoc (Jan 11, 2017)

My 13 year-old son uses the words "suck" and "blow" far for much for my liking and I have to reign him in.  They will let out an occasional "damn", but they are pretty good.  Of course it's because I really, _really_, monitor myself around them.


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## The Accountant (Jan 15, 2017)

Can we keep the thread on topic please, only crop dusting related conversation. :-" 

Sure.


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## Red Flag 1 (Jan 15, 2017)

K9Quest said:


> Can we keep the thread on topic please, only crop dusting related conversation. :-"
> 
> Sure.




Like the avatar!!


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## Diamondback 2/2 (Jan 15, 2017)

Devildoc said:


> My 13 year-old son uses the words "suck" and "blow" far for much for my liking and I have to reign him in.  They will let out an occasional "damn", but they are pretty good.  Of course it's because I really, _really_, monitor myself around them.



My 5 year old daughter spilled her drink at dinner a few nights ago. She let out a very slow "ooooooh shiiiiiit". As my wife began to give her the don't say that speech, my oldest daughter and I about fell out of our chairs laughing. The funny part is that my wife thinks our daughter learned it from me. But yet fails to hear herself screaming shit and God damnit every morning as she trys to wrangle those kids ready for school.

They start dropping F bombs, I'll admit my participation in their vulgar vocabulary. But until then, it wasn't me.


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## R.Caerbannog (Jan 16, 2017)

This reminds me of how I unintentionally taught the nephew how to growl. Long story short, I helped care for my nephew when he was a few months old, to a little over two. Infant nephew would hear me burp and try to mimic. Since he couldn't mimic my burp, he would growl. He would bare his little teeth and go, "grrrrrrrr". 

Never taught him swears though, I think my sister would have murdered me.


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## Red Flag 1 (Jan 16, 2017)

[Q


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## JohnBender (Jan 16, 2017)

Ocoka One said:


> When you fart and leave the area suddenly, it's called "crop dusting."
> 
> 
> They all need to join the Marines.



You think that is the way to go until they come home after they hit the fleet and go:

'DAD CHECK THIS OUT - OIL CHECK' then they try to jam a finger up someone's ass, and calmly say "You're a quart low"

Or even more juvenile - they knife hand straight up or down someone's ass crack, and when that person turns around, bewildered and violent, your sons will hold out their hand flat and say:

"Credit Card Approved, Can I have your signature here please?"

Then you'll wish they stuck to innocent things like Crop Dusting. Marines are gay.


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## Gunz (Jan 16, 2017)

JohnBender said:


> You think that is the way to go until they come home after they hit the fleet and go:
> 
> 'DAD CHECK THIS OUT - OIL CHECK' then they try to jam a finger up someone's ass, and calmly say "You're a quart low"
> 
> ...




Marines are demented. 
L/Cpls are especially demented. 

When I was a squadleader at 2/6  I had a PFC running through the squadbay screaming with his trousers on fire. He'd been sitting at a table with a couple of _my_ L/Cpls who squirted his utility pants with lighter fluid underneath the table and lit him up...watched him run off in panic laughing their asses off. Of course the fluid burned itself out and the kid wasn't hurt, but those big ass L/Cpls were out raking pine needles for a week.


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## JohnBender (Jan 16, 2017)

Ocoka One said:


> Marines are demented.
> L/Cpls are especially demented.
> 
> When I was a squadleader at 2/6  I had a PFC running through the squadbay screaming with his trousers on fire. He'd been sitting at a table with a couple of _my_ L/Cpls who squirted his utility pants with lighter fluid underneath the table and lit him up...watched him run off in panic laughing their asses off. Of course the fluid burned itself out and the kid wasn't hurt, but those big ass L/Cpls were out raking pine needles for a week.



I am actually laughing out loud at the image of it. 

I bet between grumblings of "fuck [Rank] Ocoka One" they had no regrets about their decision. 

I also appreciate that punishments like mopping rain, raking pine needs, sweeping rocks, and so on are time honored traditions that have yet to go out of style. Well, you know what they say about the Marine Corps: 241 years of tradition unhindered by progress.

Though I did not see it personally, my favorite one from my time in 1/6 was apparently when a PFC got duct-taped between two mattresses and thrown off the third deck. He faired much better than the drunk LCpl who tried to dive into a kiddie pool from the same location, shattering both femurs instantly. These happened with reliable witnesses...about 200 of them.

A third hand story that I cannot verify but is too demented to be made up was from my buddy who was stationed out in Oki - Said he got a fresh wave of intel or admin or whatever shitty job he did boots, and the next day a monsoon hit. Said they tied a few tarps together, duct taped some poor bastard to a lawn chair, attached the tarps and then carried him outside. To paraphrase what he said - They thought the kid would get scared, the wind would pick him up and drop him on his ass a few feet away. What ended up happening was the wind caught the tarps, and launched this poor fuck across the quad and smashed him directly into the DUTY NCO hut. The kid was mostly unharmed, but I guess some of their leadership was not too happy about trying to give E-2's their jumpwings.


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