# This is why I'm not Airborne



## AKkeith (Feb 18, 2015)

I'll stick to being a Marine and humping everywhere if it means I can stay on the ground. 






__ https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=1548157188780295


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## Teufel (Feb 18, 2015)

That guy is obviously trying out for the Leap Frogs before he even graduates basic airborne.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 18, 2015)

God made wind.... Man made canopy releases.  Of course, not being a bean pole helped ensure that bullshit never happened to me. That, and what the hell is a hollywood jump anyway? LOL


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## Blizzard (Feb 18, 2015)

AKkeith said:


> I'll stick to being a Marine and humping everywhere if it means I can stay on the ground.


Are you kidding?  The ground was clearly the suck in that video.  If it didn't keep getting in the way he may've had a fun ride.


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## Ooh-Rah (Feb 18, 2015)

@AKkeith Amen brother, Amen!


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## Muppet (Feb 19, 2015)

Bah! Canopy fucking release! Hollywood jumps are for Coscom. The only Holloywood jumps I made was Sat. "fun jumps" when the C.O. felt we did not jump enough....that was never the case. We jumped all the fucking time.

F.M.


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## AKkeith (Feb 19, 2015)

What's a "Hollywood" jump? @Firemedic


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## medicchick (Feb 19, 2015)

Anyone else surprised this is a Russian video?  I know we've all seen the dash cam ones out there, they seems to do things not quite right but you can't stop watching.


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## medicchick (Feb 19, 2015)

AKkeith said:


> What's a "Hollywood" jump? @Firemedic


No combat load, or generally any gear at all.


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## Muppet (Feb 19, 2015)

medicchick said:


> No combat load, or generally any gear at all.



What the crazy Ranger's wife said. All jumps in Division or Ranger Batt are combat load...full ruck with name the MOS gear, aid bag for medic, radio for commo, dragon gunner, go gunner, mortars.....Plus 1950 (M4 bag), main chute, reserve, blah, blah, blah. It all hangs between you're legs and they fall asleep. Then you have to manage to exit the aircraft. Real fun.....While you gotta pee bad. Ask any Paratrooper / Ranger, what ever what the first thing on the ground...after popping said canopy release is and if they tell you get weapon ready, they are lying. It is get in a combat ready position, pull you're junk out and relieve yourself, then get weapon ready. LOL.

F.M.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 19, 2015)

I can remember........2 total hollywood jumps planned/executed at Batt.  One of which was my tree landing which also happened to be the softest landing I ever had, thanks to the tree catching canopy and bending down to where I was placed on the ground kindly by the pine gods. The other was a pay-hurt jump for some reason I got slated for without being pay hurt, was supposed to be a blackhawk jump departing from Peden Field... ended up the only people who got to jump before winds were too high was reups.


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## Muppet (Feb 19, 2015)

I had a tree landing in Lejeune when we trained with some Marines and other people...That was fun, and hot and the mosquitos are the size of fucking Dodge Rams.

F.M.


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## amlove21 (Feb 19, 2015)

BAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

Great vid.


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## ritterk (Feb 19, 2015)

Jumping rounds is lame, you will feel differently when you attend free fall.


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## Marauder06 (Feb 19, 2015)

Pop a riser, bro!


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## Queeg (Feb 19, 2015)

In Russia, parachute jumps YOU.


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## Teufel (Feb 19, 2015)

We actually jump hollywood in the Marine Corps all the time.  We aren't allowed to jump combat equipment, at night or into water (intentionally) if we aren't current so we normally start a jump package with a slick jump or two.  We also do quarterly hollywood jumps to get everyone current who isn't.


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## TLDR20 (Feb 19, 2015)

Teufel said:


> We actually jump hollywood in the Marine Corps all the time.  We aren't allowed to jump combat equipment, at night or into water (intentionally) if we aren't current so we normally start a jump package with a slick jump or two.  We also do quarterly hollywood jumps to get everyone current who isn't.



We jumped Hollywood in Group more than CE.


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## AWP (Feb 19, 2015)

ritterk said:


> Jumping rounds is lame, you will feel differently when you attend free fall.


 
Pre-skydiving: Man, I love jumping with the Army even when it sucks,
Post-skydiving: Screw this. A round driving my dick into the dirt on every jump? Do I have to jump this month? What's the point, I'm in Support Co.?


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## RackMaster (Feb 19, 2015)

So does that count as more than 1 jump?  lol


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## racing_kitty (Feb 19, 2015)

I didn't realize that the Russian Army had parasailing wings.  Who knew?


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## x SF med (Feb 19, 2015)

Left fucking capewell....   Left fucking capewell....


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## nobodythank you (Feb 19, 2015)

Freefalling said:


> What's the point, I'm in Support Co.?


It's ok, Support Co. will never go off to war. We don't NEED to work on our basic soldiering skills. We will never be deployed.


Kayaks. That is all.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 19, 2015)

AIRFIELDS AIRFIELDS AIRFIELDS tarmac is your friend, its better than a runway light enema or a antenna farm hotdog skewer...


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## Muppet (Feb 22, 2015)

Ranger Psych said:


> AIRFIELDS AIRFIELDS AIRFIELDS tarmac is your friend, its better than a runway light enema or a antenna farm hotdog skewer...



Very true brother. Very true....or eating an F.L.A.(ambulance for DZ coverage) with you're face when the winds change because 44th. Med (not Division medics) cannot re-position said FLA. (I can neither confirm nor deny that ever happened to me)...but it hurt.

F.M.


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## Brill (Feb 22, 2015)

So JV.  High winds always require landing in trees: the vast network of branches capture the 'chute and prevent this very thing from happening.

@Ranger Psych  "Airfields":wall:...pfft.  You gotta think outside of the box and use your environment.  Ever notice that airfields are typically devoid of trees?  

My God, next you'll start preaching the benefits of PLFs!  Tree landings do not require PLFs.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 22, 2015)

I'll take tree landings over landing in a fucking ILS/NDB/ETC fucking beacon box of anal hunting antennae, TYVM.

Especially considering the one tree landing I had over my 64 jumps was literally the softest I had.


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

My softest landing was in a field in Germany...  N/T/CE with half of SF Regiment's gear in/on/hanging off my ruck...  into a large international JSOT ...  I was buried to my knees in mud...  no need for a PLF, actually, no way to do a PLF.


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## 8654Maine (Feb 23, 2015)

True story:  Drop from Huey's onto DZ in LeJeune onto dry, hard dirt.  One guy did not perform PLF correctly.  Injured his back.  He couldn't get up and was in a pile of very tall grass.  He pops smoke to signal he is injured and to locate his poz.

Did I mention that it was a very dry month with tall, very dry grass?


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

8654Maine said:


> True story:  Drop from Huey's onto DZ in LeJeune onto dry, hard dirt.  One guy did not perform PLF correctly.  Injured his back.  He couldn't get up and was in a pile of very tall grass.  He pops smoke to signal he is injured and to locate his poz.
> 
> Did I mention that it was a very dry month with tall, very dry grass?



Marine BBQ....  smells just like pork, doesn't it?:wall:

So, did you recover fully?:-"


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## DA SWO (Feb 23, 2015)

Softest landing for me was a night resupply mission in Ft McCoy WI.  About 4ft of soft snow, I just sat down (had no choice) when I landed.  Getting the sled with MRE's and other shit out sucked balls, but the landing was nice.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 23, 2015)

lindy said:


> My God, next you'll start preaching the benefits of PLFs!



PLF's do fucking work though.  My major fucking complaint is that I literally had 2 jumps out of all of em where I did something remotely resembling what we were trained to do.


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

Ranger Psych said:


> PLF's do fucking work though.  My major fucking complaint is that I literally had 2 jumps out of all of em where I did something remotely resembling what we were trained to do.




Yeah, mostly it was just....."Fall Down, Go Boom"...  then left fucking capewell, left fucking capewell.....


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

My softest was into a lake. Love water jumps.


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

ke4gde said:


> My softest was into a lake. Love water jumps.



Water jumps do not count for soft landings.   sorry, bro...


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

LoL says who? It was a jump, I landed, softly.... I don't recall parameters being set for this labia measuring contest


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 23, 2015)

Why am I not surprised that a support guy would want to measure his labia


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## AKkeith (Feb 23, 2015)

Shots fired!


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

Look who's talking you Groot landing mf'er lol.


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

ke4gde said:


> Look who's talking you Groot landing mf'er lol.



Hmmmmmm....   this looks to be getting interesting....  SOT-A vs Batt-Boy....


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

x SF med said:


> Hmmmmmm....   this looks to be getting interesting....  SOT-A vs Batt-Boy....


LoL worse, SIGDET vs tree rapist


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

ke4gde said:


> LoL worse, SIGDET vs tree rapist



You do understand that a tree landing is just another way of quickly making a large field expedient shelter, right?


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

x SF med said:


> You do understand that a tree landing is just another way of quickly making a large field expedient shelter, right?


Aren't you supposed to move TOWARDS the objective when you land? Not build a campsite... lol


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## x SF med (Feb 23, 2015)

The DZ is a primary objective, and could be your ORP too....   plus, every kid wants a cool tree fort.


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## Ranger Psych (Feb 23, 2015)

The tree bowed to my presence and set me gently upon the ground. The BN XO is the one who tried to make a tree fort with his RTO no less.... both landed in the same fuckhuge oak that we ended up having to drop with a m35a2 and M88 recovery chain I aquired through alternative supply channels.

Also, I'll groot the fuck outa some wall to wall counseling. I know where you live, lawdog. LOL


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## nobodythank you (Feb 23, 2015)

Ranger Psych said:


> I know where you live, lawdog. LOL







LoL don't let the smooth taste fool you


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## 8654Maine (Feb 24, 2015)

"Groot"....


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## AWP (Feb 24, 2015)

Jesus...I wish I'd gone to the Q Course if only to avoid the stain created by this thread....


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## nobodythank you (Feb 24, 2015)

well, I did learn from the best.....Boss.


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## AWP (Feb 24, 2015)

I did elevate the Det's sarcasm capabilities to a "ho' nubba' lebel."


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## Gunz (Feb 25, 2015)

AKkeith said:


> I'll stick to being a Marine and humping everywhere if it means I can stay on the ground.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 

See what you started? Our web-footed exploits cannot compare to these warriors-from-the-sky. My drunken bungee jump is only a sad pathetic cry for help, the cliff I rapelled off in Panama gets higher with every re-telling. 

But...we had an E5 join our company at Lejeune who was a battalion celebrity of sorts because he had amazingly survived a 500 foot fall when his chute malfunctioned, broken a bunch of bones but RTD. Crazy. He was our good luck charm.


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