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Given some of the responses I have seen, I can definitely see that I have failed to understand some fairly basic concepts- and I also haven't qualified or articulated myself well AT-ALL. So on that end, I hope this response is at all helpful. It will be a response to DZ, but again, I hope it addresses some of the former comments I made.
I think a few things should be noted in the beginning here. My assumption is that the forums experiences with civilians can be less than stellar- and I think the fair amount of locked threads I have seen would reflect that. I can't speak to all of those- but as for the thread that I have made, I'm going to try and speak the best I can to a few points and all I am asking for is some patience with me because flat out- I don't know what I don't know.
Let's take how I got to this point in the first place as an example. As a civilian with no family members who have taken part in the wars going on over the past twenty/thirty years, and with no access to SOF communities (and limited exposure to conventional military units) I am at the mercy of the internet (with information rapidly being dded and changed every single day - as well as recruiters who all vary in regards to experience, personality, and integrity/trustworthiness.
Due to my own immaturity and a few other factors- my first real exposure to any special operations unit/community was the movie Lone Survivor. And seeing as how big Navy has really had the "corner" on recruiting- I really believed so much of what I read and heard in regards to NSW being the best in the world, the hardest military training in the world, the "operators" of the military, etc. I might have heard the terms Ranger, PJ, Green Beret or the like in a movie, but it just wouldn't have registered in my mind for the reasons listed above. Top of which being no prior experience or knowledge to compare it to.
So, when I started to understand that it's far more complex than that, and the different tasks/roles/missions that each SOF unit has it really humbled me and made me realize that I was under some serious false presumptions and motivations. Then after pouring through literally hundreds and hundreds of hours of podcasts, documentaries, and pages/web articles- I started to grasp what it was that I really wanted to do, but I still had to deal with the fact that I hadn't addressed some serious factors.
Those factors would be:
1. The nature of war/what kind of war we are in/do I agree with the war, and attached to that would be, do I believe we are in the war to actually win it (and what winning in the war on terror actually means)
2. Time away from the family (and understanding/being realistic with how much time away is actually involved - and to what end)
3. Divorce rates in the military and why it happens/how to best combat that issue in my own marriage
4. (Again) What is it that I want to accomplish, and how.
With that in mind- I don't know what good man/leader would apologize for, or would have to qualify why he wants to put his family/team first. I'm not accountable for how another man leads his family, I'm accountable for how I lead my own. To be clear, this doesn't mean that in every scenario or circumstance that my family/team is going to be put ahead of somebody else's family/team or that I have the expectation that no sacrifice is required. Respectfully, those words belong to someone else, but not me. I would imagine that the same principle applies to an ODA. Wouldn't a good 18A have the mission and his men in mind with everything that he does? Is an ODA best served if the officer puts his own ODA behind every other? Last to get the training slots, last to get the deployments, last to get pay (and everything else it might include)? And that does that mean that the ODA is never called upon to be last, or to make sacrifices where it absolutely hurts or kills them? No. To me it's being prudent about sacrifice, and wise about the when/where/and why of that sacrifice. Any good leader should have that in mind.
And what it means is that I am trying to do the very best I can with the circumstances. I'm twenty-eight with two children, a wife, and a house. If there were a direct path to 18A like there is for the 18 Series (such as 18X) well then there would be no question or hesitation. It should be said as well that if you look up 18A on Go Army, it doesn't make any connection to prior MOS/jobs. If it was a prerequisite to be an 11A or any other Ground MOS - well, the question wouldn't have come up at all because I would know my direct path. As it is, I have to create accounts on military forums such as this one to glean some insight from people who are actually there or who have been there.
And to make a small point on that end- I would imagine there is an overwhelming amount of young/younger people who sign up for this forum with the goal of getting a BUDS contract/Option 40 Contract/18X Contract and the like. I would also imagine that no one has any issue with this at all (and to your point DZ), there should be no issue whatsoever for those who want to do those particular jobs right? And just like these candidates shouldn't look down on conventional forces for choosing their path, the inverse should be true as well right? Then given the circumstances, and given the fact that I never once said that I wouldn't serve in a conventional capacity, or that the time spent by those who have chosen that path is "less than", I don't draw the same parallels that you do.
There’s a way of serving (in my opinion) that is also self serving. My family is not served if I am on the relentless pursuit of self-glory, or ambition, or a deep sense of personal fulfillment (and you could insert quite a few other motivations in there) at the expense of their well-being, especially while I am building the foundation for the rest of their lives. My wife does not have the well of emotional fortitude that other military spouses have, and so to make the proper adjustments for that, I am looking out for her as much as I possibly can- not to mention the children who have no vote on what I have decided to do with my/our weekends.
In my mind - the ultimate goal of a good officer is to put the mission and the man a thousand miles ahead of himself by laying his life down over, and over, and over again to ensure that end. If that doesn't start with my family, then I don't know how it could ever possibly hope to translate to a platoon or ODA. And by serving my family, the platoon/ODA is served far, far better as well. If my family and home life are stable, then my ODA wins. My weekends home are not spent with bitter fighting and resentment. Instead they are spend taking care of the ODA - and fine tuning skills, whatever they may be. If my son learns to live the time away because he sees the worth of self-sacrifice (and especially because it served them personally as well) then perhaps he will wan to learn what I've learned, and follow in my footsteps- and be a better man/soldier/officer then I was (and ultimately continue the mission). And if my daughter wants to marry a man like myself, and the complete opposite, then perhaps she will make children who follow that path as well. Sure, would HR or a non-deployable job be the type of service I would have imagined when I was in my early-twenties? Let me be frank, absolutely not. But would I be proud and honored? Absolutely.
