The Quartermaster
Verified Military
- Joined
- May 3, 2020
- Messages
- 1,051
I know it has been awhile since I last posted. This has been a very rough year for me so far and why I got off the net for a very long time.
Back in FEB my wife of 28 years was killed by a drunk driver. This past April a beloved family friend who I was a hero to for saving her brother's like when he was my soldier, passed from liver complications. And just this last month my mother who had decades left to live, passed suddenly from dementia that came out of nowhere.
I still haven't fully recovered from losing my wife. I'm still not okay about my little sister from another mother. And I am definitely not in a good place with my mother's death. The first two's services I had some closures with. But my mother's? Nope, not even close.
My sister was in denial and anger the entire time. How she handled it was rather apathetic but my brother in law did admit that there was a war between my sister and our mom. Our uncle, our mother's brother? I never before had wanted to punch a family member's face in but he was well on his way there to being the first. He flies in fo a half day. Goes to the services in socks, sandals, and shorts with a T shirt on, and a fanny pack. he makes an insult to me within ten minutes of seeing me in decades, and right after I gave him a hug. Then before he bounces he says he wants to stop for two cheeseburgers to eat before his flight. I asked him to stay and have lunch with us instead, my treat. I asked him to stay with us and I will pay for the hotel and flight if they don't allow a cancellation. Nope.
I have to stay strong for our daughter and granddaughter, but the kiddo is seeing right through me as she still lives with us and I have not spent a night in the bedroom because ever since she was killed, I just cannot do it without my wife being next to me. I will never remarry, she was my one true love and my best friend. We were supposed to grow old together and I was robbed of that. Our daughter will never get to see both her mom and her grandmother seeing her graduate from college and getting married herself.
I am angrier than I should be at things and most often there being no reason to be even be mildly upset. All I do now is come home and avoid the master bedroom and bath as much as possible. Her robe is still on her side of the bed where she had put it for when she was to get back home and slip into before showering. I do every chore and errand imaginable to stay out of my own home when the kids aren't around.
My being here on this earth is not over because I have to remain strong for our babies. But it's been a very, VERY miserable existence so far in doing so. And this year isn't even close to being over yet. Great.
I am not asking for prayers or words of encouragement, nor any favors. But I am here if needed to talk to or talk with. Thanks for listening, I had to vent some of this out finally in a safe space.
Back in FEB my wife of 28 years was killed by a drunk driver. This past April a beloved family friend who I was a hero to for saving her brother's like when he was my soldier, passed from liver complications. And just this last month my mother who had decades left to live, passed suddenly from dementia that came out of nowhere.
I still haven't fully recovered from losing my wife. I'm still not okay about my little sister from another mother. And I am definitely not in a good place with my mother's death. The first two's services I had some closures with. But my mother's? Nope, not even close.
My sister was in denial and anger the entire time. How she handled it was rather apathetic but my brother in law did admit that there was a war between my sister and our mom. Our uncle, our mother's brother? I never before had wanted to punch a family member's face in but he was well on his way there to being the first. He flies in fo a half day. Goes to the services in socks, sandals, and shorts with a T shirt on, and a fanny pack. he makes an insult to me within ten minutes of seeing me in decades, and right after I gave him a hug. Then before he bounces he says he wants to stop for two cheeseburgers to eat before his flight. I asked him to stay and have lunch with us instead, my treat. I asked him to stay with us and I will pay for the hotel and flight if they don't allow a cancellation. Nope.
I have to stay strong for our daughter and granddaughter, but the kiddo is seeing right through me as she still lives with us and I have not spent a night in the bedroom because ever since she was killed, I just cannot do it without my wife being next to me. I will never remarry, she was my one true love and my best friend. We were supposed to grow old together and I was robbed of that. Our daughter will never get to see both her mom and her grandmother seeing her graduate from college and getting married herself.
I am angrier than I should be at things and most often there being no reason to be even be mildly upset. All I do now is come home and avoid the master bedroom and bath as much as possible. Her robe is still on her side of the bed where she had put it for when she was to get back home and slip into before showering. I do every chore and errand imaginable to stay out of my own home when the kids aren't around.
My being here on this earth is not over because I have to remain strong for our babies. But it's been a very, VERY miserable existence so far in doing so. And this year isn't even close to being over yet. Great.
I am not asking for prayers or words of encouragement, nor any favors. But I am here if needed to talk to or talk with. Thanks for listening, I had to vent some of this out finally in a safe space.