Failure404
Unverified
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2015
- Messages
- 33
It’s been a while since I was active on this site, so I suppose a reintroduction is in order. Some of you might remember me by my former handle TrainerAsh. I’m planning to keep this new name as motivation, though.
I’m a 31 yo pesticide applicator with aspirations to be SF. The plan is to enlist by the end of the year.
Some might wonder why I haven’t joined already and that’s fair. I’ve been a member of this site for the last decade, after all. The truth is probably that I wasn’t ready. Apparently, I had a lot of growing to do in my twenties and I honestly doubt I would have made it (although, I will not lie, I feel like I have wasted some of my time and would have been better served by enlisting and failing anyway). Some of the things I experienced in my early adult life had a profound impact on who I was developing into and what my goals were. I went to college, lost my childhood faith, swung hard left (eventually ended up somewhere closer to the start) and had to rebuild my entire worldview. My faith crisis forced me to answer a lot of questions I thought I had answers to. There were a lot of things I had taken for granted. It’s hard to express just what kind of impact that had on me. It was very emotionally traumatic, to be honest, and I felt lost and aimless for a long time. I got into philosophy and started exploring my views on ethics, meaning and knowledge (some of you might remember me asking about the morality of war. Those kinds of questions weighed heavily on me). I dropped out of the religious university I was attending and pursued random jobs (I always struggled to find a path. Always had too many interests, to my own detriment.)
Despite my life taking a different turn than expected, I have always been inspired by the values espoused by this community. I thought I could take the lessons and focus on other aspects of life. I guess I was wrong. After pursuing other paths, I’ve realized I can’t escape the draw of this community. I want the personal challenge and the brotherhood. For the last 5 years, I’ve been working a good job that has never felt like a career. I blinked and 5 years had passed. It felt like I would blink again and another 10 or 20 would pass and I did not like that feeling. SF has always felt like a gravitational field I can’t escape; no matter what distraction or new passion I discover, I always end up pulled right back here. I don’t know what I’m running from—commitment, fear, self-doubt, analysis paralysis—but I’m tired of not feeling like I’m living my best life. I’m not getting any younger, so it’s now or never. As someone told me once, we make our choices and live with the consequences. This is what I’m choosing.
I made this decision last October. Since then, I’ve been slowly working on my general fitness. I’m not out of shape, relatively speaking, for an American, but I haven’t been committed to fitness for the last couple of years and have some work ahead of me.
I’ve built my running base back up to 30 mpw. All Z2 easy runs. I can easily run 90 minutes nonstop and I’m at the point where I’m ready to start adding speed work again. For that reason, I have not yet tested my 2 or 5 mile time. I have not started rucking, either.
I’ve been following the free template from the guys at Infinite Grit, which is basically 5/3/1 and calisthenics. My current numbers are as follows (the following lift numbers are all 1RM):
Aside from working on my fitness, I’ve been reviewing for the ASVAB and plan to talk to a recruiter soon. Getting all my ducks in a row with documents and personal history stuff. I also need an eye exam. I believe my current eyesight is correctable to 20/20. I used to wear glasses for farsightedness, but it was so minor that my doctor recommended I ditch the glasses). I’m scheduling a test, though. Also, while I know this might be putting the cart before the horse a bit, but I’m studying anatomy and physiology with the hope that I can make becoming an 18D an easier pursuit. Long term, I feel intrinsically motivated by the idea of a career in medicine. (Actually, if for some reason I am unable to join, I will probably pursue EMS as a backup)
I do want to thank everyone in this community. Though you may not know it, I’ve spent hours reading your words and they have had a profound influence on me over the years. This forum has always been a major source of inspiration. Thanks for all you guys do.
I’m a 31 yo pesticide applicator with aspirations to be SF. The plan is to enlist by the end of the year.
Some might wonder why I haven’t joined already and that’s fair. I’ve been a member of this site for the last decade, after all. The truth is probably that I wasn’t ready. Apparently, I had a lot of growing to do in my twenties and I honestly doubt I would have made it (although, I will not lie, I feel like I have wasted some of my time and would have been better served by enlisting and failing anyway). Some of the things I experienced in my early adult life had a profound impact on who I was developing into and what my goals were. I went to college, lost my childhood faith, swung hard left (eventually ended up somewhere closer to the start) and had to rebuild my entire worldview. My faith crisis forced me to answer a lot of questions I thought I had answers to. There were a lot of things I had taken for granted. It’s hard to express just what kind of impact that had on me. It was very emotionally traumatic, to be honest, and I felt lost and aimless for a long time. I got into philosophy and started exploring my views on ethics, meaning and knowledge (some of you might remember me asking about the morality of war. Those kinds of questions weighed heavily on me). I dropped out of the religious university I was attending and pursued random jobs (I always struggled to find a path. Always had too many interests, to my own detriment.)
Despite my life taking a different turn than expected, I have always been inspired by the values espoused by this community. I thought I could take the lessons and focus on other aspects of life. I guess I was wrong. After pursuing other paths, I’ve realized I can’t escape the draw of this community. I want the personal challenge and the brotherhood. For the last 5 years, I’ve been working a good job that has never felt like a career. I blinked and 5 years had passed. It felt like I would blink again and another 10 or 20 would pass and I did not like that feeling. SF has always felt like a gravitational field I can’t escape; no matter what distraction or new passion I discover, I always end up pulled right back here. I don’t know what I’m running from—commitment, fear, self-doubt, analysis paralysis—but I’m tired of not feeling like I’m living my best life. I’m not getting any younger, so it’s now or never. As someone told me once, we make our choices and live with the consequences. This is what I’m choosing.
I made this decision last October. Since then, I’ve been slowly working on my general fitness. I’m not out of shape, relatively speaking, for an American, but I haven’t been committed to fitness for the last couple of years and have some work ahead of me.
I’ve built my running base back up to 30 mpw. All Z2 easy runs. I can easily run 90 minutes nonstop and I’m at the point where I’m ready to start adding speed work again. For that reason, I have not yet tested my 2 or 5 mile time. I have not started rucking, either.
I’ve been following the free template from the guys at Infinite Grit, which is basically 5/3/1 and calisthenics. My current numbers are as follows (the following lift numbers are all 1RM):
- Deadlift: 250
- Bench press: 175
- Overhead press: 120
- Squat: 195
- HRP: 43
- Pull-ups: 11
- Plank: 2:10
Aside from working on my fitness, I’ve been reviewing for the ASVAB and plan to talk to a recruiter soon. Getting all my ducks in a row with documents and personal history stuff. I also need an eye exam. I believe my current eyesight is correctable to 20/20. I used to wear glasses for farsightedness, but it was so minor that my doctor recommended I ditch the glasses). I’m scheduling a test, though. Also, while I know this might be putting the cart before the horse a bit, but I’m studying anatomy and physiology with the hope that I can make becoming an 18D an easier pursuit. Long term, I feel intrinsically motivated by the idea of a career in medicine. (Actually, if for some reason I am unable to join, I will probably pursue EMS as a backup)
I do want to thank everyone in this community. Though you may not know it, I’ve spent hours reading your words and they have had a profound influence on me over the years. This forum has always been a major source of inspiration. Thanks for all you guys do.
