While
The National Enquirer is perhaps best known for simply making shit up about celebrities and political figures, intelligence officers caution against rejecting the magazine’s collection capabilities.
Candidate Trump clearly agrees. “Sure, the Enquirer might make up a story or two about how
half of all hookers are aliens, or that
Bill Clinton hired a three-breasted intern, or that
President Obama wasn’t born an American citizen… wait that last one is actually true… anyway, the point is, through the Enquirer, I was able to find out things that eluded all of Mr. Cruz’s supporters, the Democratic National Convention, and the entire Republican Party,” Mr. Trump explained during a press conference at a fortified compound in northern Oregon, right before it was broken up by angry illegal alien protesters, both earth-born and extra-terrestrial.
