Truer words about my great state were never spoken:
"A state that feels more like a large city surrounded by farmland. Most people who live in this state feel that it is divided into two areas--Chicago and Downstate. Although the official state capital is Springfield, just about everything gets done in Chicago. In fact, some out-of-staters actually believe that the capital of Illinois is Chicago.
Because of this, and many other things, most "downstaters" resent everything and everyone from Chicago.
Visitor: Where are you from?
Illinois Guy: I'm from Peoria, Illinois.
Visitor: Where's that? Near Chicago?
Illinois Guy: No, it's about 50 miles west of Bloomington.
Visitor: Where's Bloomington?
Illinois Guy: Oh, forget it. It's near Chicago."
I'm waiting for the mass migration of Chicago residents as they escape after the city goes full-on Chiraq.
I plan on using fake Starbucks storefronts to act as feints, drawing the younger and more resilient away from the main EA.