Assess me

[Chief_Gunny]

I also posted this in the SOF mentor section.
I want to share my story and get feedback to see if this is really for me. And to see if I am the right man for the job

I am 29 been in the army 7 yrs as a 13B. I always wanted to be a "commando" since I was a kid I imagined myself some special agent doing dangerous things for the good of humanity and the nation. I often found myself the "leader" of my group of friends but in my teens I led my group of friends in "criminal type" activities and formed a "gang". Not proud of it but that's just how my youth went.

I got away from it all and decided to join the army. Went to Campbell graduated air assault school as the ruck march champion won a few soldier of the months got a few awards and kept my eye on SF. I raised my GT from 106 to 124 and in 2015 went to SFAS. 19 day nonselect and I was to say the least bummed. I kept wondering what I did wrong when I asked the cadre they said if I didnt know I didnt need to come back. I was eligible to come back and I kept thinking maybe my team didnt peer me good. I did lose my protractor but I made one with an index card and still found my points.

I got another spot report for going to a formation leaving to go get the others and when we all came back down cadre said I was late. I believe but not certain that I may have been peered. Possibly for being kind of the "grayman" I didnt really lead anything just made sure I wasn't a burden.

When I got back to my normal life I discovered my wife of 6 yrs was quite possibly cheating on me and for sure had done it in the past In the early stages of our marriage. We barely recovered and I only mention it because it really stained my SF ambitions for some reason partly because I had been "neglecting" my family by pursuing personal goals and my marriage was not strong enough for that yet. I bounced back career wise won NCO of the year placed 2nd at division and even went to the 72nd Dday anniversary and met Gen Mark Milley. My section won top gun in divarty and there was literally nothing else as a 13B where I was at to excell in.

I shifted my focus on Ranger school since I had won nco of the year and top gun I was an easy go to get a slot. I went to pre ranger twice both times failing patrols and peers. I still have the peer evaluation sheets as a reminder to be better. I had bad remarks such as no leadership ability, does not have a presence, cant believe hes an NCO, lacks confidence etc. They hurt but over time I accepted that I needed to change. I was not ready even at 26 I was not a good leader in Infantry tactics or much. I was afraid to say the wrong thing and make a mistake. so afraid at failing so much it made me fail. 11bs are a little different but I should have managed ok. I had many talks with "RIs" and they all said the same thing I showed no leadership.

I left fort campbell kind of defeated alot of guys had their Hope's on me to get the the school and get the tab. And I failed, my leadership was very surprised and even went down to the school I had a msg from ranger batt go down there and vouch for me and question their assessment but it was too late. I was pcsing to germany and had lost my slot. I go to ALC get promoted to E6 and get to my new unit without the great reputation I built.
I become a section chief and led 7 other guys.

I aimed to develop my leadership skills and I made plenty of mistakes but I learned. I was the most junior guy there the other chiefs were much more experienced 4 to 5 more years even at being a chief. They let me fall on my face plenty of times. But I got better for it. I applied for green to gold in hopes to make some more money and get out of artillery. I got my battalion commander to recommend me. But my commander did not. He was not convinced I could be an officer. We had disagreements on some issues.

I noticed a trend that some people don't like me or see me as a good leader sometimes and yet some people do and say I am a great leader who cares for his soldiers. I never understood why that happens to me I used to think it was because I was hispanic and didnt really "Bro" with everyone usually kept to myself and just worked hard.

So here I am now applying once again for green to gold but my heart is in SF. I always watch videos read books and imagine myself as a green beret. There's not a day that goes by I don't think I should go back. I feel like it's right for me but then I'm afraid I'm going to waste everyone's time and not get selected. Or even worse maybe they will peer me out or not like me. I am who I am I'm not going to change to become personality type that gets selected. I'm not sure what I'm looking for by posting this but something tells me I should.

I want to be SF it's my dream but am I enough? What should I do to be more than I am? How can I know I'm ready.

- mod edit -

Attempted to create some paragraphs to give your post a fighting chance of being read Ooh Rah

 

[DZ]

First off, paragraphs.. Use them. You're lucky I stuck it out and read all of your post.

Secondly, it sounds like it should be clear to you what your problem is. You were soldier of the year, and it sounds like you are a hard worker, and probably fit, but you have multiple peers saying you are a bad leader..

From what I am reading my assessment is that you have a hard time making a decision and sticking to it, you focus to much on little mistakes, and you are afraid of failure to the point that it paralyzes you from making a decision. You are passing blame instead of accepting that you weren't good enough at the time. If you want to have the best job in the world (being a Green Beret) so badly, it is simple. You will go back to SFAS again and continue to do so until you are Selected, or NTR'd. It sounds like you are afraid of failing again though, so you might as well not even go. Just live the rest of your life wondering if you would have made it. That sounds like a better alternative than having to deal with the possibility that you might not make it again.

I am being hard on you because you are a SSG in the US Army.

I want to be SF it's my dream but am I enough? What should I do to be more than I am? How can I know I'm ready.

This statement; coming from a 20 year old civilian is understandable, coming from a SSG.. With that mindset you have already failed.

 

[Daemon40]

This statement; coming from a 20 year old civilian is understandable, coming from a SSG.. With that mindset you have already failed.

I'm assuming you're alluding to a purely positive attitude, that appreciates the lessons of failure as a means for growth, and doesn't let some DQ or family troubles stop him from achieving his goal. He must have the conviction to sacrifice everything including himself if he wishes to join those who do that every day. Few lucky men can find a loyal partner that allows them to focus on their goal, the rest must make the hard choice of Love or Duty.

 

[DZ]

I'm assuming you're alluding to a purely positive attitude, that appreciates the lessons of failure as a means for growth, and doesn't let some DQ or family troubles stop him from achieving his goal. He must have the conviction to sacrifice everything including himself if he wishes to join those who do that every day. Few lucky men can find a loyal partner that allows them to focus on their goal, the rest must make the hard choice of Love or Duty.

Please, tell me more of your vast knowledge on the mindset it takes to make it in Special Operations.

 

[AWP]

AWP the man wants to see this thread continue.

AWP the admin has to shut this down because I've seen this game before.

Commentary: @DeadZeppelin is pretty dead on or else he would take some spot correction from his peers. This too we've seen play out time and time again. With that said, some of y'all may want to read his posts a few more times and find the learning points. Self-awareness and introspection are tools adults need, much less those in certain professions.

I'm not trying to stifle discussion, but I can see this thread going sideways in a post or two. If you think it should be reopened, please hit the Report link to the lower left of my post and make your argument. The staff will read it, debate, and act accordingly.

Cheers!