What do/did you need?

Houston19

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Sep 12, 2025
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Hello all!

First off let me say that I am not a service member, but I am incredibly grateful for all that you amazing people do and have done. It is not lost on me that the comfort and freedoms I take for granted come with a price and you all are some of those who have paid/are paying it and I respect all of you beyond words.

I have an incredibly close friend who is strongly considering going into the SWCC pipeline. He is pretty far along with PST training, working towards MEPS, etc. When I say we are close I mean I am one of the only people who knows he is actively in the process for this. I found this site just doing general research on SWCC and what he might be getting himself into.

I know and understand that if he does this, our friendship will radically change. Months if not years without seeing each other and months of not having any interaction with him. My question for all of you is this: when you were serving/as you are serving, what are some things close friends have done or that you wish they had done for you? What are things you wish they had not done? Basically, I want to start preparing for how to be there for him and support him but I have no idea how to do that. Thoughts and prayers yes, but tangible things I have no idea.

Don't mean to be annoying or sappy, but he has always been there for me and I want to do the same for him.

Thanks!
 
Hello all!

...snip...

Thanks!
Holy shit, dude. Let me start by saying- good on you. What a fantastic question, and thanks for being self aware when asking. You get a +1.

Man, you're going to grow apart, that's the reality. He will become a completely different person immediately. His deeply held beliefs, his principles, that past relationship you have developed- that's all there. But he will live in a world with vastly different rules. Different priorities.

He's gonna have a team, and in the world of special operations, the team is sometimes closer to you than your family. You spend a 12 hour day with them at home, 24/7 when you're on the road or deploy. You spend countless hours killing time and learning the intimate details about your friend that form long-lasting and rich friendships. Bonds forged in adversity are the strongest bonds- friends I met in the military were my best mand and Godparents to my son; but my other best friend and fellow teammate married my wife and I. I love those men in every sense of the word (including for handies, gotta kiss the homies goodnight).

Also at that wedding was my other best friend (total of 3) in my life- a guy I bartended with and bounced with in Ohio. He gets along famously with the other two- he's the most normal NE Ohio dude ever. Browns fan. Works a 9-5. Father. I was living with Chaz and 3 other dudes as a 21-year-old, 24 years ago, when September 11, 2001, happened and I enlisted the next day. Left 3 months later.

I would say- dudes are gonna go out and conquer the world. You will too in your own way, he just got there first. I'll boil down bullet points cause we love some good formatting here.

  • Hope for the success of the man.
  • Always give him the truth from your perspective, even if it sucks for one of you.
  • Don't treat him differently- coming back to Ohio and not having to talk about work, and just being with my bro was a welcome break from the life I was used to at work. The team is great, but a break from the team is necessary. Be that break, don't try and be on the team.
  • Include the larger support system. You know the dude and can help him keep negative shit at arm's distance, but remember, there is a big world outside his bubble. Even just inviting some mutual friend out when he's back is actually a great bro move.
  • (Unpopular) Go out and crush life, too. He's taking on what he's taking on to try and better himself in a big way. It's no easy task. I have friends that I have grown apart from because they were doing the same things they always did and I was crushing myself for a 9% shot at success. The one thing that's the real threat is if you grow apart to different levels. All my friends (military or not) are freaking KILLERS in their space. We compete with each other- it makes us all stronger. Be your own best version of yourself, he's trying to be and this is a team sport.
I'll cede the floor to some smarter dudes and dudettes- thanks for allowing me to blabber.
 
My question for all of you is this: when you were serving/as you are serving, what are some things close friends have done or that you wish they had done for you?

I think this is a very thoughtful post. You sound like a true friend. You'll likely hear differing experiences and I'm not great at being a friend, but when I left for the military I found out who my friends were very fast. Just take on the onus of staying in touch and understand that the military changes us, and that he'll be very busy. So dont be offended if he's not great about staying in touch in the early days.
 
  • Don't treat him differently- coming back to Ohio and not having to talk about work, and just being with my bro was a welcome break from the life I was used to at work. The team is great, but a break from the team is necessary. Be that break, don't try and be on the team.
This is a big one that I need guidance with tbh. He is prior service, not navy spec ops, and we did not know each other during that period of time. We have had very preliminary discussions about our friendship if he goes ahead with this and he asked me flat out not to treat him any different when he comes home or reaches out. I get that and I get him thinking that way because of his past experiences with people. But at the same time I have no idea how to do that lol. I understand he wouldn't be able to tell me much if anything about his work, but when you say "be that break" do you mean not ask him anything at all? Or just keep it very surface level unless he wants to go deeper? I don't want to pry but at the same time I don't want to make him feel like I'm not interested at all if that makes sense.
 
And have him subscribe to @onesready 8-)

First time I have laughed (literally spewed water) in 2 days. And from my heart, thank you.

@Houston19 , what amlove21 said, both about One's Ready, and his posts. To piggyback on bullet point number 5: you do you, and be the best version. Champion him, support him, love him, but do those for you, too.
 
To piggyback on bullet point number 5: you do you, and be the best version. Champion him, support him, love him, but do those for you, too.
Yeah with him being prior service he is very military lol and so I had already thought through like okay when he comes home, calls, gets out whatever my life can't be a dumpster fire he needs me to have my shit together. Like I know him he would be lovingly pissed off at me if I didn't and would let me know haha. But I am glad to hear/see that that wasn't just my head.
 
My buddy keeps inching closer...his package to Coronado will be submitted end of next week/start of the week after most likely. I am curious if anyone has a general idea about what PST scores are good enough to get in right now. I'm not convinced he is where he needs to be to be accepted. If there is another thread that would suit this better please direct me there...thanks!
 
My buddy keeps inching closer...his package to Coronado will be submitted end of next week/start of the week after most likely. I am curious if anyone has a general idea about what PST scores are good enough to get in right now. I'm not convinced he is where he needs to be to be accepted. If there is another thread that would suit this better please direct me there...thanks!

Man. All it takes is all he’s got.
 
Have you ever thought of following a similar path? Great minds think alike and all that jazz. If the two of you are truly life long friends, it would be my wager that you have more in common than you realize.

In response to a few of your questions:
What are things you wish they had not done?
- I wish a lot of my pre-military service friends had kept their lives together. I wish a few of them had stayed away from drugs and alcohol. I wish a few of them had at least been willing to acknowledge some of the comfort and freedoms that many 'civilians' take for granted (and good on you for that - thank YOU for recognizing the sacrifices that some of the folks on this board have made).
- I wish they hadn't called me a "pussy" for not wanting to smoke dope with them while I was home on leave.
- I wish they hadn't told me that I was "stupid" for embracing hardships.
- I wish they hadn't told me I was "fucking retarded" for jumping out of airplanes.
- I wish that one of them hadn't thought it was "OK" to hit on the girl friend was soon to become my wife of 35 years and counting.
- I wish they would have never decided to politicize our friendship by asking how I could justify serving under whatever Commander-In-Chief was in Office at the time. (and yes, listening to a civilian bash a service member for serving under whoever might be occupying the White House, fills me with bipartisan feelings of "go fuck yourself"). America's men and women join the military to serve their nation, not to illustrate some nonexistent form of blind partisan bond with the current 'CinC' - ALWAYS hate on the politician, NEVER hate on the service member.

What are things that close friends did for me?
-Close friends will at least try to come visit you. I was from Atlanta, stationed at Ft Bragg at a time when you didn't need to stop at the gate and show ID just to get on post.
-Close friends will recognize that when a service member is home on leave, or just in town during a four day pass over a long weekend, it is easier to take time to go see them that it is for the service member to take time to try and visit five different 4th of July BBQ's
-Close friends make sure you know that even though they may not "understand" the problem, they'll still listen without judgement.
-Close friends understand that the military has a way of interfering with social priorities, and don't take it personal.


I have a few high school friends that joined the military about the same time as I did. To this day, I still try to maintain contact with them. YEARS have passed between get togethers, and because of our early friendships and shared experiences, in the time it takes to swallow the first few sips of a beverage, it feels like I just talked with them a few days ago. Others from our same peer group, never joined the military and took other paths. A few of them, I see almost every time I return to my home town but the gatherings with those same folks feel more like a formality than a reunion. Some of them have drifted so far off that I am only aware of them because my wife is still friends with a few of their spouses on the FakeBook.

Maybe you aren't at ALL interested in joining the service. Maybe you just aren't sure. I'd say it is evident that you ARE - at least a little - or you wouldn't be quite so interested in the path your friend is taking.

The current landscape in America can feel post apocalyptic sometimes. Some of us look around and don't recognize the country that we joined to serve because "the culture wars" have taken such a toll on our nations heartbeat. Nobody seems to care about much any more - unless it allows them to enjoy a little bit of victim hood every so often. While some Americans go into harms way, others go to the mall. While service members are complaining about their mail being "stuck at BAF" - there are civilians complaining about the graphics on the most recent release of Minecraft. Too many people in America just point at the dumpster fire and says things like, "someone should do something about that" - then, instead of picking up a fire extinguisher, they pull out their cell phone and post the video clip to Tik Toc. Your buddy has decided to pick up a fire extinguisher to help put the fire out. Good on him. Be proud of him, support him. Maybe you could even think about helping him put the fire out.

Maybe you don't want to be a SWCC guy, maybe you want to be an Army Ranger (just not the kind that turns out like that guy Jason Crow from Colorado), maybe you want to be a PJ - I'm not sure why, but they're pretty cool too - maybe you just love the taste of a good Crayola crayon over that of a freshly warmed "Chili Mac" MRE, and can't seem to get over those classy looking USMC Dress Blues...
...maybe you want to be a member of the US Army Special Forces; men who are carefully assessed and selected for their innate ability to do everything objectively better than everyone. Military superiors to everyone in the known universe (with the single exception of Dr Spock from the USS Enterprise). Fighting Soldiers from the sky, fearless men who jump and die, men who mean just what they say; experts in guerilla warfare, the best with guns, with knives, with bare hands, trained to ignore pain, ignore weather; to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy-goat puke, a man whose job is to dispose of enemy personnel, to kill, PERIOD - trained to win - by attrition. (plus, they give you the coolest looking hat in the US Military once you graduate from the course)

Maybe you could do something a little less extreme. Maybe it means you see your friend LESS - but become even closer because of your shared experiences and your willingness to grab a fire extinguisher and help put out the fire instead of just posting dumpster fire videos to Instagram.

Who knows? You might like it. Good luck to your friend, and good luck to you as well, which ever path you choose to take.

Think about it. You were motivated enough to find this bulletin board and start asking questions - maybe now you can ask yourself a few questions:
-Is this choad named Box being serious? Is he just fucking with me? Is he trying to 'recruit' me into the Armed Forces of the United States of America? Is joining the military really something that would change my life? Is it more than I could handle? Is there really a future for someone like me in the US Military?
Are SF guys really as unbelievably talented and awe inspiring as this Box guy says they are?

Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, Yes...
...and you're damn right they are.
 
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Have you ever thought of following a similar path? Great minds think alike and all that jazz. If the two of you are truly life long friends, it would be my wager that you have more in common than you realize.

In response to a few of your questions:
What are things you wish they had not done?
- I wish a lot of my pre-military service friends had kept their lives together. I wish a few of them had stayed away from drugs and alcohol. I wish a few of them had at least been willing to acknowledge some of the comfort and freedoms that many 'civilians' take for granted (and good on you for that - thank YOU for recognizing the sacrifices that some of the folks on this board have made).
- I wish they hadn't called me a "pussy" for not wanting to smoke dope with them while I was home on leave.
- I wish they hadn't told me that I was "stupid" for embracing hardships.
- I wish they hadn't told me I was "fucking retarded" for jumping out of airplanes.
- I wish that one of them hadn't thought it was "OK" to hit on the girl friend was soon to become my wife of 35 years and counting.
- I wish they would have never decided to politicize our friendship by asking how I could justify serving under whatever Commander-In-Chief was in Office at the time. (and yes, listening to a civilian bash a service member for serving under whoever might be occupying the White House, fills me with bipartisan feelings of "go fuck yourself"). America's men and women join the military to serve their nation, not to illustrate some nonexistent form of blind partisan bond with the current 'CinC' - ALWAYS hate on the politician, NEVER hate on the service member.

What are things that close friends did for me?
-Close friends will at least try to come visit you. I was from Atlanta, stationed at Ft Bragg at a time when you didn't need to stop at the gate and show ID just to get on post.
-Close friends will recognize that when a service member is home on leave, or just in town during a four day pass over a long weekend, it is easier to take time to go see them that it is for the service member to take time to try and visit five different 4th of July BBQ's
-Close friends make sure you know that even though they may not "understand" the problem, they'll still listen without judgement.
-Close friends understand that the military has a way of interfering with social priorities, and don't take it personal.


I have a few high school friends that joined the military about the same time as I did. To this day, I still try to maintain contact with them. YEARS have passed between get togethers, and because of our early friendships and shared experiences, in the time it takes to swallow the first few sips of a beverage, it feels like I just talked with them a few days ago. Others from our same peer group, never joined the military and took other paths. A few of them, I see almost every time I return to my home town but the gatherings with those same folks feel more like a formality than a reunion. Some of them have drifted so far off that I am only aware of them because my wife is still friends with a few of their spouses on the FakeBook.

Maybe you aren't at ALL interested in joining the service. Maybe you just aren't sure. I'd say it is evident that you ARE - at least a little - or you wouldn't be quite so interested in the path your friend is taking.

The current landscape in America can feel post apocalyptic sometimes. Some of us look around and don't recognize the country that we joined to serve because "the culture wars" have taken such a toll on our nations heartbeat. Nobody seems to care about much any more - unless it allows them to enjoy a little bit of victim hood every so often. While some Americans go into harms way, others go to the mall. While service members are complaining about their mail being "stuck at BAF" - there are civilians complaining about the graphics on the most recent release of Minecraft. Too many people in America just point at the dumpster fire and says things like, "someone should do something about that" - then, instead of picking up a fire extinguisher, they pull out their cell phone and post the video clip to Tik Toc. Your buddy has decided to pick up a fire extinguisher to help put the fire out. Good on him. Be proud of him, support him. Maybe you could even think about helping him put the fire out.

Maybe you don't want to be a SWCC guy, maybe you want to be an Army Ranger (just not the kind that turns out like that guy Jason Crow from Colorado), maybe you want to be a PJ - I'm not sure why, but they're pretty cool too - maybe you just love the taste of a good Crayola crayon over that of a freshly warmed "Chili Mac" MRE, and can't seem to get over those classy looking USMC Dress Blues...
...maybe you want to be a member of the US Army Special Forces; men who are carefully assessed and selected for their innate ability to do everything objectively better than everyone. Military superiors to everyone in the known universe (with the single exception of Dr Spock from the USS Enterprise). Fighting Soldiers from the sky, fearless men who jump and die, men who mean just what they say; experts in guerilla warfare, the best with guns, with knives, with bare hands, trained to ignore pain, ignore weather; to live off the land, to eat things that would make a billy-goat puke, a man whose job is to dispose of enemy personnel, to kill, PERIOD - trained to win - by attrition. (plus, they give you the coolest looking hat in the US Military once you graduate from the course)

Maybe you could do something a little less extreme. Maybe it means you see your friend LESS - but become even closer because of your shared experiences and your willingness to grab a fire extinguisher and help put out the fire instead of just posting dumpster fire videos to Instagram.

Who knows? You might like it. Good luck to your friend, and good luck to you as well, which ever path you choose to take.

Think about it. You were motivated enough to find this bulletin board and start asking questions - maybe now you can ask yourself a few questions:
-Is this choad named Box being serious? Is he just fucking with me? Is he trying to 'recruit' me into the Armed Forces of the United States of America? Is joining the military really something that would change my life? Is it more than I could handle? Is there really a future for someone like me in the US Military?
Are SF guys really as unbelievably talented and awe inspiring as this Box guy says they are?

Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, Yes...
...and you're damn right they are.
Good advice and no I can 100% say I will not be following in his steps haha. I don't have anywhere near what it takes. My finding this board is just genuine love, admiration, interest and concern for my friend. Like I said at the top he has always had my back and I want to support him as best I can if he goes this route.
 
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