What do/did you need?

[Houston19]

Hello all!

First off let me say that I am not a service member, but I am incredibly grateful for all that you amazing people do and have done. It is not lost on me that the comfort and freedoms I take for granted come with a price and you all are some of those who have paid/are paying it and I respect all of you beyond words.

I have an incredibly close friend who is strongly considering going into the SWCC pipeline. He is pretty far along with PST training, working towards MEPS, etc. When I say we are close I mean I am one of the only people who knows he is actively in the process for this. I found this site just doing general research on SWCC and what he might be getting himself into.

I know and understand that if he does this, our friendship will radically change. Months if not years without seeing each other and months of not having any interaction with him. My question for all of you is this: when you were serving/as you are serving, what are some things close friends have done or that you wish they had done for you? What are things you wish they had not done? Basically, I want to start preparing for how to be there for him and support him but I have no idea how to do that. Thoughts and prayers yes, but tangible things I have no idea.

Don't mean to be annoying or sappy, but he has always been there for me and I want to do the same for him.

Thanks!

 

[Ooh-Rah]

he has always been there for me and I want to do the same for him.

Have him join the site.

 

[amlove21]

Hello all!

...snip...

Thanks!

Holy shit, dude. Let me start by saying- good on you. What a fantastic question, and thanks for being self aware when asking. You get a +1.

Man, you're going to grow apart, that's the reality. He will become a completely different person immediately. His deeply held beliefs, his principles, that past relationship you have developed- that's all there. But he will live in a world with vastly different rules. Different priorities.

He's gonna have a team, and in the world of special operations, the team is sometimes closer to you than your family. You spend a 12 hour day with them at home, 24/7 when you're on the road or deploy. You spend countless hours killing time and learning the intimate details about your friend that form long-lasting and rich friendships. Bonds forged in adversity are the strongest bonds- friends I met in the military were my best mand and Godparents to my son; but my other best friend and fellow teammate married my wife and I. I love those men in every sense of the word (including for handies, gotta kiss the homies goodnight).

Also at that wedding was my other best friend (total of 3) in my life- a guy I bartended with and bounced with in Ohio. He gets along famously with the other two- he's the most normal NE Ohio dude ever. Browns fan. Works a 9-5. Father. I was living with Chaz and 3 other dudes as a 21-year-old, 24 years ago, when September 11, 2001, happened and I enlisted the next day. Left 3 months later.

I would say- dudes are gonna go out and conquer the world. You will too in your own way, he just got there first. I'll boil down bullet points cause we love some good formatting here.

• Hope for the success of the man.
• Always give him the truth from your perspective, even if it sucks for one of you.
• Don't treat him differently- coming back to Ohio and not having to talk about work, and just being with my bro was a welcome break from the life I was used to at work. The team is great, but a break from the team is necessary. Be that break, don't try and be on the team.
• Include the larger support system. You know the dude and can help him keep negative shit at arm's distance, but remember, there is a big world outside his bubble. Even just inviting some mutual friend out when he's back is actually a great bro move.
• (Unpopular) Go out and crush life, too. He's taking on what he's taking on to try and better himself in a big way. It's no easy task. I have friends that I have grown apart from because they were doing the same things they always did and I was crushing myself for a 9% shot at success. The one thing that's the real threat is if you grow apart to different levels. All my friends (military or not) are freaking KILLERS in their space. We compete with each other- it makes us all stronger. Be your own best version of yourself, he's trying to be and this is a team sport.

I'll cede the floor to some smarter dudes and dudettes- thanks for allowing me to blabber.

 

[amlove21]

Have him join the site.

And have him subscribe to @onesready

 

[Ooh-Rah]

And have him subscribe to @onesready

THIS!

 

[Topkick]

My question for all of you is this: when you were serving/as you are serving, what are some things close friends have done or that you wish they had done for you?

I think this is a very thoughtful post. You sound like a true friend. You'll likely hear differing experiences and I'm not great at being a friend, but when I left for the military I found out who my friends were very fast. Just take on the onus of staying in touch and understand that the military changes us, and that he'll be very busy. So dont be offended if he's not great about staying in touch in the early days.

 

[Houston19]

• Don't treat him differently- coming back to Ohio and not having to talk about work, and just being with my bro was a welcome break from the life I was used to at work. The team is great, but a break from the team is necessary. Be that break, don't try and be on the team.

This is a big one that I need guidance with tbh. He is prior service, not navy spec ops, and we did not know each other during that period of time. We have had very preliminary discussions about our friendship if he goes ahead with this and he asked me flat out not to treat him any different when he comes home or reaches out. I get that and I get him thinking that way because of his past experiences with people. But at the same time I have no idea how to do that lol. I understand he wouldn't be able to tell me much if anything about his work, but when you say "be that break" do you mean not ask him anything at all? Or just keep it very surface level unless he wants to go deeper? I don't want to pry but at the same time I don't want to make him feel like I'm not interested at all if that makes sense.

 

[Marauder06]

Have him join the site.

^ this

 

[Devildoc]

And have him subscribe to @onesready

First time I have laughed (literally spewed water) in 2 days. And from my heart, thank you.

@Houston19 , what amlove21 said, both about One's Ready, and his posts. To piggyback on bullet point number 5: you do you, and be the best version. Champion him, support him, love him, but do those for you, too.

 

[Houston19]

To piggyback on bullet point number 5: you do you, and be the best version. Champion him, support him, love him, but do those for you, too.

Yeah with him being prior service he is very military lol and so I had already thought through like okay when he comes home, calls, gets out whatever my life can't be a dumpster fire he needs me to have my shit together. Like I know him he would be lovingly pissed off at me if I didn't and would let me know haha. But I am glad to hear/see that that wasn't just my head.