WHAT DO YOU CALL A VENEZUELAN IN JAIL?

[AWP]

WHO GIVES A SHIT????!!!!! THAT SHITHEAD IS TRAPPED BUT YOU ARE NOT!!!!!! MONDAY IS HERE AND YOU CAN RUN TO A SAFEROOM OR PUSH ON TO THE X!!!!!! YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES BUT YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT BEING A LITTLE BITCH!!!!11!!!!!1! WOOOOO!!!!! YOU WANT TO BE THE MAN YOU GOTTA’ BEAT THE MAN BUT SOME OF YOU BEAT OFF OTHER MEN!!!!! NO JUDGEMENT, HOMO!!!!!!!!!

IS YOUR SOUL EMPTY LIKE A MINNESOTA DAYCARE????? ARE YOU WEAKER THAN AN 80-YEAR OLD’S DICK???? THEN MONDAY’S YOUR DAY BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE!!!!!!!!! GRAB THAT PILL FROM SOME SOCIAL MEDIA POP UP, INJECT WHATEVER STRAIGHT INTO YOUR LITTLE SOLDIER, WHATEVER YOU NEED TO HARDEN THE FUCK UP AND KILL THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!! BLAST IT LIKE AL QAEDA AT A MOSQUE, ALLAH WILL KNOW HIS OWN AND MONDAY WILL KNOW YOU AREN’T A LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!

YOUR CALL, BUT IMA ‘BOUT TO KOOL-AID MAN THIS DAY!!!!!!!! DON’T CALL ME FAT YOU OZEMPIC SHOOTING FUCK!!!!!!!!

MONDAY!!!! CALM LIKE A BOMB, RIGHT JAPAN?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

 

[Muppet]

WHO GIVES A SHIT????!!!!! THAT SHITHEAD IS TRAPPED BUT YOU ARE NOT!!!!!! MONDAY IS HERE AND YOU CAN RUN TO A SAFEROOM OR PUSH ON TO THE X!!!!!! YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES BUT YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT BEING A LITTLE BITCH!!!!11!!!!!1! WOOOOO!!!!! YOU WANT TO BE THE MAN YOU GOTTA’ BEAT THE MAN BUT SOME OF YOU BEAT OFF OTHER MEN!!!!! NO JUDGEMENT, HOMO!!!!!!!!!

IS YOUR SOUL EMPTY LIKE A MINNESOTA DAYCARE????? ARE YOU WEAKER THAN AN 80-YEAR OLD’S DICK???? THEN MONDAY’S YOUR DAY BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE!!!!!!!!! GRAB THAT PILL FROM SOME SOCIAL MEDIA POP UP, INJECT WHATEVER STRAIGHT INTO YOUR LITTLE SOLDIER, WHATEVER YOU NEED TO HARDEN THE FUCK UP AND KILL THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!! BLAST IT LIKE AL QAEDA AT A MOSQUE, ALLAH WILL KNOW HIS OWN AND MONDAY WILL KNOW YOU AREN’T A LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!

YOUR CALL, BUT IMA ‘BOUT TO KOOL-AID MAN THIS DAY!!!!!!!! DON’T CALL ME FAT YOU OZEMPIC SHOOTING FUCK!!!!!!!!

MONDAY!!!! CALM LIKE A BOMB, RIGHT JAPAN?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

 

[RackMaster]

 

[Devildoc]

I got chest pain reading that. I need to lay off the caffeine. And coke.

 

[Box]

WHO GIVES A SHIT????!!!!! THAT SHITHEAD IS TRAPPED BUT YOU ARE NOT!!!!!! MONDAY IS HERE AND YOU CAN RUN TO A SAFEROOM OR PUSH ON TO THE X!!!!!! YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FOREST FIRES BUT YOU AND ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT BEING A LITTLE BITCH!!!!11!!!!!1! WOOOOO!!!!! YOU WANT TO BE THE MAN YOU GOTTA’ BEAT THE MAN BUT SOME OF YOU BEAT OFF OTHER MEN!!!!! NO JUDGEMENT, HOMO!!!!!!!!!

IS YOUR SOUL EMPTY LIKE A MINNESOTA DAYCARE????? ARE YOU WEAKER THAN AN 80-YEAR OLD’S DICK???? THEN MONDAY’S YOUR DAY BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE!!!!!!!!! GRAB THAT PILL FROM SOME SOCIAL MEDIA POP UP, INJECT WHATEVER STRAIGHT INTO YOUR LITTLE SOLDIER, WHATEVER YOU NEED TO HARDEN THE FUCK UP AND KILL THIS DAY!!!!!!!!!! BLAST IT LIKE AL QAEDA AT A MOSQUE, ALLAH WILL KNOW HIS OWN AND MONDAY WILL KNOW YOU AREN’T A LITTLE BITCH!!!!!!!

YOUR CALL, BUT IMA ‘BOUT TO KOOL-AID MAN THIS DAY!!!!!!!! DON’T CALL ME FAT YOU OZEMPIC SHOOTING FUCK!!!!!!!!

MONDAY!!!! CALM LIKE A BOMB, RIGHT JAPAN?!?!?!!!!!!!!!

YES !!!
That’s the spirit !!!

AWP coming in HOT this Monday!
I can feel the drive – the passion – the intensity…
…the two-fisted rage needed to tackle Monday with full force.

Monday can’t be trifled with – it must be approached with focus, with positivity, with a clear mind, with raw determination, with sheer will power, and with energy. Mondays are tough, but they’re also a fresh start to set goals and make progress and I am here to give my pledge – to channel my energy into something productive and uplifting !!!

I can feel every ounce of Monday’s fire and fury.
I can feel it the way Chancellor Palpatine feels hatred coursing through an angry Jedi.

The aggression, the rage, the intensity; it’s a signal.
-A signal that somebody is about to slap the living shit out of Monday.
-A signal that Monday is about to get smacked in the lips.

Sometimes a man (or woman – I’m not here to assume gender) just needs to scream into the void, stare down the abyss, and shout into Mondays face: I’m alive and I’m about to deal with Monday the same way a tyrannical dictator deals with another tyrannical dictator…
…by snatching his sleepy ass out of his bed in the middle of the night and dressing him up in a poorly fitted Nike sweatsuit !!!

It’s not about fighting the entire world; it’s about fighting your inner self. I’ve got this, Monday – and I'm putting you on blast because I’m an unstoppable life force.
My life force is 50% motivational drill sergeant, 50% unhinged psychotic life coach, and 50% dope smoking Greek Philosopher !!!

‘NOT TODAY, MONDAY!’
…not today mother fucker !!!

But hey, let’s not forget, sometimes aggression is just our inner child throwing a tantrum because it didn’t get its nap. And that’s okay! Let it out, stomp around, punch a metaphorical wall, and then channel all that big, fiery energy into something productive. We are ready to take on Monday. Ready to “Kool-Aid Man” our way straight through Mondays emotional wall…
…just don’t forget to stretch; we don’t want to pull a muscle while we’re out there conquering the universe."

-Take a knee.
-Face out.
-Drink water.

In conclusion, fuck you Monday.
Fuck you right in your stupid ass.

 

[Marauder06]

Box just out-Monday'd AWP.

 

[Muppet]

YES !!!
That’s the spirit !!!

AWP coming in HOT this Monday!
I can feel the drive – the passion – the intensity…
…the two-fisted rage needed to tackle Monday with full force.

Monday can’t be trifled with – it must be approached with focus, with positivity, with a clear mind, with raw determination, with sheer will power, and with energy. Mondays are tough, but they’re also a fresh start to set goals and make progress and I am here to give my pledge – to channel my energy into something productive and uplifting !!!

I can feel every ounce of Monday’s fire and fury.
I can feel it the way Chancellor Palpatine feels hatred coursing through an angry Jedi.

The aggression, the rage, the intensity; it’s a signal.
-A signal that somebody is about to slap the living shit out of Monday.
-A signal that Monday is about to get smacked in the lips.

Sometimes a man (or woman – I’m not here to assume gender) just needs to scream into the void, stare down the abyss, and shout into Mondays face: I’m alive and I’m about to deal with Monday the same way a tyrannical dictator deals with another tyrannical dictator…
…by snatching his sleepy ass out of his bed in the middle of the night and dressing him up in a poorly fitted Nike sweatsuit !!!

It’s not about fighting the entire world; it’s about fighting your inner self. I’ve got this, Monday – and I'm putting you on blast because I’m an unstoppable life force.
My life force is 50% motivational drill sergeant, 50% unhinged psychotic life coach, and 50% dope smoking Greek Philosopher !!!

‘NOT TODAY, MONDAY!’
…not today mother fucker !!!

But hey, let’s not forget, sometimes aggression is just our inner child throwing a tantrum because it didn’t get its nap. And that’s okay! Let it out, stomp around, punch a metaphorical wall, and then channel all that big, fiery energy into something productive. We are ready to take on Monday. Ready to “Kool-Aid Man” our way straight through Mondays emotional wall…
…just don’t forget to stretch; we don’t want to pull a muscle while we’re out there conquering the universe."

-Take a knee.
-Face out.
-Drink water.

In conclusion, fuck you Monday.
Fuck you right in your stupid ass.

 

[Muppet]

YES !!!
That’s the spirit !!!

AWP coming in HOT this Monday!
I can feel the drive – the passion – the intensity…
…the two-fisted rage needed to tackle Monday with full force.

Monday can’t be trifled with – it must be approached with focus, with positivity, with a clear mind, with raw determination, with sheer will power, and with energy. Mondays are tough, but they’re also a fresh start to set goals and make progress and I am here to give my pledge – to channel my energy into something productive and uplifting !!!

I can feel every ounce of Monday’s fire and fury.
I can feel it the way Chancellor Palpatine feels hatred coursing through an angry Jedi.

The aggression, the rage, the intensity; it’s a signal.
-A signal that somebody is about to slap the living shit out of Monday.
-A signal that Monday is about to get smacked in the lips.

Sometimes a man (or woman – I’m not here to assume gender) just needs to scream into the void, stare down the abyss, and shout into Mondays face: I’m alive and I’m about to deal with Monday the same way a tyrannical dictator deals with another tyrannical dictator…
…by snatching his sleepy ass out of his bed in the middle of the night and dressing him up in a poorly fitted Nike sweatsuit !!!

It’s not about fighting the entire world; it’s about fighting your inner self. I’ve got this, Monday – and I'm putting you on blast because I’m an unstoppable life force.
My life force is 50% motivational drill sergeant, 50% unhinged psychotic life coach, and 50% dope smoking Greek Philosopher !!!

‘NOT TODAY, MONDAY!’
…not today mother fucker !!!

But hey, let’s not forget, sometimes aggression is just our inner child throwing a tantrum because it didn’t get its nap. And that’s okay! Let it out, stomp around, punch a metaphorical wall, and then channel all that big, fiery energy into something productive. We are ready to take on Monday. Ready to “Kool-Aid Man” our way straight through Mondays emotional wall…
…just don’t forget to stretch; we don’t want to pull a muscle while we’re out there conquering the universe."

-Take a knee.
-Face out.
-Drink water.

In conclusion, fuck you Monday.
Fuck you right in your stupid ass.

Fuck me sideways with a rusty dildo, you or @AWP need to write my memoirs.

 

[Box]

Fuck me sideways with a rusty dildo, you or @AWP need to write my memoirs.

Memoirs?
How about we skip the memoirs and take your story straight to Hollywood…
…in fact, I’m thinking we could get Steve martin to play the lead role

"The Muppet" is a faithfully produced BioPic about a retired paratrooper, aging into his 50’s.

The story follows the absurd and hilarious journey of ‘Muppet’, a lovable but dangerous paratrooper who struggles to find his place in the world after leaving his military career behind. A classic "rags-to-riches" story; filled with slapstick humor, ridiculous situations, and of course, Steve Martin’s signature comedic style as he gives an Oscar worthy performance as Muppet McMuppetson.

Muppet begins the story as the adopted son of poor Mississippi sharecroppers. Despite being raised in a loving environment, Muppet feels out of place because he is a paratrooper that lacks rhythm, which he believes is essential to fitting in with his family. On his birthday, he hears a cheesy elevator-style tune on the radio and realizes he can snap his fingers to the beat. This revelation that he is actually a closeted Nickelback fan inspires him to leave home and search for his "special purpose" in life, even though he’s already lived a full life as a paratrooper.

Muppet hitchhikes to St. Louis, where he finds work at a "gas station" owned by an Afghan War Profiteer. Muppets naivety and military-style discipline lead to a series of comedic mishaps, including a failed assassination attempt by a deranged sniper (loosely based on a former West Point Professor) who randomly picks Muppet out of the phone book. Muppet survives the attack thanks to his quick reflexes and inadvertently invents a product called the "Tacti-Grab," a handle for tactical eyewear that prevents them from slipping down on the nose while also allowing tactical operators to adjust their ballistic eyepro without taking off their custom made hybrid neoprene and kevlar fabric tactical gloves.

Little does Muppet realize – this invention will change his life…

Muppet’s journey takes him to a carnival, where he falls in love with a sweet and quirky woman who shares his eccentric outlook on life as well as his love for Gourmet “Pizza-In-A-Cup”. Their romance blossoms, and Muppet’s optimism and innocence shine through, despite his gruff exterior and military past. However, Muppet’s life takes a dramatic turn when his Tacti-Grab invention becomes a massive success, making him a millionaire overnight. As Muppet enjoys his newfound wealth, he indulges in extravagant purchases and lives a lavish lifestyle, including buying absurd items like a gold-plated parachute and a mansion shaped like a boot camp barracks.

Muppets success is short-lived. A class-action lawsuit is filed against him when users of the Tacti-Grab pti-Grab claim it causes them to become cross-eyed. Muppet loses his fortune and is left penniless, forcing him to wander the streets in despair. In the end, Muppet reunites with the love of his life who stands by him despite his ups and downs. He returns to his adoptive family and begins posting snippets of his life on an obscure bulletin board. He finally realizes that true happiness lies in the love and support of those who care about him the most.

The film concludes with Muppet finding contentment in his humble roots, surrounded by his family and friends.



...you're welcome

 

[Crusader74]

 

[RackMaster]

Memoirs?
How about we skip the memoirs and take your story straight to Hollywood…
…in fact, I’m thinking we could get Steve martin to play the lead role

"The Muppet" is a faithfully produced BioPic about a retired paratrooper, aging into his 50’s.

The story follows the absurd and hilarious journey of ‘Muppet’, a lovable but dangerous paratrooper who struggles to find his place in the world after leaving his military career behind. A classic "rags-to-riches" story; filled with slapstick humor, ridiculous situations, and of course, Steve Martin’s signature comedic style as he gives an Oscar worthy performance as Muppet McMuppetson.

Muppet begins the story as the adopted son of poor Mississippi sharecroppers. Despite being raised in a loving environment, Muppet feels out of place because he is a paratrooper that lacks rhythm, which he believes is essential to fitting in with his family. On his birthday, he hears a cheesy elevator-style tune on the radio and realizes he can snap his fingers to the beat. This revelation that he is actually a closeted Nickelback fan inspires him to leave home and search for his "special purpose" in life, even though he’s already lived a full life as a paratrooper.

Muppet hitchhikes to St. Louis, where he finds work at a "gas station" owned by an Afghan War Profiteer. Muppets naivety and military-style discipline lead to a series of comedic mishaps, including a failed assassination attempt by a deranged sniper (loosely based on a former West Point Professor) who randomly picks Muppet out of the phone book. Muppet survives the attack thanks to his quick reflexes and inadvertently invents a product called the "Tacti-Grab," a handle for tactical eyewear that prevents them from slipping down on the nose while also allowing tactical operators to adjust their ballistic eyepro without taking off their custom made hybrid neoprene and kevlar fabric tactical gloves.

Little does Muppet realize – this invention will change his life…

Muppet’s journey takes him to a carnival, where he falls in love with a sweet and quirky woman who shares his eccentric outlook on life as well as his love for Gourmet “Pizza-In-A-Cup”. Their romance blossoms, and Muppet’s optimism and innocence shine through, despite his gruff exterior and military past. However, Muppet’s life takes a dramatic turn when his Tacti-Grab invention becomes a massive success, making him a millionaire overnight. As Muppet enjoys his newfound wealth, he indulges in extravagant purchases and lives a lavish lifestyle, including buying absurd items like a gold-plated parachute and a mansion shaped like a boot camp barracks.

Muppets success is short-lived. A class-action lawsuit is filed against him when users of the Tacti-Grab pti-Grab claim it causes them to become cross-eyed. Muppet loses his fortune and is left penniless, forcing him to wander the streets in despair. In the end, Muppet reunites with the love of his life who stands by him despite his ups and downs. He returns to his adoptive family and begins posting snippets of his life on an obscure bulletin board. He finally realizes that true happiness lies in the love and support of those who care about him the most.

The film concludes with Muppet finding contentment in his humble roots, surrounded by his family and friends.



...you're welcome

I don't want to out what Muppet looks like...

But I think Fred Armisen could break out his skull cap and be more fitting.

 

[Box]

...I think Fred Armisen could break out his skull cap and be more fitting.

That's on the casting director - I'm just a script writer.

 

[Muppet]

 

[AWP]

This is my hat now.

 

[policemedic]

Box just out-Monday'd AWP.

Well, @AWP was Signal so it’s not like it was a huge flex or anything….

 

[Topkick]

Memoirs?
How about we skip the memoirs and take your story straight to Hollywood…
…in fact, I’m thinking we could get Steve martin to play the lead role

"The Muppet" is a faithfully produced BioPic about a retired paratrooper, aging into his 50’s.

The Rock should play Muppet...