Is there any chance that a DD214 might have special ops info left off?

[David Davis]

More clarification. He can't just stop talking about it. He's in a business where he and his wife are constantly meeting new people. She is so proud of his "accomplishments" that she always brings the topic up. If he doesn't come clean with her, he's going to need to have some sort of way to deal with the topic. Humiliating a man in front of his wife is serious business. I'd be remiss not to try to find an alternative path.

 

[Marine0311]

More clarification. He can't just stop talking about it. He's in a business where he and his wife are constantly meeting new people. She is so proud of his "accomplishments" that she always brings the topic up. If he doesn't come clean with her, he's going to need to have some sort of way to deal with the topic. Humiliating a man in front of his wife is serious business. I'd be remiss not to try to find an alternative path.

So don't do that then. Do it privately first and see what happens. It seems like you're talking in circles here.

 

[David Davis]

So don't do that then. Do it privately first and see what happens. It seems like you're talking in circles here.

Not talking in circles. We posted at the same time. I was not replying to your post but just adding to my previous one.

 

[TLDR20]

Talk to him privately. He needs to clarify his experience with his wife.

 

[CDG]

You know how you get in these situations where you're so deep you don't see an easy way out? You start walking down that path in the first place. He's not a victim. He's a liar, and a poser. His wife is a human being too, and deserves to know. His business partners/clients deserve to know. Whether officially acknowledged or not, his false claims of military service will have positively influenced his business. Private talk, but it should be firm and he should be given a deadline to come clean. Up to him how it plays from that point.

 

[AWP]

How unethical would it be for me to offer coach him a bit in how to make his overall story less glaringly false and less likely to reflect poorly on the US govt. when he talks to people who already have heard his tall tales?

Wait, you want to help him soften his lie so that people aren't hurt?

If you did that in court you'd go to jail. Do that anywhere else and you're part of the problem.

 

[Gunz]

He dug his own fucking hole. Nice guy? He's been lying to the people who love him. He needs to man the fuck up start telling the truth and admit that he lied. To everybody. And apologize. Yes, it takes balls to do that, to admit you've been living a lie at the expense of other men who've risked or sacrificed their lives doing it for real. Maybe--just maybe--his loving wife will be able to respect him for DOING THE RIGHT FUCKING THING. Or...maybe she'll divorce his ass. Your reap what you fucking sow. Take the consequences of your deceit.

You will find little sympathy for posers on this forum. We have friends who've been maimed and crippled, we've had brothers who were killed in combat. Some of us are still dealing with the effects of our wounds. Fuck him.

 

[Brill]

Is she hot?

Kiss my ass you wankers! You too were wondering!

 

[Marauder06]

I'm wondering about how to handle the situation. This particular poser is a really nice guy, and he's not doing anything to profit from it.

He is, though. He's profiting from the adulation of accomplishments he never achieved, ones that the rest of us sweated, bled, and some of us died for. That's not something a "nice guy" does, that's something that someone who is either mentally impaired, or is an asshole, does.

I don't really want to wreck her image of her husband or wreck his standing in the circle of friends he has built. For that matter, I like the guy and admire the real things I see him doing. I suggested that he come clean as part of the steps in a 12 step that he's in. He didn't shut me down or get defensive, nor did he admit. I was thinking about a different tactic.

Some people deserve to be wrecked...

How unethical would it be for me to offer coach him a bit in how to make his overall story less glaringly false and less likely to reflect poorly on the US govt. when he talks to people who already have heard his tall tales? For instance, I could suggest that instead of alluding to "enhanced interrogation" when the subject of his PTSD comes up, he could just say something that would be honest today like "I got into something I shouldn't have and don't really like talking about about my military experience." That would be honest and it would sound like somthing a vet might say. I'm sure he would prefer not to talk about his military experience as reflected on his DD214. Similarly, I was thinking I could encourage him to say things like "I like shooting, but I'm trying to forget that I ever even thought about sniping" instead of "I was a hell of a shot at a mile and half. We used to say 'you can run but you will just die tired.'"

HIGHLY unethical. Don't help a guy be a better poser.

Anyway, if I can't get him to come clean, or if he needs more time to reach the point where he can, would it be wrong to steer him toward inoccuous, "I don't want to talk about it anymore" type statements?

Confrontation is usually the only way to make someone come clean, and to avoid an even worse train wreck in the future.

 

[Red Flag 1]

There is something about himself that he does not like, and he may not even know what that is. Stay at arms length until he can deal with you without lies. The big danger is that he may begin to grow his story. In that case, you do not want to become part of that. His wife will have to make up her own mind. She may be an enabler, and thinks she can fix him. This is a huge can of worms, and you don't want to be around if and when it goes ugly.

PM inbound.

 

[Gunz]

Is she hot?

Kiss my ass you wankers! You too were wondering!

You mean hot like Wolf of Wall Street when she finds out he's broke and going to jail?

 

[David Davis]

Thought I'd find help here. Thanks for helping me clarify my own thoughts.

 

[David Davis]

I showed him this thread. He came clean. Thank you all for your help!

 

[Gunz]

Somebody would've busted him sooner or later. And the longer it went on, the worse it would've been when it all came crashing down. You can't lie to your family, man. And it takes a real man to stand up and admit he's made a fool of himself. Good for him. You tell him he did the right thing. Hopefully his family and the community will respect him even more for telling the truth.

 

[Marine0311]

I showed him this thread. He came clean. Thank you all for your help!

How so?

 

[David Davis]

How so?

Pretty simple. I thought the things you guys said here were more poignant than anything I could say, so I texted him the links to this thread. He promptly texted back "PRT failure. Never made it past boot camp. Sorry I lied to you." His wife called shortly thereafter letting me know he had told her and showed her this thread. I wish we could have refrained from the "Is she hot" stuff.

I say he's a good man who made a mistake and owned up to it. I respect that and I think his wife does too. Thanks again for the help. I didn't sleep for several days and I never lose sleep. This whole thing made me feel so insecure that I felt like I needed to prove to my own wife that I wasn't a poser. Spent hours trying to convince her before she reminded me that she lived it with me and saw it herself.

 

[Marine0311]

Pretty simple. I thought the things you guys said here were more poignant than anything I could say, so I texted him the links to this thread. He promptly texted back "PRT failure. Never made it past boot camp. Sorry I lied to you." His wife called shortly thereafter letting me know he had told her and showed her this thread. I wish we could have refrained from the "Is she hot" stuff.

I say he's a good man who made a mistake and owned up to it. I respect that and I think his wife does too. Thanks again for the help. I didn't sleep for several days and I never lose sleep. This whole thing made me feel so insecure that I felt like I needed to prove to my own wife that I wasn't a poser. Spent hours trying to convince her before she reminded me that she lived it with me and saw it herself.

Good to go.

 

[Red Flag 1]

Pretty simple. I thought the things you guys said here were more poignant than anything I could say, so I texted him the links to this thread. He promptly texted back "PRT failure. Never made it past boot camp. Sorry I lied to you." His wife called shortly thereafter letting me know he had told her and showed her this thread. I wish we could have refrained from the "Is she hot" stuff.

I say he's a good man who made a mistake and owned up to it. I respect that and I think his wife does too. Thanks again for the help. I didn't sleep for several days and I never lose sleep. This whole thing made me feel so insecure that I felt like I needed to prove to my own wife that I wasn't a poser. Spent hours trying to convince her before she reminded me that she lived it with me and saw it herself.

I like the ending here.

ETA. This is not typical.

 

[Kraut783]

I wish we could have refrained from the "Is she hot" stuff.

When you play, you pay.

 

[Teufel]

The banks of integrity, honor and fidelity are great institutions to invest in. You can deposit into them forever but can only withdraw from them once.