Rate Of Uninformed Conversations About Navy SEALs Skyrockets

JustAnotherJ

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Rate Of Uninformed Conversations About Navy SEALs Skyrockets
05.11.11
WASHINGTON—The frequency and detail of uninformed conversations about the required strength, agility, and killing abilities of the Navy SEALs has increased exponentially since the SEAL-led operation to kill Osama bin Laden, Pentagon officials told reporters Monday. “Since last week, the number of people who have incorrectly stated that all SEAL members must do 300 pull-ups in a minute, earn advanced calculus degrees from MIT, and be able to hold their breath underwater for an hour, has been extraordinarily high,” said Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell, adding that the comment, “I heard you need to be able shoot a quarter from a mile away after running for four hours straight,” has been idiotically uttered in more than 65 percent of discussions related to the military operation. “Just to set the record straight: Navy SEALs are allowed to talk to their families. Ninety percent of them do not die during training. And members of SEAL Team Six did not have to fight and kill a tiger shark in order to be admitted.” Morrell added that current enlistment numbers couldn’t possibly account for the number of Americans claiming they have an uncle in the Navy SEALs.

Hah!
 

Servimus

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http://onion.com/iulVDq
Rate Of Uninformed Conversations About Navy SEALs Skyrockets
05.11.11
WASHINGTON—The frequency and detail of uninformed conversations about the required strength, agility, and killing abilities of the Navy SEALs has increased exponentially since the SEAL-led operation to kill Osama bin Laden, Pentagon officials told reporters Monday. “Since last week, the number of people who have incorrectly stated that all SEAL members must do 300 pull-ups in a minute, earn advanced calculus degrees from MIT, and be able to hold their breath underwater for an hour, has been extraordinarily high,” said Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell, adding that the comment, “I heard you need to be able shoot a quarter from a mile away after running for four hours straight,” has been idiotically uttered in more than 65 percent of discussions related to the military operation. “Just to set the record straight: Navy SEALs are allowed to talk to their families. Ninety percent of them do not die during training. And members of SEAL Team Six did not have to fight and kill a tiger shark in order to be admitted.” Morrell added that current enlistment numbers couldn’t possibly account for the number of Americans claiming they have an uncle in the Navy SEALs.

Hah!
Ironically enough, this is probably the most factually accurate article written by the Onion.
 

Servimus

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What do you mean?

The onion is always accurate. I was AT the Ninja parade a few years back. Wasn't pretty.
I thought nobody spotted him??

Though I gotta agree- Onion is pretty accurate. Remember when Congress suspended session? This happened not too long after the Marlins got the deal for the new stadium. lol

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-threatens-to-leave-dc-unless-new-capitol,98/

(Favorite part about that article is that the Chinese took it for real and blasted the US in their media...lmao)
 

Budha

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http://onion.com/iulVDq
Rate Of Uninformed Conversations About Navy SEALs Skyrockets
05.11.11
WASHINGTON—The frequency and detail of uninformed conversations about the required strength, agility, and killing abilities of the Navy SEALs has increased exponentially since the SEAL-led operation to kill Osama bin Laden, Pentagon officials told reporters Monday. “Since last week, the number of people who have incorrectly stated that all SEAL members must do 300 pull-ups in a minute, earn advanced calculus degrees from MIT, and be able to hold their breath underwater for an hour, has been extraordinarily high,” said Pentagon press secretary Geoff Morrell, adding that the comment, “I heard you need to be able shoot a quarter from a mile away after running for four hours straight,” has been idiotically uttered in more than 65 percent of discussions related to the military operation. “Just to set the record straight: Navy SEALs are allowed to talk to their families. Ninety percent of them do not die during training. And members of SEAL Team Six did not have to fight and kill a tiger shark in order to be admitted.” Morrell added that current enlistment numbers couldn’t possibly account for the number of Americans claiming they have an uncle in the Navy SEALs.

Hah!
I freakin love the onion. They're more accurate than most "real news" agencies.:rolleyes:
 

x SF med

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What do you mean?

The onion is always accurate. I was AT the Ninja parade a few years back. Wasn't pretty.

We now have to kill you, twice, and cut your head off, burn your body and then send your decapitated noggin into the sun to destroy it... you don't talk about Ninja parade, ever.... :mad: Don't worry, you'll never even know you are dead it'll happen that quickly, and we will replace you with a doppelganger that would fool even your wife, mother and Team Sergeant.... Then we'll talk about the real punishment... banishment. :sneaky:
 

georgiamxer45

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Well absolutely,,,,,,and this is done wearin only flip flops and Oakley's, and armed with only a Q-tip and one chem-lite,,,,,,,this whole ST6 thing has gotten to the WTF stage,,,,,we have single mothers out there wantin to go to BUD/s,,,,,,not to mention EVERY bar tender in town was a sniper with 6,,,,,gotta love it!!
 

Pistol_Pete

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Don't forget, they were also wearing CMFM shorts along with the flip-flops and Oakley's :D Seriously though, ball busting aside, good job guys. I worked with SEALs as have others. They are the same mentality and people basically, they just get to hang out on the beach more, lucky stiffs.
 
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