Storytime

[Marauder06]

Some posts made by people like @Gunz @Bypass and others in recent days made me think that it would be useful to have a catch-all thread for people to share short stories vs. starting another thread or having a good story buried in an unrelated thread.

While this will probably just be military-related stories, the intent is not to restrict it to that. If you have a short story to tell, feel free to do it here. Or cross-post it here from another thread. If it's something that you think others would be interested in hearing, it now has a home.




@Ooh-Rah would it be possible to make this a stickie in this thread so that people don't have to go digging for it when they want to contribute?

 

[Ooh-Rah]

While this will probably just be military-related stories, the intent is not to restrict it to that. If you have a short story to tell, feel free to do it here. Or cross-post it here from another thread. If it's something that you think others would be interested in hearing, it now has a home.

It’s a cool idea. Many of the stories told here happen organically within other threads, where appropriate I’ll move some of those conversations to here.

 

[AWP]

I have to say, given the OP's history with "Case Studies" I expected this to go in a different direction...

 

[Muppet]

I was home on block leave after Saudi in 97. I link up with my best friend, Mitri, who is in the guard, eventually, he goes OCS and just retired a light bird a few years back.

Anyhow, we are chilling, getting drunk, telling war stories. He falls asleep, his sister, Claudine, who has great fun bags, oh, BTW, they are Lebanese Christians.

Anyhow, her and I get to talking, then, we get to bumping uglies. Mitri catches us and gets mad that I'm fucking his big boobed sister.

Fast forward a few days, a few of us are linking up and we have the bright idea to call a friend from school, Anna. She gets to talking that she wants a foursome with Mitri, me, another dude mitri knows and her.

I'm all for it because at that age and post deployment with booze in my system, I'm acting the fucking degenerate.

Mitri refuses (cock blocking fucker), probably payback for me slamming his sister.

Anna tells us we can keep our socks on, he says no, she refuses to do anything without all of us.

What a let down.

But, I fucked Claudine.

 

[Box]

There I was...
...at my local Walmart Neighborhood Market
...picking up some ingredients for a spaghetti dinner

As I made my way down one aisle, I passed a chubby dude that was wearing a red hoodie - thought little of it - after all, he didn't really even acknowledge my presence and continued staring blankly at whatever on the shelf had his attention.
He had a haircut and that patchy 'Joe Dirt' style facial hair that just gave off a vibe that he MIGHT (or might not - trying hard not to judge) spend a lot of time in his parents basement.
...moving on

I collected the rest of my items and just before heading to checkout, I fielded a text from HH6 - "get some bread, some lunch meat and some cheese"
...on it
Then as I reached into the cooler to grab a package of mesquite smoked thin sliced roast turkey, I heard a distinct, "What was that?"
Is someone talking to me?
No...
...of course not

I looked up and there was red-hoodie guy, further down the aisle on the other side - he had stopped and after looking back over his shoulder he calmly stated, "did you say something?"

I dropped my package of Sargento, Aged Swiss Cheese Slices, into my cart and wondered if this weirdo was talking to me (as there were several others in the vicinity even thogh none of us were actually well positioned to be the target of his chatter)
...he backed up several feet and looked oddly at the shelf - "Where you talking to me buddy"

WHO IN THE FUCK IS THIS GUY TALKING TO ???

I should have just minded my own business and transited the area enroute to the checkout counter - but I could not. I needed to see this through...
...red-hoodie dude leaned in and secured a frozen pizza from the shelf
...red-hoodie dude leaned in and held this frozen pizza "close" like he had just picked up a stray dog
..."What's that, you want to come home with me?"
..."You sure are a cute little fella"
All the while, red hoodie guy seemed oblivious to anyone or anything around him - but the frozen pizza.

At this point I decided that it was time for me to initiate exfil before the encounter escalates - I had arrived at my local Walmart Neighborhood Market direct from work and since I cannot "carry" on the installation, I was unarmed and felt like it was time to complete my task, purchase my items, and return home.

I went to the bread aisle, grabbed some bread, and decided that watching this oddball talk to pizza was worthy of a bottle of wine to go with my spaghetti dinner...
...as I entered the self checkout to tally and pay for my purchases, I saw him: two stations over but now he had TWO frozen pizzas in his cart

I've never seen anyone look or act so happy to take home frozen pizza from Walmart


That is all.

 

[Devildoc]

This is a great idea, and honestly could lead to some catharsis for some people. I have funny stories, tragic stories, stories that make you think. I am not unique in this I know, just comes with getting old.

@Muppet reminded me of something that happened in college in 1990.

...... oh, BTW, they are Lebanese Christians.

I was a poli sci major, we had two Lebanese study-abroad students, girls, in a couple of my poli sci classes as they were also poli sci majors, at wherever their school was in Lebanon. I don't know if they were Christians, Muslim, Druid, or what.

Over the course of the semester we all ended up at the same parties, so I chatted with them a lot. Girl 1 was extroverted, dressed western, a real partier. Girl 2 was much more quiet, dressed conservatively, didn't drink at all. Yin and yang those two.

At a party near the end of the semester I was chatting with girl 2 since, although a partier, I was (am) introvert. We went somewhere quiet to talk because it was just too loud. One thing led to another and we had marvelous sex. She was not shy then; nor did she seem particularly embarrassed about it after.

They left to go back at the end of the fall semester, and we still chatted quite a bit. She was cool. Fast forward to the middle-ish of the spring semester 1991, the semester I graduate, I am in class and a campus cop comes to the door after class and asks to speak with me. So in the hallway he said a couple guys at the station wanted to talk with me and asked if I'd ride with him. My Spidey senses start to tangle (my freshman year I was falsely accused of stealing a car so I had history with the campus police. If anyone is ever interested I will share that story, too).

So I hop in the 1980-something police Crown Vic and we ride the however many block to the campus police station. The cops were very nice, nothing alarming, but what the fuck? We go in, we go to a small conference room, there are three guys in suits, introduce themselves as from the Raleigh FBI field office, asked me if they could ask some questions. Ummmmmm....OK.

Special Agent Dude shows me a pic of a girl, asks me if I know her. Yeah, she looked familiar, but not sure. The girl is dressed in ME garb, face half-wrapped. SA Dude 2 asks, do I know, did I know, a girl named blahbity-blah. I was like, "yeah, that rings a bell, she was a study-abroad girl from Lebanon." Did the girl in the pic look like her? Fog is lifting, I responded, hell yeah, I think that's her.

They look at each other, asks me if I had ever been a part of any pro-Lebanese/anti-Israel groups or anti-American groups. Now I am stunned. I've no clue what's going on. I said no, of course not. I asked what was going on.

SA Dude 1 says the girl was a known terrorist in Lebanon, they said she tried to radicalize people in the US when she was here, or gt them to join their movement. She never, ever, once mentioned anything political or controversial. Aside from sex once it was all surfacy shit-chat.

They were like, cool, we're good, we have what we need, and had the cop drive me to my apartment. That was the first time I had any interaction with the FBI, and they seemed satisfied I wasn't a terrorist or whatever sympathizer. I never heard another word about it. I sometimes wonder if I had been a target of a honeypot op and found unworthy lol.

 

[Cookie_]

We’re telling degen stories now? I’ll share my favorite one I’ve witnessed.

Spoiler: NSFW

We’re at Camp Dodge (IA) for AT. CO gives freedom to go into Des Moines on Saturday night with two rules: Nobody gets arrested, and nobody does anything that makes the Army (or him) look bad. He assigns the XO and LT as DDs, then tells us he wants everyone back by 0100.

We shove 25 troops into a 15 PAX van and make our way to downtown. The first thing I see unfurling myself from the back is a giant pride flag flying from a 3-story building There are two girls walking by in “rave-attire”, so I ask them what’s going on. They tell me that the building is a local gay bar/nightclub running a Pride month event: free entry, half-off drafts/well drinks, and drag shows every other hour.

I tell my platoon of 16 we should all try to meet up there around 2300 for the last call/pick-up. Some of the guys dislike the idea of the gay club, until I mention that drinks are half off, gay bars are already known for notoriously strong pours, and that a bunch of straight women will be there. This wins the group over.

The platoon breaks off to go start their nights. Two (T and S) head towards a country bar, two (A and F) want to go “try our people’s (Mexican) food up here”, and the rest follow me to go get sushi.

After sushi we see A and F coming up the street; they’ve both acquired reflective rainbow fanny packs somehow. They walk up to our group and start pulling condoms, dental dams, and lube out of the fanny packs. They were walking past another gay bar on their way to link back up with us when some guy called them the “cutest beaner couple I’ve seen all night” and offered them shots of tequila. That guy was a local volunteer passing out prophylactics to people at that bar. As A and F described it, “He said the big bar is a good place that all sorts of people go to. If we go back to that bar, a dude is 100% gonna grab your dick.”

The platoon splits up to go do more exploring/drinking. I got a call from P and Q, telling me they found a free silent disco that’s nearby. I head over there, and P introduces me to a person he calls “Sam”, who shakes my hand and says “Samuel, but Sam is fine too”. Sam has a buzzed head, glasses, chin stubble, and is wearing denim overalls. Sam also has a feminine face/voice and taped down/binded titties. Put two and two together and figure Sam is trans-FTM. Whatever. A and F show up, and we party until the disco ends at 2200.

P comes over and asks me if I want to come to Sam’s car with him, Q, and F. Apparently, Sam said they “are horny and want as much dick as they can take.” I politely decline. I head towards the gay bar and start getting calls from A. He is drunkenly lost somewhere downtown and needs me to find him. He calls me back, but this time, there’s a woman on the phone; “Hey, your friend is over here at (location) and seems pretty stressed; I’m gonna give him some ketamine to calm down.” I tell her not to do that and ask her to escort him to the gay bar; lucky for us, that’s where she was headed when she found him.

This woman (whose name I’ve forgotten) shows up with A. He disappears upstairs to go get a drink. I drink with her and her friends until P, Q, and F show up. P tells me Sam blew him and then threw up on F, so they just drove “her” home and got a cab back here. I tell P, “You know Sam was trans, right?” to which P pauses, then says, “There was still a pussy, so I guess I’m queer now.” With that he also disappears to go grab drinks. Nothing crazy happens until we leave. I can’t contact the LT, so we take an Uber back.

We get in the uber and the LT starts calling me. Two of my guys (T and S) are missing from the country bar. According to the guys she picked up, “S told T they needed to start heading back, and T just sprinted out the door; S went after him”. Try to call S and his phone is dead. Call T and he picks up; it sounds like he’s running. Ask him what’s going on and he says, “S said it was time to go back, so I’m running back now”. Tell him he needs to stop and send me a pin of where he is. It’s 5 miles from the bar and is currently outside of a hotel. I told him to stay there because the LT is on the way. Shoot the info to the LT and wait. She calls me back, because T cannot be found and won’t answer his phone. Call him again and now he’s whispering when he picks up. T is hiding in a bush outside of the hotel because he “doesn’t want anyone to see a drunk soldier outside; the commander said don’t bring discredit to the army.

He's a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.

LT picks up T and brings him back. Still no answers from S. I stay up until the LT gets back so I can help put T to bed. LT shows up and the guys in the van are carrying T, who has a swollen red face. The LT tells me the other guys (all drunk) decided they needed to “keep track of his pulse” since he kept passing out. They lost the pulse and made the LT pull over so they could sternum rub T awake, which just turned into one of the mechanics bitch-slapping him until he regained consciousness.

Literally, as the LT finishes her story, S calls me. He tells me his phone died while he was chasing T, and he was lost, so he walked into a bar and asked if somebody would let him charge his phone. A couple in there told him they lived nearby and would let him charge his phone in their apartment if he bought them a six-pack. He somehow saw no red flags with this, so he agreed. The woman was trying to get him to do coke, and the man had asked if he was interested in a “bi-flexible” threesome.

LT and I leave to save S. We get there, and he is outside with the couple. He sees the van and starts sprinting towards us, jumping in the back and yelling for us to leave. He told the couple he had friends who were down for an orgy and willing to bring ecstasy. That was enough for them to drink and smoke with him until we arrived.

The three of us roll back around 330. The CO is outside waiting. All he wants to know is if anyone will hit the blotter/needs to be bailed out of jail.

 

[Muppet]

There I was...
...at my local Walmart Neighborhood Market
...picking up some ingredients for a spaghetti dinner

As I made my way down one aisle, I passed a chubby dude that was wearing a red hoodie - thought little of it - after all, he didn't really even acknowledge my presence and continued staring blankly at whatever on the shelf had his attention.
He had a haircut and that patchy 'Joe Dirt' style facial hair that just gave off a vibe that he MIGHT (or might not - trying hard not to judge) spend a lot of time in his parents basement.
...moving on

I collected the rest of my items and just before heading to checkout, I fielded a text from HH6 - "get some bread, some lunch meat and some cheese"
...on it
Then as I reached into the cooler to grab a package of mesquite smoked thin sliced roast turkey, I heard a distinct, "What was that?"
Is someone talking to me?
No...
...of course not

I looked up and there was red-hoodie guy, further down the aisle on the other side - he had stopped and after looking back over his shoulder he calmly stated, "did you say something?"

I dropped my package of Sargento, Aged Swiss Cheese Slices, into my cart and wondered if this weirdo was talking to me (as there were several others in the vicinity even thogh none of us were actually well positioned to be the target of his chatter)
...he backed up several feet and looked oddly at the shelf - "Where you talking to me buddy"

WHO IN THE FUCK IS THIS GUY TALKING TO ???

I should have just minded my own business and transited the area enroute to the checkout counter - but I could not. I needed to see this through...
...red-hoodie dude leaned in and secured a frozen pizza from the shelf
...red-hoodie dude leaned in and held this frozen pizza "close" like he had just picked up a stray dog
..."What's that, you want to come home with me?"
..."You sure are a cute little fella"
All the while, red hoodie guy seemed oblivious to anyone or anything around him - but the frozen pizza.

At this point I decided that it was time for me to initiate exfil before the encounter escalates - I had arrived at my local Walmart Neighborhood Market direct from work and since I cannot "carry" on the installation, I was unarmed and felt like it was time to complete my task, purchase my items, and return home.

I went to the bread aisle, grabbed some bread, and decided that watching this oddball talk to pizza was worthy of a bottle of wine to go with my spaghetti dinner...
...as I entered the self checkout to tally and pay for my purchases, I saw him: two stations over but now he had TWO frozen pizzas in his cart

I've never seen anyone look or act so happy to take home frozen pizza from Walmart


That is all.

Sargento swiss cheese rocks and how was the spaghetti?