Listen up fuckwits. As we approach the weekend I need you to all listen up.
Don't drink and drive. Don't be fucking retarded. You could kill other people, maybe yourself, but if you're drinking and driving you probably deserve to die. If you have to drink and drive, go to one of those fun spot go-kart places.
Speaking of killing yourself, don't do it. Seriously. Unless it is under some fat hooker then rock on.
Don't beat your spouse and if they beat you then you probably deserved it.
Don't burn popcorn and don't vote Democrat.
Don't set yourself on fire. Don't post dumb shit on Discord. Don't get on a homemade submarine. Do not sell or use drugs despite what you learned by watching Breaking Bad 5 times on deployment.
You already have a car at 30% interest. Don't get married to leave the barracks and then buy your spouse a car at 30% interest. Don't get married, it's stupid and you'll lose half your shit. Stay in your moldy barracks and die of black lung. It's easier that way.
If some skank or stripper wants to buy you a drink, it contains roofies and she's going to rob you blind. You're ugly, the only reason to speak to you is to rob you blind.
If you have to ask "is this a good idea" then it probably isn't.
I don't care about your age or state laws, just stay the FUCK AWAY from anyone not 18 or older. That usually ends in anal sex. On you. In prison. Unless you want some penis in your chocolate alley, stay the fuck away from high schools.
Your life is not a Steven Seagal movie. Don't get into a fight unless it is with your fire team leader. I hope they beat your ass because you deserve that.
Wear a rubber. Cover that baby maker of yours if you're lucky enough to infil a trailer park or gay bar or Tinder or your sister's bedroom or your brother's...don't make a baby and don't get AIDS.
You'll fuck it up anyway, so go out and do you. Don't call me. Your First Sergeant however...
Don't drink and drive. Don't be fucking retarded. You could kill other people, maybe yourself, but if you're drinking and driving you probably deserve to die. If you have to drink and drive, go to one of those fun spot go-kart places.
Speaking of killing yourself, don't do it. Seriously. Unless it is under some fat hooker then rock on.
Don't beat your spouse and if they beat you then you probably deserved it.
Don't burn popcorn and don't vote Democrat.
Don't set yourself on fire. Don't post dumb shit on Discord. Don't get on a homemade submarine. Do not sell or use drugs despite what you learned by watching Breaking Bad 5 times on deployment.
You already have a car at 30% interest. Don't get married to leave the barracks and then buy your spouse a car at 30% interest. Don't get married, it's stupid and you'll lose half your shit. Stay in your moldy barracks and die of black lung. It's easier that way.
If some skank or stripper wants to buy you a drink, it contains roofies and she's going to rob you blind. You're ugly, the only reason to speak to you is to rob you blind.
If you have to ask "is this a good idea" then it probably isn't.
I don't care about your age or state laws, just stay the FUCK AWAY from anyone not 18 or older. That usually ends in anal sex. On you. In prison. Unless you want some penis in your chocolate alley, stay the fuck away from high schools.
Your life is not a Steven Seagal movie. Don't get into a fight unless it is with your fire team leader. I hope they beat your ass because you deserve that.
Wear a rubber. Cover that baby maker of yours if you're lucky enough to infil a trailer park or gay bar or Tinder or your sister's bedroom or your brother's...don't make a baby and don't get AIDS.
You'll fuck it up anyway, so go out and do you. Don't call me. Your First Sergeant however...
