Best Medical Profiles

Swill

Intelligence
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Otisburg?!
Or as they say in the Navy, "Light/Limited Duty chits." For the uninitiated, these are written orders from the doc that restrict what you are allowed to do physically do. Example: I jumped out of an airplane (with a parachute) and when I landed, I hurt my back. The doc gave me a profile that restricts me from running, rucking, or doing sit ups for 6 weeks. Sometimes, believe it or not, service members will use profiles to avoid doing things they don't want to do. Often profiles are legitimate. But sometimes they aren't. Sometimes they are works of art.

Anyway, to get to the point, today I saw a profile that read "requires air conditioning" and "breathing at his own pace." That's the best one I've ever seen.

Anyone else got any good ones?
 

Chopstick

Verified Estrogen Brigade
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Sixburgh
Anyway, to get to the point, today I saw a profile that read "requires air conditioning" and "breathing at his own pace."
Asthma?
Im not in the military as you know, but the practice I work in..pulmonary medicine we actually write prescriptions for AC and humidifiers and air cleaners for severe asthmatics as well as other types of lung problems. The prescription will actually get some insurance companies to pay for these items as medically necessary..and for some people it really helps them control their asthma and COPD.
 

Swill

Intelligence
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Otisburg?!
I don't know what he told the doc to get him to write the profile. I know that when he was confronted as to why he wasn't PTing, he produced the profile. I also know that he rides his Cannondale in every morning... because every morning I drive past him.

Hmmm...
 

AWP

Formerly Known as Freefalling
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Not Afghanistan
I don't know what he told the doc to get him to write the profile. I know that when he was confronted as to why he wasn't PTing, he produced the profile. I also know that he rides his Cannondale in every morning... because every morning I drive past him.

Hmmm...

Sounds like you need a cell phone with a camera and he needs to practice his signature so it looks good on the Art. 15 paperwork.
 

Chopstick

Verified Estrogen Brigade
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I don't know what he told the doc to get him to write the profile. I know that when he was confronted as to why he wasn't PTing, he produced the profile. I also know that he rides his Cannondale in every morning... because every morning I drive past him.

Hmmm...
bwhahahaha..then it aint asthma!:rolleyes::doh:
A little methacholine challenge test outta cure whatever ails him. :2c:
 
8

8'Duece

Guest
Legitimate profiles are one thing, but if this soldier requires "air conditioning" and "breath air at his own pace" then he needs to seek further respiratory function tests and possibly be medically discharged under medical reasons. Somehow I doubt he'd get even a 10% disability rating unless he can prove that a decline in respiratory function is or was a result of hazardus conditions connected with his service duties. He should have the doc write up an appointment to have a Pulmonary Function Test (PFT) assuming he doesn't try to fake out the machine by breathing really shallow. LOL

I had surgery on my left shoulder while in the service. I was off an on profile during the times when it would dislocate but never more than two weeks at one time. I didn't want to pull that much CQ duty so I alway's let the two weeks lapse without a check up. Bad idea !!

I wound up having two surgery's on the same shoulder and both times recieved the usual 30 day's convolescent leave and then about 6 weeks profile upon return to the unit. But, I was alway's glad to be back to full duty and jumping.

Amazingly we had a few guy's that would make up just about any shit to get out of duty. Whether they didn't want to jump or go to the field they alway's had something wrong with them. But never a legitimate injury like a dislocated shoulder or elbow or knee. Alway's some mysterious systemic problem with a hard cough. :rolleyes:

And, one or two just bat shit crazy section 8.
 

Ranger Psych

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Keeping my hatchet sharp in the PNW
hey, stfu bout the heavy breathing profile fuckers, I had a no standing for more than 5 minutes and no heavy breathing profile after I had pneumonia.. might have been the fact that if I did a full inhalation I'd cough up nice chunks of lung. It ran out just in time to go to JRTC, that was wonderful...

My profile before I got out was "no weapons no explosives no deployment do not antagonize"
 

Polar Bear

They call me Mr Sunshine
Verified Military
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Aug 14, 2006
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4,506
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Kentucky
This is not a story of how good a profile but response to a profile. Had a TARD in my squad always riding the profile. My Platoon Sgt. asked me what was up with him, I told him he was a sham artist. So we are heading to the field and the PS asks me where PFC TARDY is, on crutches. Go get him SPC. PS asks him some questions and then asks to see his profile. Use Crutches, keep weight off foot. PFC TARD go get your ruck you are going to the field. Put PS...PFC TARD the profile does not say anything about not going to the field or carrying a ruck, now get moving. We always got ambushed, you could hear us a mile away, him making a racket or us laughing at him.
 
L

Looon

Guest
This is not a story of how good a profile but response to a profile. Had a TARD in my squad always riding the profile. My Platoon Sgt. asked me what was up with him, I told him he was a sham artist. So we are heading to the field and the PS asks me where PFC TARDY is, on crutches. Go get him SPC. PS asks him some questions and then asks to see his profile. Use Crutches, keep weight off foot. PFC TARD go get your ruck you are going to the field. Put PS...PFC TARD the profile does not say anything about not going to the field or carrying a ruck, now get moving. We always got ambushed, you could hear us a mile away, him making a racket or us laughing at him.
hahaahaahahaahahaahaa
 

rv808

Trying, with no luck.
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Jan 11, 2007
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OCONUS again
I had one SPC in ACUs the morning of a BN run. I asked him why he won't run, and that his dead man's profile does not allow running or anything. I asked him what exactly is wrong with him, and he said, "Sir, I'm 27 years old, the Army has been hard on me these past two years!" (Noted we are Signal, in a SIGNAL BDE TOO) :rolleyes:

I said, "Well shit SPC, I'm 30 and been in longer than you....I guess it's a miracle I even have a pulse."
 
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