Best Medical Profiles
- Thread starter Swill
- Start date
sick notes!
Tell you what I used to do when I was running the sick room and you got all these same old people turning up on sick parade just to get out of duties or tough training:
stick an Aspirin to their forehead under a round band-aid and tell them to fuk off with the knowledge that the Aspirin would be slowly absorbed through the skin for 24 hours and thus provide the pain relief they required. All day they would walk around base with a plaster stuck to their head, and everyone knew why!!!!!!
I have used it on the road as a Civvie as well, for all those people that have nothing better to do at 03:00hrs than call the EMS! Works a treat!
Medic 1
Tell you what I used to do when I was running the sick room and you got all these same old people turning up on sick parade just to get out of duties or tough training:
stick an Aspirin to their forehead under a round band-aid and tell them to fuk off with the knowledge that the Aspirin would be slowly absorbed through the skin for 24 hours and thus provide the pain relief they required. All day they would walk around base with a plaster stuck to their head, and everyone knew why!!!!!!
I have used it on the road as a Civvie as well, for all those people that have nothing better to do at 03:00hrs than call the EMS! Works a treat!
Medic 1
I used that similar in the aid station but not in the civilian world due to whiney nurses complaing about it. I used to put an alcholol prep. pad on the forehead and told the shammer that it would draw out the poisons.
F.M.
F.M.
I am NOT into messing with people ( I think that it is unprofessional ) but sometimes the knuckleheads we have just deserve it. Take this for example: I am currentlly @ work, busy surburban M.I.C.U. and we get a call for a traumatic laceration / injury. We get there and the guy has a SCRATCH on his finger from scraping it on his shower rod while taking a shower. How do you cope with that? He was advised to go to CVS, but some bandaids and go to sleep.
F.M.
F.M.
Firemedic said:
Guess we'll be seeing you at sick call later on this morning to try and remove it, or................
We'll cut 2 holes around your belly button so you can still see what's going on around you until we figure it out. lol
S
steelrain202
Guest
I remember back about 13 or 14 years ago, we had a kid in my platoon that had a "No walking on uneven terrain". So my Plt Sgt, SFC Tomley, went the connex gathered up some small squares of plywood and 2x4's scrapes and had this kid lay down a path of even sturdy even terrain for himself everywhere he went. It was quite funny and hilarity ensued.
So this isn't the "best" medical profile, but it sure was interesting how I managed to get around it.
When I was in basic, I found myself ordered to sick call for this horrible cough that just wouldn't go away. Turned out to be a nasty case of bronchitis, so I wound up on a dead man's profile about 2/3 of the way through, for 2 or 3 days, can't remember exactly how long. What really sucked balls was knowing that I had to go through some random course that involved running, dropping, and getting up again; not completing this course would have me repeating that phase of basic again and graduating late. I had no desire to recycle, and I was lucky enough to have a Drill Sergeant who understood my plight.
This being the early part of 2001, we weren't wearing full body armor everywhere, it was just a k-pot, LBE, and my M16. DS Garcia made damn sure he got my lane, so that he could "ensure" that I didn't break my profile. So I didn't run the course...I "walked" it, with the understanding that my idea of a "walking pace" was much faster than what the medics would recommend (ok so it was an all-out fucking sprint...have you ever seen the old fuckers speed walking around the mall or park...those are some fast movers!). I wasn't supposed to be dropping into a prone position with my rifle...however, I was the "clumsiest private" that DS Garcia had ever seen in his career; I kept falling down on my "leisurely stroll" and having to get back up again. By the time I got to the end of the course, I couldn't keep a straight face. I'm still grateful for his help, because his "liberal interpretation" of my profile helped me graduate on time!
End of hijack....
When I was in basic, I found myself ordered to sick call for this horrible cough that just wouldn't go away. Turned out to be a nasty case of bronchitis, so I wound up on a dead man's profile about 2/3 of the way through, for 2 or 3 days, can't remember exactly how long. What really sucked balls was knowing that I had to go through some random course that involved running, dropping, and getting up again; not completing this course would have me repeating that phase of basic again and graduating late. I had no desire to recycle, and I was lucky enough to have a Drill Sergeant who understood my plight.
This being the early part of 2001, we weren't wearing full body armor everywhere, it was just a k-pot, LBE, and my M16. DS Garcia made damn sure he got my lane, so that he could "ensure" that I didn't break my profile. So I didn't run the course...I "walked" it, with the understanding that my idea of a "walking pace" was much faster than what the medics would recommend (ok so it was an all-out fucking sprint...have you ever seen the old fuckers speed walking around the mall or park...those are some fast movers!). I wasn't supposed to be dropping into a prone position with my rifle...however, I was the "clumsiest private" that DS Garcia had ever seen in his career; I kept falling down on my "leisurely stroll" and having to get back up again. By the time I got to the end of the course, I couldn't keep a straight face. I'm still grateful for his help, because his "liberal interpretation" of my profile helped me graduate on time!
End of hijack....
LibraryLady
Verified Military
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- Sep 7, 2006
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I was in a car accident while stationed in Germany, managed to bone bruise my heels, so that put me on crutches for a bit. I was living in the barracks at the time, and started to hang out with another guy recovering from knee surgery, on crutches also. Hilarity ensued! Nightly races up and down the stairs, learning to crutch while holding a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other... The medic who worked for my doc would just shake his head and walk away... ;)
LL
LL
A guy i worked with, an E-5, got diagnosed as being Bi-polar and being in a sensative job he was unable to continue handling classified info while on the medication. Anyway, do to his potential outbursts, the head doctor wrote a memorandum to keep him away from stressful situations which would cause the mood swings, particualry an E-7 who he percived to be a dick. So he pretty much had a no dealing with assholes profile. He was medboarded and kicked out of the army not long after. Anyway..somedays i kinda wish i had the no dealing with assholes profile too...
OK FM and Medic1 WTF's going on dis'in us nurses?? I am neither whiney and I definately have a sense of humor. (Why Doc, you mean I can't suture this drunk SOB's earlobe to the gurney when he becomes an idiot?)
Don't worry, I'm just jerkin your respective chains. ;)
Don't worry, I'm just jerkin your respective chains. ;)
Hey Hoosier:
The majority of R.N.'s I have come in contact with, both do not like medics and have a chip, on their shoulder. From the sounds of what you are saying, I just may love you. Can you move to P.A. and get a job @ one of our E.D.'s? Again, I am NOT into messing with people, just blowing off steam. I have been called a hand holder sometimes. Oh yeh, I woke up an overdose this a.m. and now am cleaning up peanut butter stained vomit from my clothes and squad. Can't get that anywhere else.
F.M.
The majority of R.N.'s I have come in contact with, both do not like medics and have a chip, on their shoulder. From the sounds of what you are saying, I just may love you. Can you move to P.A. and get a job @ one of our E.D.'s? Again, I am NOT into messing with people, just blowing off steam. I have been called a hand holder sometimes. Oh yeh, I woke up an overdose this a.m. and now am cleaning up peanut butter stained vomit from my clothes and squad. Can't get that anywhere else.
F.M.
NO shit!! I've seen that one! he had eczema really bad.
I had something similar happen to me. I was in AIT at Ft Sam. I had done basic at Ft Leonard Wood, and got the inevitable URI as a result of close contact, living with 45 other males in a trailer barracks. yay. so at AIT, I had thought my URI "cured", and in reality, it had become Pneumonia. I show up with a fever of 101+, chills, sweats, cough, lung butter, everything. the nurse brings me back, does my tilts, finds out I'm a medic student. she, being a former 91C (LPN nurse), understood that I A) did NOT want to be admitted into BAMC, and B) refused to miss more than 8 hours of class. if you missed 16, you recycled, and I wasn't having that shit. so whenever the doc would leave, she'd bring me a pitcher of Ice water. I'd dirnk it, she'd take my temp, and always it would be UNDER the magic number of 102.3, which was the cut-off for automatic admittance to BAMC. the doc couldn't understand why i felt so warm but didn't register it. She also talked to the Clinic OIC, and old friend, apparently. since the doc kep wanting me to go to BAMC, and I refused, the OIC sided with the nurse - he couldn't MAKE me go just because I was sick, I had to meet one some sort of criteria for admittance against my wishes. the high fever I actually had would have done it, but pneumonia in and of itself does not constitute a reason for hospitalization. basically, the Nurse and the OIC knew why I didn't want to recycle. so, they gave me tylenol to break the fever, 2 Z-packs, and some cold/cough meds, and sent me back to class. I still thank her everyday for that, because of her I grad'd on time and have loved my job ever since.
sounds like a fun time to me!!!
urdaddyjeep
SOF Support
man this takes me back to when I was smart and was a 91B... went to SAM in 92 and went back to my guard unit where I got a job working at a hospital in a college town.. talk about alot of shit you get to see there..
as far as profiles I see them everyday and think to myself how in the world am I still breathing since this guy is on a dead mans profile cause he hurt his big toe.. what really gets me is that there are Docs here at Gordon that are giving out perm profiles to AIT soldiers. WTF?? what have they done here at Gordon to have hurt themselfs so badly that they need a perm profile? I didnt get one till 06 after my knee got scoped and have been trying like hell to get off of it but the Doc here is like no your on it for a reason. well that is one reason I never carry it and I do run with the PVTs. It says at my own pace and distance.. hell 2 miles is my distance and if I do it under 16mins then its at my time..
BTT
One profile I just saw the other day made me laugh and wonder what the hell was that nurse thinking.. it read " Soldier is able to sleep when he feels tired and should not be awaken with sudden noise, suffers from PTSD... WTF this guy hasnt seen combat nor has he been anywhere that I know of that would or could cause PTSD.. he is from a gold spoon family... who knows maybe daddy beat him daily.. wish I could.. but this being TRADOC just not going to happen..
as far as profiles I see them everyday and think to myself how in the world am I still breathing since this guy is on a dead mans profile cause he hurt his big toe.. what really gets me is that there are Docs here at Gordon that are giving out perm profiles to AIT soldiers. WTF?? what have they done here at Gordon to have hurt themselfs so badly that they need a perm profile? I didnt get one till 06 after my knee got scoped and have been trying like hell to get off of it but the Doc here is like no your on it for a reason. well that is one reason I never carry it and I do run with the PVTs. It says at my own pace and distance.. hell 2 miles is my distance and if I do it under 16mins then its at my time..
BTT
One profile I just saw the other day made me laugh and wonder what the hell was that nurse thinking.. it read " Soldier is able to sleep when he feels tired and should not be awaken with sudden noise, suffers from PTSD... WTF this guy hasnt seen combat nor has he been anywhere that I know of that would or could cause PTSD.. he is from a gold spoon family... who knows maybe daddy beat him daily.. wish I could.. but this being TRADOC just not going to happen..
that's the answer I got from the 1SG in my above post. since the Doctor couldn't send me to BAMC and he couldn't keep me at the TMC, he wrote me 48 hrs. Qtrs... now, I didn't plan on taking all of it, but since at this point, I'd already missed half the class day, I was more than willing to go and be non-contagious in the barracks whilst everyone else was in school. I showed up at the 1SG's office and he looks at me, with his brown round on, (he was the senior drill from last cycle standing in for the 1SG since the 1SG was still on leave/PTDY) and gives me that smile. you know that one I'm talking about.
"that's all fine and dandy, there, Soldier Medic. but we don't DO quarters here." :uhh:
he calls the doc back at his desk and tells him the same thing.
"sir, we can't leave him unsupervised in the barracks, so we'll just have to settle for light duty and no PT. sound good?"
he tells me "now if you don't mind, dede-mau on back to class and I hope you get to feelin' better. have a fantastic Army Day, Soldier-Medic!"
roger. Warrior Spirit, 1SG.
:uhh:
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