PTSD Survivors : Anybody ever feel this way???

[metalmom]

Having a crap day. Raging a bit-just feel like I want to kick the crap out of someone or something. I also want everyone to just leave me the frig alone. I almost feel sometimes that I could do just fine without people.
Dancing with the darkness today.

 

[RackMaster]

Happens often... that's usually when I do keep to myself and my wife sees the warning signs and keeps her distance.

 

[metalmom]

Kudos to your wife for understanding. Been married 20 yrs-husband has never even tried to understand PTSD, never read a book nor informed himself about it. Never wanted to talk about it. I was done long ago anyway-but there is a certain sadness to that.
You are one hell of a lucky guy Gdam!!! You probably already know that:)

I am so wanting to take a trip out to my property all alone-just a week or two get away to just think!!!!

 

[RackMaster]

Well it helps that I was already fucked up when she met me. ;) And that she has a degree in psychology, actually wrote some papers and her thesis on me and PTSD. She's also a trained volunteer with OSISS, works in addictions with women that may or may not have PTSD; so she has lots of personal and professional experience on the subject. She's actually the one that got me to go get help. I've learned that it doesn't take someone to hit so called rock bottom before they'll seek help, it's when they are about to lose whatever means the most to them and for me it was her. I had been in way lower places before I met her and didn't seek any help at all.

Do you and your husband talk about it at all? Not in detail but how you feel and all that shit. ;) They'll never understand, even if you try to explain it to them but in most cases they just want to know you care enough to share. You don't have to get into any details of trauma but let them know how certain things bother you.

Are you pensioned for it through VAC? They can pay for him to talk to someone if he needs it or both of you. They offer a lot of these services through the Operational Stress Injury Clinic at the Royal Ottawa Hospital, they are great people there.

http://www.rohcg.on.ca/programs-and-services/stress-injury-e.cfm

 

[metalmom]

He knows every detail-but just wont discuss it period. He was supportive the 1st yr-but I think when he realized he couldnt 'help' me 'get over it' -he was just done with it. He really did just want the old Kim back, as did I, but that never happened. We met in Pet, and I was really outgoing, just front and center with everything. I sort of became the opposite, so I cant really blame him. He has no desire to deal with it or talk to anyone about it. Anyway-I was lucky to see a good psychologist, and he did help to a certain degree. Its just that I had kept things bottled for many yrs at home. And any major stresses at home just make all my symptoms much worse. I dont handle stress well anymore at all. Though am working on that.

Decided to sell the land-and look for some land around the Pet/Deep River area, and continue on with my plan.Thats where I really want to live.I think it will be good for me to gain some control and do something for myself. Called a lawyer today to take my husbands name off the deed=its like almost 500 bucks to do that. Freakin lawyers!!:)

Thanks for listening.

 

[boldknight]

Hi All. New here and to the group/ I have had PTSD for nearly 28 years and when I have the flashbacks, it seems I am right there again. Glad this group exists as it seems only we who have this disease can relate. I lost my first wife over it, but now am very happily married to..yes, a wonderful woman who also suffers from PTSD. Seems a perfect fit? We so understand each other and that means so much. A great part of what has helped me is being sober for almost 25 years this coming July 17. I tried it all to deal with my PTSD, drugs, alcohol...I was my worst medicater. (Is that a word?) I sure am no expert on PTSD, just learning how to deal with it daily...sometimes. The flasbacks are less, but my reactions return if exposed to a trigger...seems to always happen just when I think I am getting much better? That is my short story and I sure am glad to be a part of this great group. It is comforting to be with those who understand....as most do not!

Hugs to all...

 

[RackMaster]

Welcome boldknight.

Sorry I don't respond frequently, I honestly forget about it and how to get here. lol Brain damage is an excuse. ;)

Kim, do what you have to do for yourself and hopefully bring people around you that are willing to understand and support you. Friends or family. If you're not seeing the psychologist any more, I'd suggest finding one again; VAC can help you with finding one. I still see one on a regular basis, even if it's not as frequent but it's good for a "tuneup" now and then. I love the Pet/Deep area but my wife doesn't. lol Other wise we would be there again.