The 2018 Moderator Election Smack Talking Thread

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AWP

AWP

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Last year's was so damn weak. I need you to step up. The board needs you to step up. If your A game sucks, may I suggest Security Forces or Cav Scout.


Remember, there are winners and there are Nickelback fans.
 
Topkick said:
Cav Scouts are the Army's stepchildren, so yeah, we even take Nickelback fans.
Click to expand...

Any group that accepts Nickelback fans deserves to be loaded into a cannon and fired into the sun. Muzzle, not breech, fuck y'all. Take the rod.
 
Wait...I've got another hour of hitting myself on the head with a hammer...then I'll be primed for the festivities.
 
Over 30 years ago, my major competition as moderator (whose name I cannot yet recall) did something very, very bad to me. I don't know when, where, or what exactly, but it was BAD. So bad, in fact, that I can no longer remain silent about it. Or something.

Not to worry though, when it becomes politically expedient for me (i.e. if I start slipping in the election polls), I will name him/her/them. And when I do, I expect the all-while, all-male Admins who make up the patriarchal judicial cabal that runs this site to immediately take me at my word and to delay the entire moderator election until I receive unspecified justice. At a minimum this will include complete ruination of my political opponents... (er I mean victimizer(s)) and the appointment of more mods with sexually-ambiguous nicknames. This will, of course, specifically (and exclusively) include me. Anyone who disagrees with this is some flavor of "-ist," afflicted with some variety of "-ism," and will also be "#HimToo'd."

You're welcome for my service, thank me for your support.

~mara
 
I’ll run, with the sole focus being on enraging the masses and playing off their fears to enrich both myself and my family. I will admit, I have done nothing to actually help this board. In fact, I received deferments from prior election threads for a bone spur... not sure which ankle but it was there... I had the best bone spurs, they were huge, just tremendous spurs. Speaking of spurs, Let’s talk about the cav scouts.... they’re criminals, they’re rapists- some of them are good soldiers, I assume. Most of these people here who run against me, they didn’t get elected in prior elections- they think they are heroes because they ran.... I like people who weren’t losers. Also this will be my first election, and no one has ever won on their first go (don’t fact check that). This will be a tremendous campaign, Mainly because the options are so terrible that I actually look electable. Let me be clear- there will be no collusion with @amlove21 to interfere with this election. Yes I have several business interests in his AO, and he may or may not have a video of me being the recipient of a golden shower... which did not happen and the dossier does not exist... but I can assure you I will be the toughest moderator the admins have ever seen. DASBOOT 2020...I mean... 2018.
 
What do I get for my vote...and how much tetracycline will I need to get rid of it?
 
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