Sounds about right.
:SPOILERS: House of the Dragon
- Thread starter Kaldak
- Start date
Week,,,who cares?
I saw it less than 12 hours ago and have already forgotten half of the show, but I'll give it a shot.
I think we opened up with the Valayrian (I stopped caring if I misspell names and places, and you should too) family having an impromptu reunion. Oops, we're short a guy, "the guy" being Big Daddy V who has an oowie and the "blood fever." BDV's brother steps up and is all "My throne, mine!", but one of Princess Race Week's sons is somehow the heir because of his "dead" "father?" Some mental gymnastics played out which has left me apathetic about this family.
Princess Ray of Sunshine gets word her dad is "ill" so she decides maybe they should decamp for King's Landing. Um...ya' think? Dumbass. You KNOW the queen is gunning for you and your sons so you moved half a world away, relying on the odd raven here and there to bring you news of your soon-to-be kingdom? Idiot. Oh well, pack up the ship boys! Somewhere in one of these scenes we learn 6 years have passed since the last episode. 6 years.
What a difference 6 years makes. The kids are older (duh), the adults minus one haven't changed a bit. Not one, except for the king, has aged! The king? That dude looks like he's 150. Saying he looks old is a disservice to the elderly. In 6 years bro bro went from looking old to looking like he just opened the Arc of the Covenant after drinking from the wrong cup. The show would have us believe, AGAIN, this guy is on his death bed. Remember, they've teased this for the last couple of episodes, so NOW we're to believe he's dying? At some point he takes off his mask to show us discount Gus Fring in the nursing home.
Words, words, words more meaningless than this post. The rest of the episode is basically more political maneuvering and faces. Oh, the faces! Alicunt looks horrified through most of the episode...the same woman who spent half of last week looking all murdery. Eye Patch just looks like a smarmy bastard, the high school jock who bullies the younger, smaller kids to show everyone he's a badass. Apparently one of Alicunt's sons who has both eyes uses them to get bombed and rape the wait staff. It's become so normal the Queen has Plan B tea and a bag of money at the ready.
Then we have a dinner with a bunch of one-upmanship toasts as everyone throws shade at the other disguised as praise. To my beautiful House of Dragons: the show so well developed, written, acted, and produced. May you bless us for 10 seasons! The best face goes to Daemon. That man is a fucking PIMP! He has this constant smirk like he's not only in on the joke, but he's the only one who knows the joke. I'm not a virgin so I don't watch Dr. Who, but Matt Smith is a solid actor carrying this show.
This post has gone on for too long,, much like the show. Anyway, BDV's bro petitions the king to sit on a pile of wood and own some ships. Ray of Sunshine makes a case for one of her sons because reasons. She also strikes a deal with BDV's wife to marry off a bunch of kids for her support. In the end, King Harvey Dent signs off on this causing Uncle Wooden Throne to call Princess Rainman's children bastards in front of the court. Remember, that's supposed to be treason according to the last episode. The king says he should cut out the guy's tongue, but Daemon has a better idea and lops off the dude's head.
More words, more glances, credits.
I saw it less than 12 hours ago and have already forgotten half of the show, but I'll give it a shot.
I think we opened up with the Valayrian (I stopped caring if I misspell names and places, and you should too) family having an impromptu reunion. Oops, we're short a guy, "the guy" being Big Daddy V who has an oowie and the "blood fever." BDV's brother steps up and is all "My throne, mine!", but one of Princess Race Week's sons is somehow the heir because of his "dead" "father?" Some mental gymnastics played out which has left me apathetic about this family.
Princess Ray of Sunshine gets word her dad is "ill" so she decides maybe they should decamp for King's Landing. Um...ya' think? Dumbass. You KNOW the queen is gunning for you and your sons so you moved half a world away, relying on the odd raven here and there to bring you news of your soon-to-be kingdom? Idiot. Oh well, pack up the ship boys! Somewhere in one of these scenes we learn 6 years have passed since the last episode. 6 years.
What a difference 6 years makes. The kids are older (duh), the adults minus one haven't changed a bit. Not one, except for the king, has aged! The king? That dude looks like he's 150. Saying he looks old is a disservice to the elderly. In 6 years bro bro went from looking old to looking like he just opened the Arc of the Covenant after drinking from the wrong cup. The show would have us believe, AGAIN, this guy is on his death bed. Remember, they've teased this for the last couple of episodes, so NOW we're to believe he's dying? At some point he takes off his mask to show us discount Gus Fring in the nursing home.
Words, words, words more meaningless than this post. The rest of the episode is basically more political maneuvering and faces. Oh, the faces! Alicunt looks horrified through most of the episode...the same woman who spent half of last week looking all murdery. Eye Patch just looks like a smarmy bastard, the high school jock who bullies the younger, smaller kids to show everyone he's a badass. Apparently one of Alicunt's sons who has both eyes uses them to get bombed and rape the wait staff. It's become so normal the Queen has Plan B tea and a bag of money at the ready.
Then we have a dinner with a bunch of one-upmanship toasts as everyone throws shade at the other disguised as praise. To my beautiful House of Dragons: the show so well developed, written, acted, and produced. May you bless us for 10 seasons! The best face goes to Daemon. That man is a fucking PIMP! He has this constant smirk like he's not only in on the joke, but he's the only one who knows the joke. I'm not a virgin so I don't watch Dr. Who, but Matt Smith is a solid actor carrying this show.
This post has gone on for too long,, much like the show. Anyway, BDV's bro petitions the king to sit on a pile of wood and own some ships. Ray of Sunshine makes a case for one of her sons because reasons. She also strikes a deal with BDV's wife to marry off a bunch of kids for her support. In the end, King Harvey Dent signs off on this causing Uncle Wooden Throne to call Princess Rainman's children bastards in front of the court. Remember, that's supposed to be treason according to the last episode. The king says he should cut out the guy's tongue, but Daemon has a better idea and lops off the dude's head.
More words, more glances, credits.
SpongeBob*24
Verified Military
@AWP amazing review caused me to rewatch the last 2 episodes
Understand The next episode is called Green so and so.. refering to those punks Up in high tower. I hope daemon mounts up on his dragon and smokes Oldtown.
EPI 7 - I Completely forgot about the dragon ride / turd fight / queen demanding justice scene in my aar.
The one eyed son had the most logic at the end of 30 minute chaos. "I may have lost my eye but I got a dragon suckas...."
EPI 8 - The king died...how did I miss that? I must have time traveled?
The one eyed son had the most logic at the end of 30 minute chaos. "I may have lost my eye but I got a dragon suckas...."
EPI 8 - The king died...how did I miss that? I must have time traveled?
Understand The next episode is called Green so and so.. refering to those punks Up in high tower. I hope daemon mounts up on his dragon and smokes Oldtown.
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Shit just got real!! Well played, indeed.
The king has actually died and the race is on to make shit happen. Alicunt and Daddy Long Face start maneuvering to put the rapist kid on the throne. Lock up the house staff to keep your secret? Sure! Force the local nobles to bend the knee or they are hanged? Of course! One problem:
The little prick is off on a drinking/ whore fest and no one can find him.
A good portion of the episode then is Where's Waldo meets The First 48 as two groups are sent to find the King elect. Fleabottom, whorehouses (the lower class the better), markets...blah, blah, blah. We get a glimpse of children in a Thunderdome scene. It seems they take these starving street urchins and grow out their nails and file their teeth. Then, they pit the starving waifs against one another for sport. Like dog fighting but with poor people. Huh, maybe I need to go lease an old warehouse. Anyway, homeboy is nowhere to found.
Pause for a moment: the show that is now resistant to "teh boobies" has NOOOOOO problem with starving kids fighting like dogs for the amusement of others. Rape scenes are bad, child exploitation is $$$$$$. The morality of these fucking people... "Timmy, you can only work x hours in a days and you need y number of breaks, to protect you as a child. Now, for this next scene I need you to act out a violent murder, over and over until you make it look realistic, and then go wash up and do your homework. Incest is cool, but a naked tit? Exploitation!!!!!!!!!
Back to the story, stuff happens, sword fight, one brother abandons another, and the little king is found. As his coronation approaches, the Queen Who Could Not be Queen but Was Still a Queen, Just Not THE Queen makes her exit/ escape during the chaos. She doesn't seem to be down with Alicunt imprisoning her until the Driftwood Queen bends the knee. Life lesson: never turn your back on a bitter, old woman. "Hell hath no fury" and all that. As we ramp up to the crowning we discover the reason behind multiple search parties for his royal-ish majesty.
Murder. Glorious murder.
See, Droopy Dog the Hand wants the One-Eyed Monster on the throne, but his baby daughter wants her oldest on the throne. The multiple search parties? One was a hit squad and the other played Secret Service. Now we have two brothers who want the throne, their estranged aunt who is the true heir, and a daddy daughter team NOT involving genital touching all moving and shaking for the Iron Throne. Since all of this took place in King's Landing, we have no idea what Daemon and Princess Rey Mysterio up in Dragonstone think about this, but remember the old, bitter queen?
Dragon, motherfucker!
At the coronation, King Shitface the Whoremonger raises his sword because the prick realizes he owns a kingdom, but he's too stupid to figure out HOW that happened. You can tell he'll be a just leader... At his triumphant moment A GODDAMN DRAGON BREAKS THROUGH THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!! No one yelling their displeasure, no band of rogue assassins, no minister(s) standing up and saying this ceremony is bullshit (to be fair the ones who tried are all dead), we get a fucking dragon putting an exclamation point on this declaration of war. The dragon yells, the Wooden Queen turns for home, and those left standing on the dais realize they gots some problems, yo.
A good episode with a fantastic final 10-15 minutes as the pieces fall into place. WHY did it take us an entire season to get here though?Did we really need so many episodes of build up to this story? After the first two episodes you could see what would play out, but it took us 8 or 9 to o this far? They could have done more with their (and our!) time. Look, if I want to drive from FL to NC I can take I-95 or US 1 and both will put me at the same destination. One cuts the time in half, the other is more scenic. But that saved time means I can do more with my trip; sometimes you need to speed past some scenery to arrive at a better location.
4 out of 5 guys with a foot fetish
The little prick is off on a drinking/ whore fest and no one can find him.
A good portion of the episode then is Where's Waldo meets The First 48 as two groups are sent to find the King elect. Fleabottom, whorehouses (the lower class the better), markets...blah, blah, blah. We get a glimpse of children in a Thunderdome scene. It seems they take these starving street urchins and grow out their nails and file their teeth. Then, they pit the starving waifs against one another for sport. Like dog fighting but with poor people. Huh, maybe I need to go lease an old warehouse. Anyway, homeboy is nowhere to found.
Pause for a moment: the show that is now resistant to "teh boobies" has NOOOOOO problem with starving kids fighting like dogs for the amusement of others. Rape scenes are bad, child exploitation is $$$$$$. The morality of these fucking people... "Timmy, you can only work x hours in a days and you need y number of breaks, to protect you as a child. Now, for this next scene I need you to act out a violent murder, over and over until you make it look realistic, and then go wash up and do your homework. Incest is cool, but a naked tit? Exploitation!!!!!!!!!
Back to the story, stuff happens, sword fight, one brother abandons another, and the little king is found. As his coronation approaches, the Queen Who Could Not be Queen but Was Still a Queen, Just Not THE Queen makes her exit/ escape during the chaos. She doesn't seem to be down with Alicunt imprisoning her until the Driftwood Queen bends the knee. Life lesson: never turn your back on a bitter, old woman. "Hell hath no fury" and all that. As we ramp up to the crowning we discover the reason behind multiple search parties for his royal-ish majesty.
Murder. Glorious murder.
See, Droopy Dog the Hand wants the One-Eyed Monster on the throne, but his baby daughter wants her oldest on the throne. The multiple search parties? One was a hit squad and the other played Secret Service. Now we have two brothers who want the throne, their estranged aunt who is the true heir, and a daddy daughter team NOT involving genital touching all moving and shaking for the Iron Throne. Since all of this took place in King's Landing, we have no idea what Daemon and Princess Rey Mysterio up in Dragonstone think about this, but remember the old, bitter queen?
Dragon, motherfucker!
At the coronation, King Shitface the Whoremonger raises his sword because the prick realizes he owns a kingdom, but he's too stupid to figure out HOW that happened. You can tell he'll be a just leader... At his triumphant moment A GODDAMN DRAGON BREAKS THROUGH THE FLOOR!!!!!!!!! No one yelling their displeasure, no band of rogue assassins, no minister(s) standing up and saying this ceremony is bullshit (to be fair the ones who tried are all dead), we get a fucking dragon putting an exclamation point on this declaration of war. The dragon yells, the Wooden Queen turns for home, and those left standing on the dais realize they gots some problems, yo.
A good episode with a fantastic final 10-15 minutes as the pieces fall into place. WHY did it take us an entire season to get here though?Did we really need so many episodes of build up to this story? After the first two episodes you could see what would play out, but it took us 8 or 9 to o this far? They could have done more with their (and our!) time. Look, if I want to drive from FL to NC I can take I-95 or US 1 and both will put me at the same destination. One cuts the time in half, the other is more scenic. But that saved time means I can do more with my trip; sometimes you need to speed past some scenery to arrive at a better location.
4 out of 5 guys with a foot fetish
My biggest gripe - how did Alicent not see her father plotting all these years? Clearly she did but the show made it seem like she was clueless. Bad writing. Otherwise I thought it was a good episode.
SpongeBob*24
Verified Military
Agree best episode yet. The music in the beginning reminded me of GoT pre season 6 when it was EPIC. You really didn't know what was going on but you were on the edge of your seat knowing something was about to happen.
Now we are on the Last episode......we deserve 70 min of DRAGON CAS in prep for Season 2 where the Princess and Daemon take over...
WHAAAT!!>!>!>>!???
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Kraut783
SOF Support
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Well, well, well...the show we wanted finally decided to stagger in the door. Dad actually went out for milk and returned home, kids!
Last episode was the King's Landing reaction video to the death of King Poopypants. This week, we go to Dragonstone or whatever the fuck to check in on the premise for a bad Brazzers video. A pregnant but not really showing Princess Rey Mysterio receives word of her dad shuffling off their mortal coil. She starts clutching her belly and you know this will be a doozy. Daemon convenes a war council, declaring that his brother was murdered while the princess walks around the house clutching her baby bump. She's bleeding out of the old hoo hah and wailing like a cow with fully engorged milk titties while Daemon's trying to plan a special military operation. The "birth" hits a crescendo when this blob of a fetus falls out of Ray Ray's gaping maw, splatting unceremoniously on the floor.
A back and forth ensues as Daemon and The Queen Who isn't a Queen 2.0 argue over what to do. Plot twist! The Sea Snake or Balsa Wood Benny or whatever his name...his fever breaks and he's up and at 'em. He and his wife (kind of looking MILF-ish in that dragon scaled armor), show up and proclaim fealty to the princess slash queen. A ceremony is held confirming her as the heir and lines are being drawn. Daemon begins interviewing for positions in the Queen's Guard with the help of Dragon HR. What they really need though, are allies. Ravens are dispatched, but it is decided her kids should go as messengers to the most important houses: Stark, Who Cares I, and Who Cares II. Somewhere in all of this is THE coolest map of Westeros and why wasn't this in GOT? The carved map is backlit by a bunch of candles so that the rivers and words have an orange glow to them.
Somewhere in there The Hand shows up and makes some ridiculous demands of the princess' family like STFU and bend the knee, we'll give you titles and lands, enslave your kids and tell them those are positions of honor, the usual. As you can guess, Otto's sent packing with a big middle finger.
The lads are off on dragons because dragons are faster than ravens and using A-10's for a show of force aren't an option if you ride a dragon. One of the bastards shows up at a house not named Stark where he sees The One Eyed Monster all the way from King's Landing. The lord of House Whatever laughs the kid out of the building while One Eyes smirks. Westeros really knows how to grow fuck bois, don't it? One Eye tells Kid Rock he wants wants an eye for an eye, the lord of whatever house forbids it, and Queen 2.0's kid leaves.
DRAGON DOGFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
One Eye follows the kid because he too has a dragon. A big one. Like...bigger than a National Guard motor pool sergeant. We're treated to a dragon chase through thunderstorms and canyons. You know the kid is as good as dead, but the show gives you a sliver of hope that he might make it home. Yeah, hope is not a plan. The two dragons remember they are dragons and decide to ignore the little balls of flesh on their backsides and have a dragon slobberknocker in the sky. The little dragon is no match for a Weekend Warrior, and big daddy fat BITES THE OTHER DRAGON IN HALF?!?!?!?!?!? Fuck all the way off, Maverick, there's a new fighter pilot in town.
Problem is, One Eye realizes he done fucked up. Bad. Like..."time for a war, boys" bad.
We cut back to Dragonrock where Q 2.0 receives the news. Her look says it all and next season we're guaranteed a wee bit of slaughter.
I really like the presentation of the last two episodes where we see how both parties react to the king's death. They actually put some life into the characters or build on what we've already seen. The story is kind of predictable, but that's a given for anyone who saw GoT: A crisis, plotting, betrayal, reaction, a new crisis, more plotting, etc.
No lie, I'm here for the violence, and it appears we'll see more of that in S2 and less chess pieces on a cool looking map. I'm still not on Queen Uncle Fucker's team, but I think I'll put that to rest next season if her reaction is the same as the final scene. One suggestion though: could we keep her out of baby making mode for just a few episodes? She's dropping so many kids Irish Catholic families are welcoming her to the fold.
Matt Smith needs more scenes. Great character for him to play and he's a good actor. The scene where he sings to the dragon was very good and dude has a solid voice. Smith plays the character with the right mix of sociopathic behavior touched with a sliver of humanity. I feel you, bro.
Most importantly, I actually want to watch Season 2 and that is no small feat given the utter shit show we endured up to this point.
4.5 out of 5 eye patches
Last episode was the King's Landing reaction video to the death of King Poopypants. This week, we go to Dragonstone or whatever the fuck to check in on the premise for a bad Brazzers video. A pregnant but not really showing Princess Rey Mysterio receives word of her dad shuffling off their mortal coil. She starts clutching her belly and you know this will be a doozy. Daemon convenes a war council, declaring that his brother was murdered while the princess walks around the house clutching her baby bump. She's bleeding out of the old hoo hah and wailing like a cow with fully engorged milk titties while Daemon's trying to plan a special military operation. The "birth" hits a crescendo when this blob of a fetus falls out of Ray Ray's gaping maw, splatting unceremoniously on the floor.
A back and forth ensues as Daemon and The Queen Who isn't a Queen 2.0 argue over what to do. Plot twist! The Sea Snake or Balsa Wood Benny or whatever his name...his fever breaks and he's up and at 'em. He and his wife (kind of looking MILF-ish in that dragon scaled armor), show up and proclaim fealty to the princess slash queen. A ceremony is held confirming her as the heir and lines are being drawn. Daemon begins interviewing for positions in the Queen's Guard with the help of Dragon HR. What they really need though, are allies. Ravens are dispatched, but it is decided her kids should go as messengers to the most important houses: Stark, Who Cares I, and Who Cares II. Somewhere in all of this is THE coolest map of Westeros and why wasn't this in GOT? The carved map is backlit by a bunch of candles so that the rivers and words have an orange glow to them.
Somewhere in there The Hand shows up and makes some ridiculous demands of the princess' family like STFU and bend the knee, we'll give you titles and lands, enslave your kids and tell them those are positions of honor, the usual. As you can guess, Otto's sent packing with a big middle finger.
The lads are off on dragons because dragons are faster than ravens and using A-10's for a show of force aren't an option if you ride a dragon. One of the bastards shows up at a house not named Stark where he sees The One Eyed Monster all the way from King's Landing. The lord of House Whatever laughs the kid out of the building while One Eyes smirks. Westeros really knows how to grow fuck bois, don't it? One Eye tells Kid Rock he wants wants an eye for an eye, the lord of whatever house forbids it, and Queen 2.0's kid leaves.
DRAGON DOGFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!
One Eye follows the kid because he too has a dragon. A big one. Like...bigger than a National Guard motor pool sergeant. We're treated to a dragon chase through thunderstorms and canyons. You know the kid is as good as dead, but the show gives you a sliver of hope that he might make it home. Yeah, hope is not a plan. The two dragons remember they are dragons and decide to ignore the little balls of flesh on their backsides and have a dragon slobberknocker in the sky. The little dragon is no match for a Weekend Warrior, and big daddy fat BITES THE OTHER DRAGON IN HALF?!?!?!?!?!? Fuck all the way off, Maverick, there's a new fighter pilot in town.
Problem is, One Eye realizes he done fucked up. Bad. Like..."time for a war, boys" bad.
We cut back to Dragonrock where Q 2.0 receives the news. Her look says it all and next season we're guaranteed a wee bit of slaughter.
I really like the presentation of the last two episodes where we see how both parties react to the king's death. They actually put some life into the characters or build on what we've already seen. The story is kind of predictable, but that's a given for anyone who saw GoT: A crisis, plotting, betrayal, reaction, a new crisis, more plotting, etc.
No lie, I'm here for the violence, and it appears we'll see more of that in S2 and less chess pieces on a cool looking map. I'm still not on Queen Uncle Fucker's team, but I think I'll put that to rest next season if her reaction is the same as the final scene. One suggestion though: could we keep her out of baby making mode for just a few episodes? She's dropping so many kids Irish Catholic families are welcoming her to the fold.
Matt Smith needs more scenes. Great character for him to play and he's a good actor. The scene where he sings to the dragon was very good and dude has a solid voice. Smith plays the character with the right mix of sociopathic behavior touched with a sliver of humanity. I feel you, bro.
Most importantly, I actually want to watch Season 2 and that is no small feat given the utter shit show we endured up to this point.
4.5 out of 5 eye patches
So, is anyone else hyped for the rest of S2? I know I was very happy to see events play out the way they have so far. Acting props all around.
Kraut783
SOF Support
Yep, sorry about the twins...looking forward to this season!
@Marauder06. So, does today’s episode mean I have to give the ROE brief again? Particularly the section about collateral damage to your own dragons? Maybe something about fratricide/regicide?
I haven't seen the new season yet. But based on past episodes in the series and its peripheries, I think the best ROE you can give is "Hey, don't "engage" with blood relatives."
Kraut783
SOF Support
Finally some dragon on dragon action!!
0750 in the wilds of Tasmania, it’s peaceful, fire on, raining outside…EXCEPT FOR A FUCKING DRAGON FIGHT! Starlink, help of hindrance, discuss.
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